I couldn't help not to feel jealous!!

[krabuzh]

Hello.. it's been a long time since I post my own thread.
But I somehow couldn't take it and need to post this and want to know your opinion for this.

I and my man were broke up last September and then ever since our breaking up, I don't know why but I feel that our relationship is getting better and better. That make me call our relationship as an open relationship now. He treats me better than when we were still as an official lover. He shows his caring more, he send email almost everyday, he is being more open and told me about his life more, he sent me gifts (a novel which I wanted oh so much), he made me a CD consist of relaxing songs he personally chose for me since he knew I'm in stress condition from work, he even told his mom about me and then showed my pictures to his mom (the one that he never did previously). The most recent things is that, his parents will invite me by making a Verpflichtungserklärung (invitation letter) for me to visit Germany this April.

All of that make me think of our future and I can't help to have a high expectation from it especially after we meet for real on April. But I'm far from my logic and let myself being taken by a wind of hope. I just can't imagine my life without him. Sounds cliche isn't it?

Apart from all above, my man also have few of females online friends but they are all his true friends. Not just a fun chatting friends. And he always chat with them while he's chatting with me. I know it and I can accept it although I can't help from not being jealous. There's this egoist part of me which wanted him to prioritize me and then let go of the other. I told him about it, that I want him not to be 'quiet' in our conversation. But in the end, it always me who stepped off from the argument. Because I know I don't have the right to do that and maybe I'm too kind (and stupid) to let it go as it is.

He told me a while ago that one of his friends suffer from a MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and then he was quite shock and down with her condition. I was there with him, supporting him to support his friend to be strong.
Few weeks passed and today the same thing happened again. He was being quiet in our chat while I really wanted him and have so many things to talk with him and then he just replied with a short sentence. I told him about what I feel and he said he's sorry. That he's also having a chat with others and especially helped his friend who has MS with her therapy scene. This time I couldn't help not to feel jealous. I remained silent and didn't reply his chat for a while. In this 'silence', he asked me if I was upset, then he poked me several times and then he asked me about my status on my MSN (I wrote Chinese sentences because it's Chinese New Year). --> this made me think, why he asked me if I was upset if I'm just a friend for him.

Now, what I want to ask. How do I suppose to feel from it? How do I suppose to react and to think? Is it right if I think that our relationship is getting better and I'm still his someone special? Or that only my assumption?
It's tiring somehow but I know that I won't ever give up on him, never.. at least until we meet.. at least until I know there's no other way but to let him go (which I hope that won't happen).

Any advise would be highly appreciated.
Sorry for my long ranting and maybe a confusing words to read.
I just can't think right at the moment.
Thank you in advance!

PS: sorry... I didn't think it would be a long post.. sorry..

[Haley53]

Here's where I'm coming from. If you're in an open relationship, then that means there are/could be others, yes? As in, if it's an open relationship, you're both able to see other people? Have you ever defined your boundaries? For example, some people in open relationships allow their partner to act physically with others but not to actually date those others/get involved in a romantic relationship with them; for others, anything up to sex is acceptable; the list goes on. To me it sounds as if you're hoping and wanting for an exclusive relationship, to be his only one, and yet you're in an arrangement where you are not. I don't think that his wanting to know why you're upset means anything beyond that he cares for you (I press people I care about even if I don't have feelings for them), but I also don't think it'd be entirely unreasonable to talk to him about your relationship and ask him where he sees your future going. Because frankly, if he's the one who wanted the open relationship to begin with, or if things "improved" after having an open relationship, you may not be his special one and only girl, and if that's what you want to be for someone, then I would think you should talk with him.

[krabuzh]

Eclaire: thanks for the reply. And you are right! No we never defined of our relationship, there's never a talk about that ever since our breaking up. It just what I felt that we are getting better, maybe it because of no pressure from it... dunno...
And jup, I plan to ask him about it when or after we meet for real in April. Till then, it will be best to keep it as it is now.
Oh wow... now I even found the conclusion! ^^;;

I think I might be over reacting and acted stupid, influenced and clouded by my own unreasonable jealousy.