Used to not seeing him?

[kellybleedinghearts]

Hi, I'm a veteran to the website but a newbie to the forums. I need a bit of support, any help is appreciated - ive done a search but dont really know how to search for my issue :/

Me and my bf have been together 4 years, 2 years long distance. Now he has moved closed due to employment reasons but is still a distance away. However even though it is easier to see him, I havent seen him that much more due to my own stubborn brain I could easily see him this weekend (and in the old days would jump at the chance) but there is something that stops me. I will definately see him in a couple of weeks as it is his birthday but this weekend my own emotions seem to be stopping me going.

It feels like as he has only just moved to the new area, I am so used to NOT seeing him that seeing him again is weird to me? Also-as when he moved the first time he never really spoke it through with me (he pretty much just 'up'd and left') im nervous that he could do that again to me at any point of our future realtionship so have my guards back up. E.g. if I start sinking back into the whole seeing him regularly and he leaves again i know i'll be getting hurt again.

Hope this makes some sort of sense is it just me being silly?

[Hololz]

I know exactly how you feel. My SO and I were CD for 8 months, then I moved for university and we were LD for 6 months. During this time he decided he was going to go to school in the same city as me. He didnt discuss with me, pretty much applied, got a place and moved up. During the time we were CD again, we both felt as though w e didnt need to put as much effort in as we could see each other whenever we wanted... It nearly destroyed our relationship. Now we're LD again (So far 6 months out of 1 year) I cant get it out of my mind, that the same thing is going to happen once we're CD again. All I can really do is go with it and make more of an effort the second time around.

What kind of emotions are stopping you from wanting to see him? I know, alot of the time, I used to use the excuse that I had a lot of school work to do, so seeing him would stress me out becuase the work wasnt done and the deadline was approaching etc etc. (So stressing out stopped me from going to see him).

[carolynred]

I've personally never been to the point in your relationship yet, but I thought I might help you out if I can. Perhaps you're just overwhelmed by the fact that you're almost closing the distance? Two years is a long time to be in an LDR, and maybe you had adjusted your feelings, emotions, and reactions to fit that lifestyle. Now that he's there (or close enough to be there in your case), maybe you just feel a lot of emotions all at once that make you feel on edge perhaps? Its normal to have a roller coaster of emotions and feelings when something big in your life changes. Perhaps you're just naturally reacting to a big change in your life like him moving to you? Like I said, I've never reached this point, but I thought its possible to react like that when big events happen in life.

You also mentioned that he had moved when you two were together at one point. I'm sure that fear of him leaving again is probably playing at the back of your mind. In my opinion, you might be reacting to that fear as well. There's nothing wrong with that at all of course! You're acting very normal with the whole situation. Just breathe and relax, take one step at a time, and I'm sure you'll find some clarity. Maybe talk to your SO about the chances of him moving again just in case so you can ease your mind?

Remember, there's nothing wrong with you for being this way. We all react to protect ourselves whether its clear to us or not. Plus, we are all here for you on this site.

[Bethypoo]

I think you are acting normally. Being afraid he will go back to being further away is a valid fear. However, you do need to begin to adjust. Meld into one another lives. It is not to say be all up in each others business. You do still have a but of distance and therefore anonymity. But take advantage that he is a bit close. Make it a slow transition. But embrace it.

[kellybleedinghearts]

thankyou guys so much for your responses, im overwhelmed by your useful advice

I am going to try and sink back into it and just not be scared i guess that he will bolt again. If he does i guess i will just have to deal with it.

Because we were so laid back about it when he moved closer - i didnt really think about it as a big change but like you guys say i guess it is.

Its really hard for me not to have this in the back of my mind, especiallyas we are based in the UK and he has spoke about moving to canada or USA if he was offered a job there. i would never stop him going if he wanted to as it is his life but as you know the last time he moved away we never sat down and spoke about it - which is the part that really gets me.....