You're Too Young to Be In Love

[Haley53]

i dont think going behind your mothers back, or rushing into a marriage right out of school is a good idea, im sorry i just dont, i understand you love your SO i do not doubt that, but both are really risky and dangerous things

I'm headed to bed so I will respond to everyone in the morning, but as I asked in my original post, I would really like to keep things as debate free as possible. I understand you have your opinions on what's a good idea and what isn't, but I'd rather this thread not turn into being about what someone else is doing, as the purpose of the thread is to get opinions on what people think about this idea of young love.

[elizabethjp2010]

I'm headed to bed so I will respond to everyone in the morning, but as I asked in my original post, I would really like to keep things as debate free as possible. I understand you have your opinions on what's a good idea and what isn't, but I'd rather this thread not turn into being about what someone else is doing, as the purpose of the thread is to get opinions on what people think about this idea of young love.

wrong site, this was meant as a pm on facebook, to my friend who has known her SO 3 months, not meant for here

had this tab opened and wasnt paying attention, stupid up on my tv has my attention haha,

[Haley53]

wrong site, this was meant as a pm on facebook, to my friend who has known her SO 3 months, not meant for here

Okay.

[snow_girl]

I have never really had to deal with anyone telling me that I was too young to be in love or that what I was feeling wasn't real. My parents have always been supportive of my relationships growing up. I remember the first boy in high school I said I love you too, it was very real at the time. I don't love my current SO the same way as I did him, but I was younger and things were different. I still love/loved them both with all my heart and I don't think it was just a teen being blinded by butterflies or whatever. I don't think I've ever been critical of anyone younger's relationship, except my sister. She has always been very naive, and easily swayed so when she started dating some not so great guys who gave her attention she never had before both me and my mom were wary of whether it was real love or just her craving the attention she never had. She met a guy online before breaking up with her ex and he was 8 years older when she met him at 17, my mom and I both worried what his intentions were and how that 'older guy' complex might blind her to things that are not quite right. They ended up dating for two years and I've always been a little critical of it. She never got to be single after her and her ex broke up because he perused her even before they broke up. The whole thing just never sat right with me and my mom so that is why I've been critical. Other then that, to each their own really. I'm not one to judge.

[DollOnAMusicBox]

When youre 3, you love Barney and have to watch that dvd every day. When youre 7 you love the power rangers and need the halloween costume. When youre 12 you love Justin Bieber and scream at the top of your lungs whenever hes mentiomed. When youre 16, your heart races at the thought of your first car. When youre 20something...you love happy hour on the weekends and mark the ritual on your calendar, startig a fresh countdown every monday. Young developing minds move from one love to the next with a surprisingly short attention span, preparing us for adulthood where we continue the same path. I remember my first REAL heartbreak. (I was 12; my favorite backstreet boy checked into rehab). By adulthood passions and convictions are laid out and now we're ready to find that mr/mrs right, because we know ourselves, and are comfortable with ourselves. (you cant love someone else until you love yourself). I think that when youre young and you have that first boyfriend it's a great experience. But I will rarely bet theyre youre first and last love.

I, personally dont believe in dating until youre 16. (WAAAY old fashion, I know). Ive felt that way since I was 12...I dont know exactly why. I had my first real love at 17 and dreamed of marriage and babies. Its natural. And you cant speak logic to a heart. But we broke up when I went to college and he didnt. I grew so much and sadly left him behind, I think, in terms of realizing how the world works. Now I am where I am today. And I dont see myself anywhere else now.

As a young teacher I will say that cuddling teenagers in the stairwell is the last thing I want to see on hall duty. Holding hands and canoodling, and being late to class because you were carrying suzie's books IS NOT cute. Love will not trump my photosynthesis quiz. And the few students who have learned about my relationship have also heard me say "Don't do it, meeting someone online isnt safe at your age, and long distance relationships make you old."

I think the reason older people look back at the young and are so quick to call them out as foolish or silly is because they see their own lives and experiences at that age. Hindsight is 20/20. I often look back at my high school boyfriend and see all of the red flags much earlier than I saw them at the time. Once again, its only natural.

Overall, I dont have a problem with younger people telling me that they are in love. BUT... anyone who gets married and is too young to drink at their own wedding is going to bother me. But to each their own.

[greensweatergirl]

Love will not trump my photosynthesis quiz.

