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**snow_girl** · January 28, 2012, 03:34 PM

I think you should be more concerned about what your Dad said. If you are forgetting to do other things because you can't focus on anything other then your fiancee then that isn't healthy. You need to have a balance. You need to be able to keep a tidy house, get homework done, have you time. If these things are being compromised then you need to restructure your relationship.
As for your fiancee saying that he needs space cause he can't handle your problems, how do you think he will act once you are married? He can't just take a break then. Has he told you what he was having trouble with regarding your problems? Have you been trying to work on them?

**Jgui** · January 28, 2012, 03:43 PM

Did you ask him what he means by "many problems"? Just as snow_girl mentioned, he can't take a break once you're married. It's wise to work out any differences and issues now rather than later.

You didn't really state in specifics what you mean when you dad say "you don't get things done" so I don't want to assume anything. I also agree that you should have a well balanced lifestyle and relationship. Don't put your relationship on top of other priorities

**digitalfever** · January 28, 2012, 03:49 PM

I think you should focus on what your Dad said and place responsibility on the things that you "should" be doing. Love doesn't "fix" problems. You need to take responsibility for your "issues" and work on them. Even love can't keep people together just because they love each other.

**Haley53** · January 28, 2012, 04:25 PM

I also want to add, it depends on what your fiance means by "problems." You mention insecurity. If you love someone, yes, you're willing to work through things, but it depends on what you mean by working through things. For example, if you don't like him hanging out with other girls, him loving you does not mean he should stop hanging out with other girls and it could very well be a dealbreaker if it continues. There are going to be some things YOU need to take responsibility for and given what your father said about you, I would not be surprised if your fiance actually has a point.

**carolynred** · January 28, 2012, 04:27 PM

I agree with the others on the schoolwork. Your career is VERY important, but it is possible to balance an LDR and school at the same time. I am also in college and what I try to do is just a few texts here and there when I'm working, but not over doing it. My goal is to finish my school work first before I get into any deep conversations with my SO. I think of doing my schoolwork as motivation to talk to him. xD He respects that as well. Just look for that balance in your life.

As for your SO, I agree with the others in the fact that it would be something to look into for your future in the areas of problem dealing. Make sure that there is more behind what he is saying because sometimes people react for reasons we do not know about. Hopefully you two can have a good talk soon!

**meganpillow** · January 28, 2012, 05:17 PM

My family always told me that education comes first. Always. A relationship might come and go, but nobody can take away your education.
With that being said, balance is what is needed. You should be able to concentrate on what you got to do in college and be able to balance your relationship. If I can do it, so can you!

Marriage magnifies problems. When you have problems, you share it with your spouse. You are a team. There are no breaks in marriage. If he can't handle your problems then he can't handle a marriage.

I know it sounds harsh, but I can't tell you how many times I've seen women get so carried away in their relationship that they forget who THEY are as a INDIVIDUAL. Don't ever forget who you are. Finish that education of yours!

**Joni** · January 28, 2012, 06:41 PM

Thank you everyone for your advice I really appericate it. And when he says i have "too many problems" he means that my dad and I dont have a very good relationship becuase i focus so much of my time on my fiance and usually i take my anger out on my fiance. Also i am very insecure about myself because i was raped a year ago. I have not fully emotionally recovered from it yet and my fiance feels that i let me getting raped have control over me but then again i tell him that he will never understand whats its like. And by "i dont get my things done" my dad means that i dont do my chores (take care of the house), im always on my phone texting, i dont listen..etc. But thank you so much everyone for your advice.

**snow_girl** · January 28, 2012, 06:45 PM

Compromising one relationship for another is not healthy, you need to make some time for you and your Dad to hang out or just even talk. I can see why your Dad doesn't like the relationship, he's lost his daughter to some guy and she doesn't do anything that needs to be done. Work on cutting down time with your fiance, you have the rest of your life with him...your Dad will be gone someday so don't forget he loves you and shouldn't have to compete for your time. It also isn't fair to take things out on your SO, if you are having troubles still dealing with what happened to you, have you considered going to see a professional to talk?

**Joni** · January 28, 2012, 06:52 PM

The thing is i tell my fiance about how me and my dad dont get along and my fiance thinks my dad hates him but he doesnt. I have considered going to see a professional but i am also trying to get closer to God. My fiance goes to Church every Sunday and he always tells me that God is the answer. But i feel like my fiance helps me through everything and he really does. But i do think seeing a professional will help

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I need advice,please!!!!!!!

I need advice,please!!!!!!!

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