Social vs non social SO. Can it work?

[Hololz]

Its fair to say I'm generally very happy about the current status of my relationship with my SO, although, over the last few months, I have begun to notice something. I am VERY social, I like to be around people pretty much all day and evening. I like to do things, like go out to dinner with different people, go bowling, go to the movies etc. I HATE sitting around with nothing to do, just browsing the internet or watching TV, to me it just feels like I'm wasting my life.

My SO on the other hand is perfectly happy to just be on his own. He doesnt have social problems (he works as a nurse and talks to paitents all day long) but he just likes spending time by himself, talking to people over the internet and gaming. He admitted to me last year that he didnt like my university friends, which made me feel bad for asking him to hang out with us (but how was I supposed to know until he told me!!). We have mutual friends at home, but he doesnt make the effort to see them unless I oragnise something for both of us.

He has been out with people from his course a couple of times (Celebrating end of exams etc) but he told me he didnt class them as "friends".

At the beggining of our realtionship he had a best friend whom he called at least every other day, and they would visit each other every few months. I met him once. But from what I know, they havnt been keeping in touch as regularly recently.

I understand where this issue for him may stem from, but I'm not going to go into that.

Is him not liking my friends going to be a big issue in the long run? I plan on keeping in touch with these people long after I graduate. I feel like I'm going to want to go to out to dinner with them (in the distance future, when we're all married with children etc :P) but he wont want to join. Also, is it going to be a big issue in the long run that I may like to spend the evening out, but he wants to stay in?

[Bethypoo]

I think it can work. You just have to compromise. I am somewhat social, I do like going tout to a movie or dinner or stuff like that but I am not a huge fan of more than like 4 people. Chris, my SO on the other hand, doesnt mind staying at home and really doesnt like groups at all. He has his friends then people that he plays particular card games with at a store, but other than that... not so much.

It can work. But you do have to find middle ground. As long as he trusts you going out and doesnt have an issue with it and you dont take it personally that he wants to not go out, then that is fine. But he should make it a point to go out with you at least once a month, even if it is just the two of you and you should make a point to stay in every once and a while with him.

[sjaneec5]

My SO and I are the same way I'm very social and love to meet new people and just be with people in general but my SO doesn't like being around a lot of people. It's hard but you just have to find a happy medium and I'm kinda hoping being around me more will make him like people more lol

[garnet]

Honestly, I could not ever make it work. Never once in a relationship did we find peace where our social styles didn't match up. I'm the loner, and my boyfriends have been quite social. Just didn't work. Only now with my SO have we found compatibility in that we don't crave getting out, we don't much care to get together with our friends, we are just homebodies. It's very hard when it's mismatched. That's only me though, I'm sure others have made it work just fine.

[Brieasaurus]

I'm more of the one where I don't really like other people and although I do enjoy going out with my friends, I only enjoy it once or twice a month. My SO however, is like you, where he is constantly at his "bro"'s house, or at a football game. We make it work by setting up limits, he can go to this and that but once he gets home, I get an hour or two of him with no interruptions and then he can play xbox or such until we decide to fall asleep together. Honestly, I feel like there should be no reason why you two wouldn't be able to work. It's just understanding eachother and compromising.

Also, just because he isn't necessarily a fan of your friends, doesn't mean that he won't want to go to dinner with them 8 years down the line. I'm sure your friends aren't that bad haha. Just chill out. There is no need for this to destroy your relationship eh. So what if he doesn't like partying? That's one less drunk person for you to have to worry about Friday night.

