my life is hell - advice needed

[Haley53]

and now he's mad at me for telling my story. will my nightmare ever end? I love him, i can't leave him. he's not a horrible person, he's just hurt because of me.

When my boyfriend's mother passed away, he promised me it would not tear us apart. At the end of the month, he ended up ending our relationship because he needed time and space to sort things out. I also found out that he had not been completely honest about something that may not have been a big something, but it was still enough to hurt me. I felt angry, hurt, betrayed. I wanted nothing more than for him to hurt as much as I was in the same way that I was, and so you know what I did? Nothing. Because I loved him, because no matter how hurt and angry I was about his decisions, I loved him enough to understand where he was coming from, because that is what love is about. If he loved you, he would not fixate on the lie and on punishing you because of it (or punishing you at all), he would understand, or do his best to understand, why you didn't tell him the entire truth to begin with. He would be supportive of the trauma that you suffered and experienced. If he loved you, he would not have completely brainwashed you into thinking you're the bad one. He is an abusive person. It does not mean by default he is horrible, but it does mean he is abusive and treating you horribly. He's pissed off at you for telling your story because he's pissed everyone else realises what a cunt he is. It's harder to brainwash someone else when you've got other sources knowing and seeing him for exactly who he is. He's scared, because if you leave, he can no longer manipulate you. He is not scared that you will leave because he cares; he's scared you'll leave because then his game and fun stop.

[Oregongirl]

can he call the police and have them arrest me as soon as i step foot in the usa?

Did he actually tell you that? No he can't! He is manipulating you and is a liar, stay away from him!

[Haley53]

can he call the police and have them arrest me as soon as i step foot in the usa?

For what? o.O

[El_i]

for calling and emailing all the time non stop, for harassing

[goalie_girl34]

No he cannot. But why do you still care for this guy? Move on! This guy is a selfish manipulative jerk and not all you are mkaing him out to be. This is not a healthy relationship and this is not what love should feel like.

Please get into therapy, this guy is abusing you and you cant seem to tell.

[El_i]

i can't let go,i love him too much for that. i know i'm stupid, but i can't let go

[Oregongirl]

i can't let go,i love him too much for that. i know i'm stupid, but i can't let go

What is stopping you from letting go? he is not physically near you, all you have to do is not be in contact with him. You need some therapy because I really think you have some major abuse issues going on that go beyond this and the prior abuse that you mentioned. If you have alrady made up your mind then why are you coming here for advice, I don't understand that at all. I really hope that this isn't just some huge cry for attention because that would be a damn shame.

[Moon]

What is stopping you from letting go? he is not physically near you, all you have to do is not be in contact with him. You need some therapy because I really think you have some major abuse issues going on that go beyond this and the prior abuse that you mentioned. If you have alrady made up your mind then why are you coming here for advice, I don't understand that at all. I really hope that this isn't just some huge cry for attention because that would be a damn shame.

I was starting to think this feels a bit troll-ish myself.

[Oregongirl]

I was starting to think this feels a bit troll-ish myself.

Yeah, it's beginning to feel a bit off to me. I try not to be jaded but I've seen people fake having children,etc...., before online so nothing surprises me.

[El_i]

why would you think i'm faking anything?

[Oregongirl]

why would you think i'm faking anything?

You're not really talking about the advice offered to you at all. You just keep repeating that you love him,etc.... Most of the time when people are offered advice that usually respond by quoting said advice and talking about how it would impact them,etc... You really haven't done any of that at all. Either you're in a huge state of denial or you're faking it. If you really want help be open to advice instead of ignoring it.

[El_i]

i'm very upset at the moment and the advice you're giving me doesn't really help me now. but thanks anyway, i knew it was a mistake talking to strangers. sorry for wasting your time

[Oregongirl]

i'm very upset at the moment and the advice you're giving me doesn't really help me now. but thanks anyway, i knew it was a mistake talking to strangers. sorry for wasting your time

Not going to make me feel guilty about trying to help you.

[Zapookie]

No one here is going to give you advice on how to make an abuser love you back. Our opinions on this issue are coming from the outside - we see it how it is. You are stuck in the middle and need help to get out. If you don't want to take anyone's advice, then fine. We are only trying to help you see that this guy is a dick. But like they say, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

[Haley53]

I don't feel it's fair to gang up on the OP and call "troll!" Everyone's entitled to their opinions and I, too, have seen people lie about some horrible things down to the death of popular members on the site, but such accusations should not be made lightly and I tend to feel that if someone feels there's an issue with a troll, they should contact the site administrator as opposed to making a point of it on the OP's thread. Besides, if said OP IS a troll, it's about attention and response, so contributing with what's essentially an "I call troll" post does not end up doing much.

To the OPer, this is where I agree with Zapookie. No one's going to tell you how to heal a relationship that's a) beyond fixing and b) abusive and damaging to the victim, i.e. you. No one is going to give you anything but brutal honesty about what this relationship really is [about]. We aren't offering the help you want because whether or not you want to see it, doing that would be detrimental and damaging to your emotional, mental, and possibly your physical health as well. That doesn't mean we are not offering you help. We are offering you the help and wisdom of people who have been there, seen it, done it, and we are offering you help as third parties who can view your relationship better than you (same as someone else might be able to view my relationship better than me). But we cannot help you if you are not willing or wanting to help yourself.