I don't remember ever feeling this bad
Hi.. please read this whole thing.. I know it's long but I really need to get it out.. and hopefully get some advices.
So.. Things haven't been too great with my SO lately. With work, the holiday, vacations and a bunch of other stuff, we haven't been able to talk much. About 2 weeks ago, we had a discution about our feelings. She told me that she wasn't sure anymore about some stuff, and that she wanted a break for a few days. I was devastated. I felt like it was a break up, and it was on new years too.. so I got really drunk, which obviously didn't help to make me any happier. We agreed that we would still keep in touch during the break, and that we would stay faithful and all that stuff. I realised a few days in what I think might be the real reason behind the break. Her dad died 3 years ago, on january 15th. I think the mix of that, with all the work she does (10 hours per day, 6 days per week) and maybe some doubts about our age difference (7 years..) made her reasons for the break.
We did talk again last sunday. She told me different stuff. She told me that she dosen't want to make me sad, that's it's just a phase where she needs some space. She said that she really loves me, that I'm still her family (both her parents died years ago and she has no siblings). She said that it was just temporary and that we would get back to like we were before in no time.
So I sticked with the break. It's now been a few days and the 15th is approching. She made a last-memories website for her father, where you can go and write stuff. She did give me the password a while back. So I decided that now would be a good time to write a nice condolence. After I did so, I wondered if she used that same password for other stuff..
So I tried her facebook... well.. turns out it,s the same password.
I immidieatly logged out of her facebook, but about 30 minutes ago, I just couldn't resist the urge.
I went on it again and decided to check her messages.. I'm still debating whether it was a good or bad idea..
Keep in mind that we have been *together* since september 11th by the way.
I found that just a few days ago, she had a nice chat with another guy. Where they almost made plans to meet up. She calls him only a friend in the messages, but he keep flirting really heavily, then she gives him her yahoo messenger, so I don,t know how it ends up. Another one, that taking place on the 4th. A guy calls her *my love*, and have some kind of small argument, and she says something like *I never know with you, you say you love me some day then you ignore me for days*. And finaly, and that chat was on december 18th, with a 3rd guy.. She says how she really likes him, that she wants to know if he likes her the same way. That she's not used to hitting on guys like that.. you get the picture.
I saw a picture, but that was on my facebook, of her at a christmas party. She was dancing with another guy (4th one ?!) and they were really close.. hands behind the neck.. lower back.. even another picture where they have the side of their faces pressing against the other.
Now.. I don't know what to do.
I do believe that she never cheated on me physicaly.. I think so..
She obviously had some pretty flirtatious chat with guys.. and when one asked her if she was taken, she said that she was single (I don't know about this one.. she likes to keep relationship stuff private, that isn't new).
I know what I did was incredibly wrong.. but now I really need to talk to her. I need to ask her if she did something with other guys.. if she really loves me.. if she's flirting.. I know some of the answers to that, but I will never ever tell her that I read her facebook..well if we don't break up that is. I think I need to ask her about all that.. Maybe worrying too much with messages taken out of context, but I,d rather know and be sad then live a lie.
all this.. I feel so betrayed..so sad.. I was and am still willing to do so much for that girl..
what should I do...? oh.. and really.. thank you if you read up to here, it really means alot.
So.. Things haven't been too great with my SO lately. With work, the holiday, vacations and a bunch of other stuff, we haven't been able to talk much. About 2 weeks ago, we had a discution about our feelings. She told me that she wasn't sure anymore about some stuff, and that she wanted a break for a few days. I was devastated. I felt like it was a break up, and it was on new years too.. so I got really drunk, which obviously didn't help to make me any happier. We agreed that we would still keep in touch during the break, and that we would stay faithful and all that stuff. I realised a few days in what I think might be the real reason behind the break. Her dad died 3 years ago, on january 15th. I think the mix of that, with all the work she does (10 hours per day, 6 days per week) and maybe some doubts about our age difference (7 years..) made her reasons for the break.
We did talk again last sunday. She told me different stuff. She told me that she dosen't want to make me sad, that's it's just a phase where she needs some space. She said that she really loves me, that I'm still her family (both her parents died years ago and she has no siblings). She said that it was just temporary and that we would get back to like we were before in no time.
So I sticked with the break. It's now been a few days and the 15th is approching. She made a last-memories website for her father, where you can go and write stuff. She did give me the password a while back. So I decided that now would be a good time to write a nice condolence. After I did so, I wondered if she used that same password for other stuff..
So I tried her facebook... well.. turns out it,s the same password.
I immidieatly logged out of her facebook, but about 30 minutes ago, I just couldn't resist the urge.
I went on it again and decided to check her messages.. I'm still debating whether it was a good or bad idea..
Keep in mind that we have been *together* since september 11th by the way.
I found that just a few days ago, she had a nice chat with another guy. Where they almost made plans to meet up. She calls him only a friend in the messages, but he keep flirting really heavily, then she gives him her yahoo messenger, so I don,t know how it ends up. Another one, that taking place on the 4th. A guy calls her *my love*, and have some kind of small argument, and she says something like *I never know with you, you say you love me some day then you ignore me for days*. And finaly, and that chat was on december 18th, with a 3rd guy.. She says how she really likes him, that she wants to know if he likes her the same way. That she's not used to hitting on guys like that.. you get the picture.
I saw a picture, but that was on my facebook, of her at a christmas party. She was dancing with another guy (4th one ?!) and they were really close.. hands behind the neck.. lower back.. even another picture where they have the side of their faces pressing against the other.
Now.. I don't know what to do.
I do believe that she never cheated on me physicaly.. I think so..
She obviously had some pretty flirtatious chat with guys.. and when one asked her if she was taken, she said that she was single (I don't know about this one.. she likes to keep relationship stuff private, that isn't new).
I know what I did was incredibly wrong.. but now I really need to talk to her. I need to ask her if she did something with other guys.. if she really loves me.. if she's flirting.. I know some of the answers to that, but I will never ever tell her that I read her facebook..well if we don't break up that is. I think I need to ask her about all that.. Maybe worrying too much with messages taken out of context, but I,d rather know and be sad then live a lie.
all this.. I feel so betrayed..so sad.. I was and am still willing to do so much for that girl..
what should I do...? oh.. and really.. thank you if you read up to here, it really means alot.
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