[Haley53]

I think that it's entirely dependent on where the both of you fall on the scale and where you're both willing to compromise. I think that if you're both on opposite ends of the scale, i.e. both standing at an extreme, and both loathe the other's preference, then yes, it's going to end up causing problems. If you're not happy when you don't get to go out more times than you stay in and he's not happy being dragged around as opposed to staying in more often than not, then I think it would be an issue. While on the one hand, it might benefit you both in the sense you do get your alone time, on the other, you have to be careful that there won't be a separation or a divide between you two. It's similar to my mother. She is an extremely active person and also heavily into fitness and nutrition. She would not do well with someone who is not, not because of feelings or attraction, but because it's too much a part of her life and who she is and it's important to her to have someone who can share that with her. If it's important to you to have someone who can share in your social life and who can enjoy going out with your friends, if you want your partner to be a part of your outings, if not regularly then at least occasionally, yes, it might be something of an issue if he's resentful of going out and prefers to stay in, which is what you yourself are resentful of doing. So I'm with garnet on this one, but it's not saying it can't work if you find some sort of compromise.

[Lovely]

Yep but it depends on your jealousy levels as well. My husband is quite an introvert and I'm quite an extrovert. However, we aren't the jealous type (in case my LD girlfriend wasn't good enough showing of that. LOL!) so it works just fine. I go out with friends and he doesn't bat an eye. Over the last year we've actually developed a couple mutual friends and he's become a bit more social. It's been a welcomed adjustment but it did take time. Like, on NYE he actually went out while I stayed home. I was bummed I was home but really I knew I needed the sleep... and I was proud he'd stepped out of his box and made the effort.

Lyric is also a bit of an introvert until you put her in the proper situation. She and I have a large group of mutual friends though so it works with us... we just tend to talk over each other HAHAHAH

[Yaaamiii]

My SO is much more introverted than I am. I'm more social, I like going out and doing something. I'm not an extreme extrovert, but a few times in the past years we've semi clashed on this. We've come to an agreement over time though. We kinda just compromised and such.

[SDPersona]

Hmm, my boyfriend is such a social butterfly, he loves being with people. Me, I'm somewhat social, but only because I need some me-time to charge my batteries and then I can meet friends again. If I don't do that, I wouldn't enjoy being with friends and people as much because they've become exhausting and frustrating to me. And I don't want that, so I work the social circus every few days or every other week.

As for relationships whose members have differing personality and social structures, they should be able to work as long as they work out a common ground. Like others have said.

EDIT: Forgot to say, that while you have common grounds you also should be able to still accept your partner the way he is built. For me, that is very important. Changing someone or trying to make someone be more this or that way ... it NEVER works!

[Malaga]

Well, like Eclaire said, it depends on how extreme they are and how much they're willing to compromise. Also, if the non-social partner doesn't mind spending time alone, I don't see why it couldn't work.

My boyfriend is more social than I am, he has a bigger circle of friends and goes out more often. But essentially, we're about the same. We both enjoy quiet evenings at home, and sometimes feel the urge to go out and socialize. It's just that when I go out with friends it's usually a one on one situation, a cup of coffee or a dinner with a friend. When he goes out, it's normally with a group of mates and they go on a night out. Distance makes you crave as much contact as possible, but knowing myself, once we close the distance I will not only be OK with it but also welcome the chance to spend a quiet evening alone while he's out with friends. I need a certain amount of time alone.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I think it just depends on who the person is Opposites attract but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll all work out. I think if the couple compromise, agreeing with Bethypoo, then things might just work out.

[Zephii]

I think it can work. Both Obi and I vary in our socialness though. I have a anxiety disorder (a very well managed one luckily) and I tire of people... they suck the energy out of me lol. There are times I just don't want to see people or even talk online. But I also hate that feeling of wasting my life.
Obi on the other hand has his long-time best mates, our usual group, and they like to meet up at least one a week, sometimes a lot more. And sometimes that's too much for me.

We know we don't have to go to every social event together, and we don't. He also has friends I'm not keen on, and I opt out of things with them.

I think the type of socialness is more of an issue. I mean, what people are doing together. I don't mind sitting around and chatting, where to Obi that's boring. He likes to play card or board games (and his mates perfer that too) while that makes me want to pull my eyes out with a fork. So yeah, where I'm going with this ramble is that it depends on what we're doing to be social, and how often. (I'm also concerned about how much entertainment ends up costing).