Talking about your relationship with others

[lucybelle]

How open are you about your relationship with other people?

I find it extremely hard to talk to anyone about my relationship. That's why I love LFAD so much, I have anonymity. And even here I am sometimes hesitant to write what I really feel. I don't know why. I feel like I have to keep up this "image" of myself. Like totally not being into marriage or love or mushy stuff. I mean, what am I, 12? I realized this the other day when a lady asked me if my SO was "the one". And as much as I believe that in my heart, I acted like it was a ridiculous question and answered "psssshhhhhhhhh! I don't know about that!!!" When people ask if we are married I go "noooooooooooooooo! No way!" When really, I do want to marry him, and we have plans on getting married in the next 3 years or so. I think I've decided to put up this wall *just in case* we break up. That way I can act all nonchalant about it. I don't get it. And I feel like I'm short changing our relationship to other people. It makes me feel guilty, but I can't stop myself. I feel so uncomfortable talking about how much I actually do love my boyfriend and how serious our relationship is.

[Jensen8278]

I do the same thing most of the time. My bf's best friend asked anthem I was getting a ring and my reply was "If he were to propose you'd probably know before me." On a regular basis, somebody is telling me how we will be engaged within 6 months of him coming home. (Hes in the military, and his contract will be done at the end of this year) While I do feel like we will one day get married, we haven't really discussed it yet. It's been talked about in passing, but never a serious conversation. And I learned from my previous relationship, you can talk about it all day long, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. So I kind of just laugh it off when people mention it.

[snow_girl]

I do that too. There is only one friend I tell everything too and even then I do leave parts out sometimes. I always think saying yes to those 'is he the one? or are you going to get married q's weird, I always answer with a hmmm We'll see who knows.

[Haley53]

I have a hard time being serious when it comes to being affectionate aloud. :P I'm better at being mushy through gift giving and writing and I have a hard time accepting his compliments or sweet nothings when they're said aloud. For a while, I had a hard time even saying "I love you" aloud because it sounded so odd, gummy, and foreign on my tongue. Although I am over that now (9 months in, I should hope, LOL), it's still difficult for me to portray that same seriousness to someone else.

I'm not sure what it is, if it's because I'm worried I'll jinx it or because I'll be criticised for it, because I'm worried I'll be lectured about "young marriage" when neither my partner nor I want to get married young despite our conversations of marriage, or maybe I'm worried about putting it out there that we're serious about each other only to end up... not together. It's not that people don't see it. Even my mother has said she can see how serious we are and what we have and has given me "I got married young and wish I hadn't speeches..." (LOL, bless her) and has referred to him as a potential son-in-law etc. which she's never done before. But I think it's all that I'd much rather they not hear it from the horse's mouth? For some reason, it feels really personal, and I feel like it would make everything a hundred times harder if something were to happen to our relationship.

[mllebamako]

I did a thread about this awhile ago because I was starting to realize that I divulged WAY too much information about my relationship to friends/family. At one point, I was going in detail about my problems to my parents, close friends, even cousins or not-so-close friends if they asked about it. And then, when I was trying to make a really difficult relationship decision...I had NO idea what I wanted. And the reason I didn't know, is I had everyone else in mind. I was listening to their opinions or worried about how they would take whichever decision I made.

So in November I quit talking about it cold turkey (besides on LFAD, of course ) And it has been a huuuugggeee help. I have felt much more confident in making decision or dealing with problems and knowing that it was what I really wanted, without the influence of others. So yeah, not so open anymore and thinking that was the *best* decision I have made!

[floridaellen]

I only really discuss my relationship with my best friend from high school and my best friend who's getting married on Saturday. They are the only ones who really understand my relationship anyway. I try not to discuss the intimate details though. Some things are too personal to be broadcast, you know?

[kiara_silver]

I down played my relationship a lot when it comes to my parents and sis, like i don't talk about thoughts of marriage, and i don't gush about him in front of them, and when they bring him up I would just give them the simple answers. Im only now recently sharing more about how strongly I feel. It was just hard before, my parents were... and.. are judgemental about my whole relationship, the fact that it's long distance. And on top of that my first boyfriend. So I felt I have to be careful what I say, so they don't think im just a teenager in love not thinking clearly. But they still do so now im trying less to make them happy and just saying and doing what i want now lol

[kteire]

I think I'm a bit too open when it comes to talking about my relationship... with everyone but my SO. He and I have never explicitly talked about marriage and babies, but if anyone asks about it, I'm more likely to say that I want to marry him and have his adorable Irish babies, but I can never find a way to say that to him. I guess I have a bit of the opposite problem!

[Sierra]

I went through a really hard patch awhile back where I was extremely isolated by my relationship with my now ex fiance. My family turned against me because DID do something horrible, but I'm one of those people who takes there own time with things and I couldn't leave my best friend in his time of absolute crisis. With my family pressuring me to leave him I really pushed back against that even though I knew I had to and in turn isolated myself.

