REALLY need some kind words/help :(

[uk_girl]

Hi All.

As some of you may know, I split up with my SO on 5th Feb this year. We've remained on speaking terms, texting most days etc. And because of our friendship, we agreed to honour the gig tickets I bought him for his Xmas present. The gig is on 22nd May in Yorkshire.

However, he is a big soccer fan and his team have just reached the playoff final, which means if they win, then they are promoted to the EPL. This happens on the 22nd May in London (4 hours from Yorkshire).

So I'm in the situation where I was really looking forward to spending time with him as friends, and enjoying a really cool gig together. As well as it being my 21st birthday on the 21st. And within the past half hour, that has just been taken away. I'm in bed, upset, in tears and I just don't know why.

Tickets and hotel have been paid for, to the tune of £100 (that's about $150). I cannot get a refund on the hotel and the gig tickets are not in demand so cannot sell those. I have no friends who are into the same music as I am.

So he's all happy, cheery, planning a big drunken weekend in London with his friends and I am stuck, £100 down effectively, and he's definitely not coming to honour the weekend we arranged in December and re-confirmed in February.

I don't get why I'm upset. I think it's because I kinda miss him, and kinda feel a bit jealous he'll be there so happy with his friends having a blast whilst I'm completely stuck.

[Zephii]

Aww chicka, that's pretty low of him, I'd be hurt too. Mates don't do that. *Bigs hugs*

[uk_girl]

Booooo I typed out a big reply and then the internet broke

Oh well....lol....

I think I'm just hurting cos I sacrificed so much throughout our relationship... I rejected a fantastic job opportunity as it meant moving abroad (well, to Ireland!), I rejected numerous holidays because I didn't want to leave himm it's my 21st birthday on the 21st May and I was supposed to be going to Vegas, but obviously I rejected that because I had arranged to spend time with him at a gig! And he can't turn down a game that is on TV anyway??? Even though he said in December he wasn't bothered about going to the game if they got there...and last week claimed to be skint....???

Maybe I am being unfair and harsh perhaps? As it really is a big game and perhaps the only chance he'll see them get? If someone believes I am being harsh then please tell me - but not in an abrupt way as I am really quite fragile at the moment.

We're texting now...I'm making it obvious I am upset and he is kinda being sympathetic and nice about it but I'm so upset I'm kinda lashing back out at him. Really stuck here.

I'm clearly not over him, although I thought I was. Just not sure what to do now.

[Zephii]

It's ok to not be over him, though it must hurt like hell.
I know sport is a very big thing to some people and all that too, but if you's discussed this eventuality and he claimed he was happy to miss the game then that's his bad not yours.

[mandakasravi]

Can you tell him that you really want to go to this gig with him, not only to spend time with him but so that money doesn't get wasted. Can he not record the match and watch it after the gig? plus I would remind him that a while back he said he wasn't bothered about watching it??

...and no your not being harsh, this was plans that you made and were reconfirmed more than once he knew that his team might get through but still said he would go to this gig why change his mind now. He is the one being unfair me thinks

[uk_girl]

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday as I always had an incline that it would come to this and he would say "Don't worry, we won't get there, but even if we do then I'm not that fussed".

I've challenged him and said it's hard for me now knowing I seem to mean nothing, and he's said I do. But clearly not? Maybe we've just been socialised differently. I've always been brought up to put friends and family before anything else. Clearly a bunch of guys chasing a leather shape filled with air means more to him than I, his friend, does.

[uk_girl]

Can you tell him that you really want to go to this gig with him, not only to spend time with him but so that money doesn't get wasted. Can he not record the match and watch it after the gig? plus I would remind him that a while back he said he wasn't bothered about watching it??

...and no your not being harsh, this was plans that you made and were reconfirmed more than once he knew that his team might get through but still said he would go to this gig why change his mind now. He is the one being unfair me thinks

Hi. Thanks for your post He's absolutely adamant he's going now. Nothing I say or do will change his mind, it will only push him away and I don't want that to happen. I've said to him as much as I can without tipping him over the edge, and he's said he wish he could afford to pay me what I will lose out on. But I don't think he quite grasps that I am not materialistic in anyway. It's his friendship and company that I'm upset to miss out on. Though to be fair I would be a whole lot more aggrieved had we still been together!

[mandakasravi]

Hi. Thanks for your post He's absolutely adamant he's going now. Nothing I say or do will change his mind, it will only push him away and I don't want that to happen. I've said to him as much as I can without tipping him over the edge, and he's said he wish he could afford to pay me what I will lose out on. But I don't think he quite grasps that I am not materialistic in anyway. It's his friendship and company that I'm upset to miss out on. Though to be fair I would be a whole lot more aggrieved had we still been together!

Wonder if he would have cared more if you were still together, oh well suppose you will never know, I don't know what else to tell you. Like you I would be mega pissed off...

[woop woop]

Ooof, this is not nice at all. You've said that your friends aren't into the same music as you, but how about inviting a good friend along, and making use of the hotel room, making a really good night of it. Even if the band's not their first choice, I'm sure some family or friends would locve the opportunity to celebrate your birthday with you. And it's your birthday. They have to do what you want.

[uk_girl]

That's kinda what I'm doing on the Friday night - spending it with friends. The plan was always to make it the best birthday weekend I could have. Only 21 once. And I'm not going to be able to afford much anyway as I don't get paid til 26th May.

Considering selling the tickets/hotel room and spending it on another night out or something! I just know for a fact that all I am going to be thinking of that weekend - is him having such a good time with his friends (and his ex).

He's now ignoring me!

[Zephii]

Unbelieveable >.<
Yes, deffinantly try to get atleast something back to spend on yourself!

[uk_girl]

Well looks like I have a buyer for the tickets so that's 50 back. May also be able to get hotel money back which will be 53 back. As I say thats $150USD which will be nice.

Completely stuck on what to do regarding him now. Just ignore him from now on? I'd love to remain friends but after this then I know he isn't as bothered about having my friendship as I am his. Though after this, I'm beginning to wonder if he's worth it...

[kraut]

I guess it kind of depends when the actual game is to whether he is really being as horrible as everyone thinks he is. If it is possible for him to make it but he is choosing to hang with his team mates instead then that is just horrible but if there is no way he can make it or get to the game and the gig then that is just unfortunate. He does have an obligation to his team and a right to reap the benefits of his team's accomplishment. Though, I wounder why he agreed to go to this if it was on the same day as a game his team could eventually play. I guess if it were me I would have planned to advance until it was clear that my team wouldn't play. That's just me I suppose, I hate backing out on plans.

As for you being upset. There is no such thing as having no right to be upset. You have the right to be upset and express it if that is how you feel. You're feelings may not be justified but that is just how it goes sometimes.

[Caitlin2009]

ehhh he's an idiot, cant you take someone else thats into the same thing? Hell if i wasent i would still go with ya and do other things later

[Semperfikindoflove]

Keep your head up girly. I know it seems bad right now but find someone you enjoy spending time with other than him and take them. Have a great time and don't let this stop you, sometimes we let things like this ruin a fun experience. If you want him to know how you feel then ask him if he would mind coming with you, if he doesn't want to because he ABSOLUTELY has to be at the game then like I said try to find someone else. You're strong and level-headed you will be just fine.

If you need anything please feel free to let me know.