Feeling Lonely :(

[littleblue]

Hey, I've only been in a long distance relationship for 6 weeks and have seen my boyfriend for a week within that time. He had to move overseas for work.

I'm seeing him for a few days in another couple of weeks, but after that, we have no plans until he is back at home, as he has to work long hours and is going to work weekends for double pay.

Originally, he was only going away until the end of February, but this quickly changed to the start of April, and now it's mid-May. The idea of not seeing him for 3 months is literally killing me - I've found the last 2 weeks almost impossible.

To make things worse, I'm not really getting on with the people I am living with, and am living in London, away from my Family and best friends, and my Dad, who is very ill at the moment. I'm a student, and he finished his degree last year, so neither of us have a lot of money at all.

I just feel really lonely all of the time. I get upset over little things that never used to bother me, like my boyfriend being short when texting me, or not asking me how my day is going, or not texting me all day. We can't skype often because of his location, and we can only talk for 600 minutes on the phone a month (that's my allowance) and that really doesn't add up to a lot. I know it's unfair of me, as I know he is ridiculously busy at work as it is and it isn't exactly his fault, but the lack of communication is getting me down so much.

I know my LDR is pretty short compared to many, I don't know how you guys do it, I really don't! But I would really appreciate some help - How do I feel less lonely and getting upset over missing him all the time?

[LilyChiba]

Distractions. I'm not saying it really works well for me, but some people it does. Find something you would like to do and get heavily involved into it. Because unless you put all your focus into something, your mind will wander back to him and those feelings will come back. That's what always happens to me.

[kat4301]

The transition points always seem the toughest to me. The beginning of LDR was one of the hardest because we had no routine outside of one another. Once I had set-up a routine and knew what the expect on the day-to-day things started to feel a little better. Slowly, LDR began to feel like the normal and time with my SO was the exception, which was the exact opposite of what we were used to. Def. look around the site and old posts and hopefully you will get a little insight onto some of the harder parts of LDR and then you will be ready if something comes up.

[Manoek]

Distraction! Yes! I work 40 hours.. and i've bin in a LDR for 2 months now and I now sometimes work vor 45 hours.. or even 51 hours... After work I go straight to the gym or go out running. And If I don't go to the gym I hang out with friends. If that doesn't work for you, playing games, youtube etc.. killllllssss time!

Feeling less lonely isn't really an option when you are in a LDR.. I guess.. It comes with the job

And TALK with your SO! About how you feel, and sometimes he probably can't fix it, but atleast talk about it. And don't point any finger..

I wish you all the best!

[meganpillow]

AGREEDD!!

I joined Zumba, Yoga, clubs & organizations, and I go to school for 16 hours a week (college). Make this the time to focus on yourself and your needs. Save some money so when he comes down you can do something unique and fun.

Make new friends (maybe see if you can find somebody else in a LDR around your area?)

One day, this will all feel so far away. You will be together, and happy, and everything is going to be great!!

Hang in there!

[Bethypoo]

The first few weeks are defiantly the hardest. It is defiantly a shock to the heart- yes that sounds dumb but it is what it is. The best way is to stay distracted. Study in the school library instead of at home. Make plans for yourself to do something. Dont sit and home and dont dwell. It cause tension with in the relationship, whether you realize it or not. And it also just causes you more anxiety. In general, 3 months is a long time but it isnt terrible, and you do have communication. Build on that. Set days where you know you two can talk and make that your "date night".

None of us are going to lie to you and say that it is not going to be hard. It will be. But you just have to breathe and keep moving on with your daily life. It makes the time go alot faster than sitting and being sad about it all of the time.

[carolynred]

What your feeling is completely normal. I agree with everyone when they said the hardest part is the transition. It literally kills me every time we have to go our separate ways, BUT at the same time every day you make it through is one day closer to seeing him again. As stated before, focus on your daily routines and such. I found that the first few days of school would bring me out of my sad mood because I would work really hard rather than constantly thinking about how he's not there. Its normal to feel lonely, especially in your case where it feels like there's not that many people you can relate with. I'm going through something similar. When I go back to college, I feel like there is no one there that cares about me like back home, BUT what I have learned is that it will not always stay the way you feel. The people who you live with I'm sure will warm up to you. Sometimes things take time.

Also what I have found is that loneliness is enforced more when we allow it in our minds. Try to think about positive things like that you WILL get to see your SO again, how great your life will be after schooling is done, etc. If you think about the sad parts all the time it does make it harder. Take care of yourself with how you think, and if you just try your best its amazing how much better you will feel. Just remember that you went into a LDR for a reason, because of him right? All what you are going through will be worth it in the end when he comes back. Just don't give up, and remember you CAN get away from feeling lonely.

Plus, we are all here to support you on LFAD. Friends are here to help you along the way.

[littleblue]

Thanks Guys!

All of your advice has really helped! I've been trying to distract myself, but wasn't really doing a good job of it. But I think i'm going to throw myself into my college work and i just ordered a load of fiction books to read my way through and get lost in! I'd love to join a class but just can't afford it as a student, so i'm gonna try jogging and things as well, if just to keep myself out of the house

Thanks again for all of your advice I love this site!!!