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Feeling Distant Because of the Distance?

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    Feeling Distant Because of the Distance?

    This is probably the biggest challenge that my SO and I face in our relationship whenever we are far apart.

    It sort of reminds me of the old cliche, "Out-of-site; out-of-mind." I am not saying that we do not think about one another when we are far apart, but rather it is harder to remember what the person is REALLY like. Whenever we are together in person during our visits, everything is wonderful, but when we go back to the distance, this always seems to pop up after a bit of time. The past few months, we have had several big fights crop up, and after talking them out, we realized that the cause was that we felt distant from one another.

    For example, whenever one of us is busy and we cannot talk on the phone as much, we will feel as though we are missing that connection that we usually have. Sometimes, we will fall into repetition and things will just get a little dull. My SO has also been known to distance himself from me as a way with coping with the distance...but that only makes the problem worse!

    A few months ago, one of the main causes of a fight was that my boyfriend told me that he sometimes had doubts about our relationship and that he felt guilty because of that. However, he only had thoughts like that when we were from a distance, and he said that when he would talk to me or see me in person, all of those thoughts would fade and he would remember why he fell in love with me in the first place. I had an extremely hard time accepting this because it felt like a slap in the face, but when I was honest with myself, I realized that I had felt the same way as well once or twice. However, soon after I felt this way, something my SO would say would always make me remember what i was fighting for, and all of my doubts would disappear.

    Now, whenever one of us begins to feel distant, we tell one another and we discuss the steps that we can take to improve our relationship and get rid of that feeling. Now, we try to get on webcam more and have consistent date nights. We are also planning on reading Artemis Fowl together We will not give up without a fight! Our relationship has already improved a lot just by communicating better about this

    My SO flew here this past Thursday, and I dropped him back off at the airport a few hours ago [hence the reason I have not been on here that much recently ]. Right now we are peachy, and we had the most amazing visit--like usual, of course! But back to the point..... During the trip, he said something about this that made me want to post a thread about this to see if anyone else has had this problem.

    Does anyone else find that they become distant when they are long distance? What do you do to when you feel this way? Has it had a negative impact on your relationship? What do you do to solve the problem?

    #2
    well it isn't the same for me since we haven't met yet, but when I am feeling the distance, sometimes we do not talk as much. But like you, we also figured this out and when we start to feel a little distant, we talk about it. We talk about our feelings for one another, our future plans and the things we are doing to make those plans come true, and that feeling goes away.

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      #3
      Totally.

      I got that a lot when I started university. It was really hard. Now I incorporate him into my daily life by emailing him every night, checking emails every morning, and talking to people about him. I find it works a charm, now.

      Then again, so does having something to look forward to. =]

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        #4
        Totally.

        I got that a lot when I started university. It was really hard. Now I incorporate him into my daily life by emailing him every night, checking emails every morning, and talking to people about him. I find it works a charm, now.

        Then again, so does having something to look forward to.

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          #5
          I've lost several "long distance friends" because of this. I noticed it always happens when we start spending less time talking for some reason or another. It makes me feel bitter that they don't bother making time for me in their day, while I make an effort to be available when I can. If this goes on for an extended period of time, I'll feel so distant when they finally do make time that I feel like I'm talking to a stranger.

          However, I've never had this problem with my boyfriend. We spend about 16 hours a day on webcam and text pretty frequently when we're out. A lot of that time we're on webcam, we are not actually talking, so we don't run out of things to say. We leave our call going when we sleep and do homework. We also do stuff together like play games and watch movies. Neither of us really has a social life

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            #6
            I recently, had the SAME exact thing happen to me we were getting snippy and upset with one another and he and I were both feeling distant from one another.
            Then he came to visit and the feelings went away and we were able to talk things out and smile and laugh. <3
            At the end of the day we love each other we have just decided to work harder at the relationship which is why I found this site so I can keep the relationship alive when we aren't together.
            However I am trying to move back to Austin to be able to be with him again. <3

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              #7
              Alex sometimes gets distant because he's afraid that the relationship won't work because it's long distance. He's scared I'll cheat on him. he shouldn't worry about that, of course, but he does, so he distances himself from me so that if something happens it won't hurt AS much. At the same time he knows that's not the answer because sometimes he gets so distant I wonder whether or not he still loves me... But then I tell him (I get really clingy when he gets distant. ^^;; ) and he decides to make a change and things get better. ♥

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                #8
                ^- Same here, I have a tendency to get clingy when he pulls away.

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                  #9
                  I guess it happens in a lot of relationships. I think that maybe don't know how to cope exactly with the distance (which I believe is not the natural state of a relationship). But I hope you can talk it over and can get to make a good connection even from far away. Best wishes!

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