Fighting... all the time... about everything.

[Munkie]

I'm sure the title says enough... But I am having a serious issue... My SO recently broke up with me because he can't handle the fighting anymore. We fight over everything. Absolutely everything. Neither of us understand why we fight so much... and I am trying to come up with a solution. I feel like I've tried everything... And I thought maybe you guys could offer some advice. I need to fix this.

[elizabethjp2010]

Maybe you both just need a small break and than see where that leads?

[Munkie]

We've taken breaks... It doesn't work. The distance is truly tearing us apart, and I can't let that happen.

[meganpillow]

Maybe you both just need a small break and than see where that leads?

I completely agree. Sometimes space is in order. Just each of you concentrate on what you gotta do (work, school, etc.) and not talk to each other for a couple days.
When this happened to my SO and I, our reasons were because
1. We communicated too much, therefore when we ran out of things to say we involuntarily started picking on each other.
2. We spoke to each other in times of stress, sadness and anger... and the other person took everything too sensitively causing unwanted emotions.


Fighting happens, in fact it's healthy. But, if it's over everything then it's time to step back and start shifting your focus. When you come back to your SO, moments will become precious, therefore less likely to fight.

[Sierra]

My boyfriend and I were like this for a 6 weeks or so and it was getting unbearable for me. When we got into one giant fight I decided it was time for a break but then when it came time for us to implement the break it really wasn't what he wanted or what I wanted. So we spent a lot of time talking about it.

We talked about what makes me lose my temper and what makes him lose his and we made some rules.

(1) We can ask for a time out, and the subject has to be dropped. -- I thought this was going to be easy but it's harder than it sounds. Just yesterday we were talking about football (*rolls eyes*) and we started getting into a heated little debate that was setting off my temper. I knew it was going to turn into a FIGHT if I didn't stop, so I just said baby drop it, I'm getting mad and don't want to fight. I had to tell him to drop it three times but then he did.

(2) We decided that if it's a serious argument, we both can walk away and say we need a break and will be willing to talk about it in (insert amount of time to calm down and resume the discussion in a calmer manner).

(3) Picking your battles. This can be hard for me. Sometimes when I get frustrated it's hard for me not to want to fight about everything and push him away. I've learned that sometimes, if I feel like I'm going to act this way and I know I really don't have ANYTHING to fight about or any real reason to be mad ... I take my own minibreak. If he's online and wants to talk but I can tell I'm going to start a fight, I just act like I'm not online or out walking the dog (or I go walk the dog) until the feeling has passed.

You can get through fighting, you just have to find a way to communicate why you're upset in a better manner. It's only through talking about it calmly and really hearing what the other person is saying that you can do this.

[Miramaid]

Sierra gave a good advice only if two ppl are willing to implement it.
I am in the same exact situation: fighting about everything all the time and broken up at the moment. Been together almost 2 years too...What Sierra suggested did not work for us coz he doesn't do all that psychology stuff and he somehow always thinks that i want things my way and only want to talk about something I want to talk about or i want him to do the things that i want, but I do not reciprocate and not being understanding of him. In our situation I KNOW his accusations are not true and so do my family and mine and his friends. His expectations of me are often unreasonable...We fight. I love him and i have no idea how to resolve it. We even tried couples counseling but as soon as the counselor started pointing out his mistakes he no longer wanted to go there thinking they were all on my side.

I wish u luck and if u find a solution that works, please PM me

[Bethypoo]

I personally don't believe in breaks and if you have tried that and that didn't surmount to anything then that obviously isn't the best option.

Is it possible that you are frustrated at the distance and therefore take it out on each other? This is what was/ and sometimes still does, in my relationship. But have you each ever ust sat and maybe wrote down what upsets you about the other person. Because if there isnt anything then it may be the situation and it is killing your relationship. And I dont mean to sound harsh but maybe your relationship just cant take the distance. But if there are actual reasons you can come up with, and you are honest that what the other one does bugs you, then maybe you can work from there. Kind of a start over.

I hope something works out for you guys soon. There are to many loses on LFAD recently. Anything we can do to help, we are all here.

[digitalfever]

I'm confused are you guys back together or still broken up?

[keminlove]

Even though you two may fight a lot, it seems like there is still some form of love there. Maybe you guys can try starting from the beginning and remembering why you fell in love with each other in the first place. As far as the fighting goes, there seems to be some kind of underlined problem you haven't figured out yet. It may be the distance or some topic about being together that you two strongly disagree about. If that's the case, see if there is a way to compromise if you really want to be together and if not may it's better to be friends. I hope it all works out for you two.