I'm not sure why, but this struck me as one of the most perfect and hilarious sentences every written.

[elizabethjp2010]

I'm not sure why, but this struck me as one of the most perfect and hilarious sentences every written.

it made me laugh too

[Ianthe]

I will say that I've seen happy, fulfilling (and long!) marriages come from high school sweethearts, and have seen 60-year-olds get into relationships that make me go "REALLY?! Really. Are. You. Serious." So there is no real age minimum/limit to real love OR love-blindness. That said...

You're never too young to be in love. But love isn't enough to hold up a relationship.

When you're 14-15-16-ish, you have insane amounts of hormones running through you that you're not used to. And holy moly, that rush you get from your "first love"...it's something special. Who on earth wants to hear that those feelings aren't love/are only temporary? Especially in a high school atmosphere, where dating is almost a requirement, and girls with promise/engagement rings seem to have a better social status than others. So while I do roll my eyes when I hear "don't tell me I'm not in love because I'm 15 (or whatever age), I know better", it's not because they aren't possibly in love, it's because they don't yet understand that most relationship troubles don't arise from lack of love, and can't be solved by loving more.

In that vein, I respectfully disagree that a LDR is necessarily the true test of a relationship. Not even including the obvious dangers of online predators, there is so much that we can't learn about our partners from so far away. The points that a few others have brought up (about learning to be apart and dealing with stress without your partner) are very valid points. Being forced to trust your partner is another. But those same LDRs can have more issues when learning to be around each other in a CD setting, and that's when many couples fall apart. The true test (in my opinion) is learning to navigate through change with each other...whether it's being forced to live apart, or suddenly finding yourself living together, or through illness, or job losses, anything that causes a massive paradigm shift. Change can make people into their worst self...can you understand that and work through that with not only your partner, but yourself? Can you accept that the relationship won't always be roses and chocolate, without letting yourself be mistreated?

Additionally, do you know what you want from your partner? Do you know what they want from you? Are you both able and willing to provide that to each other? If you don't know, or your answer is "just love"...then I feel you have some soul-searching to do.

So no, I don't think there's a minimum age to find "The One"...but it takes some experience to understand love doesn't guarantee a happy ending.

[Ianthe]

I think the reason older people look back at the young and are so quick to call them out as foolish or silly is because they see their own lives and experiences at that age. Hindsight is 20/20. I often look back at my high school boyfriend and see all of the red flags much earlier than I saw them at the time. Once again, its only natural.

I was going to mention something similar to this as well! When we're younger, many of us expect abuse to be like it is in the movies, where the woman or man gets slapped around or thrown down stairs. It takes some time and experience to realize that there are WAY more subtle (and arguably just as nasty) forms of abuse.

You can love an abusive partner more than anyone, but you more than likely won't be able to love them out of hurting you.

[frompanthertomustang]

I think all that have commented have made excellent points. I think it highly depends on the two people themselves. I know a few sixteen year olds that are more mature than most thirty-five year olds. I met my SO within the first week of sixth grade... we were both eleven. We were great friends for seven years, then began dating at eighteen. We both grew so much within that seven years and are continuing to grow now. While it's true that your twenties are the time to discover who you are, and you a prone to many big changes, the same thing happens from your preteen to your teenaged years. I feel that a lot of couples that have known each other for a while, and seen each other through middle school and high school have grown just as much together as couples going through their twenties. While the changes you experience through middle and high school are definitely not your last, having a strong friendship through that, I think, can really help your relationship in the future. I think every young relationship has promise if the two people involved are willing to work hard to be together, and accept the changes the other goes through as well as the things that stay the same!

[Xanahtas]

This is coming from someone who is only 16 and engaged... This really got me thinking. Probably a few typos, sorry!

I think some people at my age can and do make serious relationships work. My SO's parents were young when they married (His mum was 18) my grandparents were the same. They have all had long happy marriages. My friends parents were 14 when they met and married in their early 20's and their still together now. I dont think age has much to do with it. Its the maturity of the people involved. I know people in my sisters year at school (she is 12) that have their bf's and within a few days its all over. But my friend has been with her bf since they were 12 and are still together now and they're both nearly 17. So it can and does happen, but maturity has a big part.

