Maybe a little overreaction, maybe not.

[Tinyteef]

So, I haven't been around here much lately and it's because I've finally gotten a new job!
A job that since my SO is Iraq, leaves us very little talking time. He gets on the computer around 2-5pm my time and around 1:30 AM my time as well. My job as me working almost everyday 10-7. which means I can rarely stay up that late to talk and I am never home on work days when he is on. Usually we write e-mails but he hasn't written back in a week. We catch each other sometimes and I ask why he hasn't written and he says yahoo just isn't letting him and keeps throwing up an error. It has done that to him before and after a few tries it has let him but it's been almost a week and I miss getting his e-mails. He did how ever call earlier this week for the first time all month and I was super happy to hear his voice again and we got to talk for a whole hour!

Now last night I stayed up until 1:30 AM to say good morning to him when he got on because I didn't have to work today until 4 PM but the whole time he was being super sketchy with me and kept pushing what I did last night after work. I've never kept secrets from him and I've never had anything to hide so I didn't understand why he was being so weird. So, I told him I had gone to Olive Garden with a friend and he just said 'love you. bye'. He does that a lot since he runs late for work in the morning the days that I do get up to talk to him.

Since I don't work until 4 today I was home to talk to him when he got off work about an hour ago as well. I asked him why he was being so sketchy before and he said he was just wondering. I let it go and we talked about school. He needs to get a degree to promote faster so he has been looking into doing some classes over there. He has such little time as it is over there to talk and such that I was a little worried about our time. I told him how proud I am of him but how selfish I am with our time sometimes and how I was hoping we wouldn't lose any of our time. He was being so so so short with me which just instantly gets me everytime. He said he was going to the gym and would be back on later but he knew I would be at work. I told him I was a little upset but how it was kind of irrational because I want him to do his school but I am worried how much little time we will have when he already has been putting off e-mailing me back which is really our only form of contact through the week mainly. He said he was sorry and I shouldn't feel that way and he is doing everything he can. I felt really bad for overreacting about it and said I was sorry and that I know he is busy and that I am proud of what he is doing. It was a longer heart-felt IM about how I felt and at the end of it all I got was "i love you. bye" AGAIN. He wasn't late for anything, he doesn't NEED to go to the gym, he could have waited 5 more freakin' minutes to make sure I was okay but he just sped off, leaving me even more upset than before.

I am trying to stay till the very last second when I have to leave for work now to hopefully talk to him when he gets back from the gym but I'm not even sure if that is a good idea. I am mad and don't want to lash out on him but really, when I'm upset you do not go to the gym especially when I am trying to apologize for MAYBE overreacting but now I don't think I was.

This isn't going to end us or anything like that but I'm annoyed with him for sure.
I've been reading his letters he wrote to me when he was in basic training just so I remember he isn't always such a douchebag.


/vent

[Zephii]

Reading old letters really helps. I do that at the times I want to punch Obi in the face

Time constraints are a terrible thing for relationships, and it's hard to cope with especially when you try so hard on your end to make time for someone who seems to put less effort in. I think even when it is overreacting that those feelings of abandonment are still valid and should be addressed by our SO's. I'd be cranky too, but I don't have constructive advice

Congrats on getting the job though

[Semperfikindoflove]

I've had four military relationships. One Navy, and now three Marine relationships. I've been through the entire USMC without actually being in it and I have a few things to say. You might just need to get use to it, it's a part of the military lifestyle. If he wants to be able to work out he needs to leave quick to get to the gym. If he has to go because he has been given an order that's just how it is. My ex fiance and I ended things a little while back and he was deployed for 6 of our 8 month relationship. He would leave abruptly and our phone calls would end abruptly. Be thankful for the time you do have for him and don't get mad when he doesn't have time or he leaves quickly. You're one of the lucky ones who actually gets to talk to their SO who is deployed, you are very lucky to be able to hear from him almost every day. My ex was in Afghanistan and I have a lot of Marine wife friends, we heard from the guys maybe once every two or three months at times. Cut him some slack, again he is safe and if he says "love you. bye." quick it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it could mean he just got an order and if he waits he could get in trouble. I know you've been busy and I know it's hard with him gone but you need to not get mad at those little things because it will destroy your relationship while he is away. Trust me I've been through this many times and I haven't even hit 20 yet. It's important to be able to let those things go and remember he's not being a jerk, it's his job to be detached and to focus on what he's over there to do and your relationship will always come second to that because it's the way they stay alive out there. Keep your head up and if you need to talk I'd be glad to help you out.

