How has LFAD (and its members helped you and your LDR?

[Bethypoo]

As i know some of you feel, there is a lot of sadness, frustration, loss and recalculation recently on LFAD.

My question to you is how has LFAD helped you and your relationship? And more so, what is one piece of advice that has helped you above all that you have received from a member or just through reading the threads?

For me, LFAD has helped me put my relationship into perspective. I see people who have never met or who have 5000 miles distance and I realize that 600 miles and once a month-ish isnt that bad.

As for advice, Communication and full honesty. I pass this piece of advice on to everyone. I think it is so important in general and more so in an LDR because you cant see your SOs face or read their body language.

So what about you??

[lucybelle]

It's a good place for me to vent without unloading everything onto my SO. I love the anonymity of it and that I can express my real feelings and get unbiased answers.

[usmcgirl]

It's really helped me understand that we can make it; people's opinions, and our age differnece doesn't matter. The best piece of advice I've gotten is: Don't give up & stay strong. Being in a military/future military relationship is very hard, but I've come to realize that this kid is really worth it. LFAD is a life-saver

[snow_girl]

It's a good place for me to vent without unloading everything onto my SO. I love the anonymity of it and that I can express my real feelings and get unbiased answers.

Agreed. Its nice to work out problems on your own and get others insight before having to approach your SO.

[kiara_silver]

I love being able to vent, I can't do that with my family, and my SO isn't always on. So it's nice to be able to let things out. And to see that long distance isn't uncommon and can and do work, it's a extra bit of encouragement.

Advice? Communication!! Huge in a LDR, and then of course trust, and honesty. Taking it a day at a time, and being able to lean on each other for emotional support.

[Haley53]

I joined LFAD about a month before my SO's mother passed away, and I honestly do not feel I would have had as much strength going through that situation as I had with the support of many of the members on LFAD. Not only did I meet people who, obviously, are in LDRs themselves, but I also met people who have experienced the loss of a parent themselves, some within their current relationships, so hearing their accounts of what happened, and how things improved, even from their worst, was encouraging; it really strengthened my feeling that I was doing the right thing by not immediately leaving my partner, even when he needed space from me/our relationship to get on his feet. It also helped meeting people who genuinely seemed to understand how I was feeling, and even if they didn't understand the situation, who did not demand I explain my reasoning. They understood where I was coming from and that was what mattered and I think having people I could openly talk to really helped in a time when even most of my friends either didn't know how to handle ME/what I was going through or were so vehemently against what I was doing that they could not refrain from speaking their opinion even when what I needed was support.

As for advice, a couple things. I think one of the most important pieces of advice was that I needed to take some time out for me. Even if my SO might have hated it at times, I needed to put boundaries in place, and being honest, boundaries probably improved our relationship more than one might think. It's amazing how easily we, as people, can get caught up in the idea that giving 110% can be the best thing, that you put in what you hope to get out of something, and while that's true to a degree, setting up limits and making sure you're paying attention to your needs - not only within the relationship, but outside of it - can do wonders. It really is true, that you can neither love nor take care of someone else without first loving and taking care of yourself. I think it also helped to realise that even with his extreme circumstances that he faced, it was still okay for me to take time for me. I think the other thing was that I need to take control over what I can. Whereas the relationship was completely out of my control, it was still up to me to decide how I interpreted this, this, or that. I have to take control for what I overthink, for how much power I give something to affect me negatively, and I have control over my impulses. I think remembering that I have the power to knock it off and stop being irrational reminded me that self-awareness and acceptance is one of the keys to change.

[DaisyWhisper]

This is a brilliant place to vent and see what others are going through in their LDR's.
I don't know anyone else in real like that has gone through anything like I have, so this place is a lifesaver. I felt before like I was going it alone because nobody I talked to could help me out properly, but now I know I have a whole group of strong people that are full of experience behind me if I need somebody.

[elizabethjp2010]

the support from people is amazing, its nice to be around people that understand when so many in this world dont!

[carolynred]

It's such an inspiring place! Never have I been to a site where you can feel the care and support from other members! I haven't had many personal conversations with other members since I recently joined, but the ones who I have talked to have truly made a difference for me. I feel like that I'm not alone on my journey with my SO and our relationship because I can tell that everyone here is a family to support one another.

The best piece of advice I was given was to not over-interpret. I often took any problem or issue with things involving my relationship as an extreme case rather than what it was. I even took it to an extreme to evaluate the opinions and advice some members gave me here WAY to close to heart to where I felt offended. Now I have learned that I shouldn't freak out about things I cannot control and that everyone here means so well. I'm truly thankful for everyone here.

[LuvSsw]

The support here is indeed amazing. The insight that people have is so very helpful. And when I couldn't see 2 inches past the intensity of my emotions, there were people who observed and pointed out things that I was failing to grasp. The vibe is always positive and helpful. A wise person here said to me when I was in the midst of despair....'You are worth more than how you feel right now'. I wonder if they realise how powerful that statement was and how much it impacted me. Any idea...Bethypoo??

[HollzHeartsChris]

One of the best sites I've ever come across. I love the community here <3

[kat4301]

I think this site really normalized for me everythiing that seemed so strange when we first went LDR. LDR can be a state of mind thats so different and it helped seeing everyone going through similar things. I also loved the ideas for activities, def. kept me and my SO closer.

[DemonxOisin]

It's a good place for me to vent without unloading everything onto my SO. I love the anonymity of it and that I can express my real feelings and get unbiased answers.

Basically, this. The people here help me to regulate my mood swings before I unleash them on my SO. And it also gives me hope, seeing all the successful couples on here. And seeing other people go through the same things as me, makes me feel better about it when I go through them.

And another thing: I've met some really cool people on here! I've never been so involved in a forum before as I am with this one, and I'm making friends from all over the place! A special shout out to Lucybelle though, who I find myself looking up too. Her life is where I want mine to be in a couple of years, and I have a lot of respect for her for accomplishing that. So thanks for the inspiration? :P

[rsvpnj]

LFAD has really just help me to realize that I wasn't the only one simultaneously feeling the frustration, sadness and hopefulness of an LDR. It has kept me strong in my LDR and has really helped my SO and I to grow closer over the last several years... We are getting close to the 10 year mark and this site has been a big part of that.

[books]

I think this site really normalized for me everythiing that seemed so strange when we first went LDR. LDR can be a state of mind thats so different and it helped seeing everyone going through similar things.

Agreed. When my SO and I first went LD, I was questioning if it was even possible b/c the whole idea of maintaining a serious relationship with someone who you barely communicate with in a another country seemed really crazy. Now I understand people do it all the time. I like that everyone here "gets" the whole LDR thing...from the doubtful comments from friends/family to the tearful goodbyes, there's an understanding amongst the members here about just how challenging it can be sometimes.