Since then, I've been really hesitant to talk about my relationship to other people. I was so judged by my relationship with my ex, I just don't want to go down that road again, which is why I come here.

I get anxious and awkward when people start asking me questions about my relationship and when most people find out that it's long distance they do this "I feel sorry for you, it's never going to work - Oh." I even had to battle one of my friends supporting this relationship.

Now that we're going to close the distance, I get asked about it a lot more so I find myself being more open. But their questions and lectures kind of weigh heavily on my nerves. I don't appreciate the marriage lectures and what not - I'm not there in my relationship yet and it just feels like pressure.

So yeah, I guess I'm pretty closed about my relationship.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I just tend to keep quiet most of the time about my close friendship with Chris, though I'll tell those who I most trust if I find it to be relevant. I'm not ashamed, just most people these days just tend to judge others so quickly.

[milaya]

I down play a lot.
I think I talk about my SO and our relationship fairly often to friends, but not really about what's truly in my heart. Including all the mushy stuff and the overall feeling of him being the most important person to me in my life.
I often just complain, making it sound like he kinda annoys me or then I kinda sound like I never really appreciate him and I just like all the things he does for me. Which is of course not true - because I would do anything for him.

I also often say "when we get divorced in the future" or "yeah right, like we'll ever last to death do us apart" even though I of course wish for the last one.

I guess I've always been a person finding it hard to show appreciative, positive and warm feelings, so now it would feel too out of my character if I actually did open up. I guess I'm seen as a person who doesn't posses that many feelings, because I don't often show neither happiness nor sadness that well. I'm not good at saying things such as "I want that..." "I wanna go there" "I wanna eat that" etc. either, so how am I supposed to say "I want my SO" that easily?

I also think that like you, lucybelle, I would like to be able to act nonchalant if we did break up and tell people "see, I knew it would come" instead of showing them a broken heart.
I'm not sure if or when it'll change. I guess that's just how I am.

[DollOnAMusicBox]

I thought this thread was going to go in the direction of "Telling people you're dating someone 3500 miles away who you only see once a year." In terms of that, its a sort of case by case situation. I have to wait and feel people out before I go telling people I met my boyfriend on a text based roleplay where we were vampires and had an in character affair which led to an OOC affair....ta-da...we're dating. That being said, I told the staff I worked with for my student teaching, because they all seemed like very open minded people. I left the vampires out though... They took it very well and often asked about him and us etc.

When it comes to admitting that I love him, and think he's the one and such...I find it very hard to go there with anyone who isn't my old roomie. Even for her I say it out of trying to make her vomit because she's so anti-romance. I absolutely avoid it with my parents. I think for me I just don't want them to think they're losing their little girl...even when my mom outright asked me if it was love when we dropped him off at the airport...I just nodded and squeezed my fingers together to show her "little bit." Then again, even when we're together, I will jump away from my SO if my parents walk in on any cuddling. We're not PDA people.

I have one other friend who I can talk seriously with, but even with her it feels weird to get all mushy gushy happily ever after talk. I get bashful and blush. I guess I just feel like love isn't something you really talk about, because its so very personal for each individual. I will quickly admit that its fun to talk about weddings and families with my girls, and we go there...but to talk about him being the one, loving him and wanting to get old with him...the only place I ever say that stuff, is here (LFAD) or directly to him.

[Brieasaurus]

I definitely down play it. My friends will joke around and be like "Wow, you guys are still dating?" so I honestly think that they don't actually think we'll make it. My best friend knows exactly how I feel though most times. I tend to not share all of our ups and downs with her, because I'm afraid of making my SO look bad (you know, when you complain to someone about someone else a few times.. it just seems like everything they do is wrong) when in reality he's a great guy and most of our problems come from me haha. He's told my parents that he has every intention of marrying me one day but I don't really talk to them about that. My mom will come and catch me looking at wedding ideas and engagement rings and just shake her head.

[Tanja]

I'm the opposite

I've told everyone from day 1 what a great boyfriend my SO is and that I wanna marry him and have babies with him and everything's perfect... But the thing is, I feel like after all that hype I can't tell anyone if things are not perfect or if I'm upset with him... I feel like I have this obligation to make him look good in everyone's eyes since I'm the one who started it. And it's VERY annoying if I'm mad at him!

Seriously though, this is the best relationship I've ever been in and I don't see any reason why I should hide it. I know we're not gonna break up

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I am very open about my relationship because I am so proud of us and my boyfriend. I absolutely have no problem sharing our story with people and they really like to hear about it. I can be open with my family because they've known my boyfriend for 13 years now and they understand him as much as myself. If I need advice or something, I can talk to family or friends about it because they know both our personalities so well and they can help out. Also, they were the ones that could see that Anthony and I were going to be together long before we could. My family knows how I feel about him and how I really think he's the one; they do too. My friends know that I want to be engaged, like now lol. Maybe it's just who I am, maybe I'm too trusting, but I love talking about our relationship, and people don't seem to tire of hearing updates.