[kaylaburgett]

I agree somewhat with what the above poster has to say but I will add...

DON'T BE AFRAID TO COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS IN AN ADDITIONAL EMAIL TO YOUR SO, perhaps then he can explain his military lifestyle more so than the above poster and you will feel more at ease.

[Mio]

I really wish you a lot of comunication. best wishes girl!

[lunamea]

Reading old letters really helps. I do that at the times I want to punch Obi in the face

LOL I sometimes do that, too, but it can't be really old stuff because then I feel he has just changed for the worse and it will make me sad again. If you saw the texts my hb sent me at the beginning of our relationship, you wouldn't believe it's the same guy! But he can still be romantic from time to time, the instances are just few and far between... *sigh*

Well, to me, his behavior did seem kinda rude, but then you have to remember that I never dated anyone in the military (let alone deployed), so there's a lot of factors that come into play that semperfikindoflove mentioned that change things. Perhaps making a little less effort yourself would help? I know that it does help my self-esteem to once in a while not put my husband first but sleep in or do other things I enjoy except talking to him (don't get me wrong, I like talking to him, too, especially if we get along well, but he also does things he enjoys [watch TV, talk to friends on the phone, go out etc.] without thinking about when/if the two of us will have time to talk, so I think it's only fair if I'm a little more selfish in that respect, too). That doesn't mean you should ignore him or not talk to him anymore, but perhaps just tone it down every now and then so you don't feel like you're the only one making an effort.

[Tinyteef]

I've had four military relationships. One Navy, and now three Marine relationships. I've been through the entire USMC without actually being in it and I have a few things to say. You might just need to get use to it, it's a part of the military lifestyle. If he wants to be able to work out he needs to leave quick to get to the gym. If he has to go because he has been given an order that's just how it is. My ex fiance and I ended things a little while back and he was deployed for 6 of our 8 month relationship. He would leave abruptly and our phone calls would end abruptly. Be thankful for the time you do have for him and don't get mad when he doesn't have time or he leaves quickly. You're one of the lucky ones who actually gets to talk to their SO who is deployed, you are very lucky to be able to hear from him almost every day. My ex was in Afghanistan and I have a lot of Marine wife friends, we heard from the guys maybe once every two or three months at times. Cut him some slack, again he is safe and if he says "love you. bye." quick it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it could mean he just got an order and if he waits he could get in trouble. I know you've been busy and I know it's hard with him gone but you need to not get mad at those little things because it will destroy your relationship while he is away. Trust me I've been through this many times and I haven't even hit 20 yet. It's important to be able to let those things go and remember he's not being a jerk, it's his job to be detached and to focus on what he's over there to do and your relationship will always come second to that because it's the way they stay alive out there. Keep your head up and if you need to talk I'd be glad to help you out.

I understand all of this and I am more than aware of how the military works. I would have no trouble with him leaving when he needs to or when he gets ordered to but it's something he does for himself which I understand he needs as well. He doesn't get the most enjoyment out of being there and I like that he has working out as an outlet for him, all I asked for was a little bit more warning that he was leaving. I don't mean to sound ungrateful for the advice but I'm not new to any of this (military) so I've never complained about his job. I am very thankful that he is one of them who has the internet but his job is the internet so we're just lucky.

[Semperfikindoflove]

I know and I wasn't trying to be harsh, I apologize if I came off that way. Sometimes he probably just doesn't think about it and I know I'd be a little frustrated as well. Keep your head up