Not long ago i posted a thread and everyone was like "Dont marry! Your young, dont know what your doing" and i respect thier views. They have a view from the outside and may pick up on things i dont realise. Some things that have been picked up on i completely agree with. And im not trying to start another big thing up, but i know i can pull this off, im mature enough to do so and i know there are gonna be hard times, very hard times. Marriage isnt all fun a games. It takes a heck of a lot more than just love to pull it off - and thats for people all ages. My friend who is the same age as me, couldnt get married and pull it off, she said this herself. She isnt mature enough.
Many years ago, it was normal to marry at 18 and even younger. But in todays society its normal to get married older so everyone tends to look down on people who are together young. I know people who are 25 and still couldnt have a serious relationship, couldnt marry. My brother is one of them.

Being in a LDR does push your relationship to the max. Me and my SO have found this recently. Many things can get in the way of your future - but its finding a way to get round it and work something out.

Most people seem to think that relationships are all about physical desire. People who are 12 are now start sexual relationships. Which in my opinion is disgusting. I think relationships for some younger people are just a ticket for sex and status. This isnt the meaning of relationships.

My best friend got into a bad relationship. He manipulated her, controlled her and horrible things went on. She couldnt see what was going on from inside the relationship. I tried many times to tell her this isnt right and something has to be done. But she was convinced they were madly in love and would always be together. 9months later it all fell apart and her friends didnt want to know her because she had turned into a bitch. I learnt that it is important to listen to people who are aorund you, they can see things in your relationship that you may NOT see. Thats why i always take on board things people say. Some people dont have the power to do that - they find its jealousy of them or something.

I have judged younger people in relationships. And most of the time they have ended within days, or weeks. You seem them get together, and their like "I love you baby, for the rest of our lives, i'll always love you" and they have literally been together for an hour or so. Then within a few weeks its all over and they never speak again.

In some cases, young love does work out, in some case, the people just arent mature enough to do it or dont have the patience to do so. So as for an age, i wouldnt say there is one. I dont think people should always judge to young people in love, like me and my SO for example. 16 and 20, engaged, LD, people think we're crazy and are doing completely the wrong thing. But thats people who dont know us. Close people to us do say we can get this to work and have so far. They can see the love thats there and the determination between us. They tell us the truth, if we're being stupid, and they have done so a few times. And possible saved us from doing something terribly stupid. I think if other young people can do this, then the relationship can go far. If they cant, its best to leave them to fall apart and be there for them when that happens. In the end, we're all young still, anything can happen. We have to accept that.

Its best to make mistakes and learn from them when we're young, have our hearts broken, and make stupid decisions instead of someone sugar coating it and making it all look pretty. Tbh, love isnt pretty, its hard and pushes us. We just have to find out who is worth fighting and suffering for, and who is best out of our lives.

[HollzHeartsChris]

So I'm curious, what do you think? What are your opinions on young love? And if you've ever criticised it, has it been their feelings or their way of presenting and conducting themselves/their relationships?

I don't think it's impossible to experience young love. Being almost 19 myself and having experienced the feeling of being in love at this young age, I know that it is possible with the right person. I've known those who've been in relationships since they were 14 and they're still in relationships today, more than 5 years later. I suppose some might argue that you only experience real love when you're older, but how do you explain those who've been married for 60 years and got married when they were 20? How do you explain childhood sweethearts growing up together and later marrying one another and spending their lives together?

I've been criticized by my parents on my relationships in the past, and I think it's simply because they can't feel what I've felt when I've been in love at this age, they both got married the first time when they were young but I'm sure they recall exactly how it felt. But that's just me.

[Dziubka]

I don't think that people are overly critical of you love, people are critical of almost everything teenagers do, especially if it invloves long-term commitment. And honestly in most cases, that approach is pretty justified.
How many of us still do things were swore we'd always do when we were 15? How many of us started doing things we swore we'd never do, when were were 15? How many of us still like the same things we thought we'd always like? A lot of things that were an absolute thrill or a lot of fun to us when we were 15, have lost their appeal completely or become everyday. How many of us wanted to become singers, actors or astronauts and ended up as (happy) accountants, lawyers or nurses? It doesn't mean all those passions and dreams and the love you feel at that age, isn't real or important. It's all very real and it's ok and healthy to be passionate about all these things as a teenagers. But it's also ok to not take that all too seriously as an adult. It is a fact that a lot of emotions you experience at that age are straw fires. It doesn't make them any less real, but it does mean that in some cases it's justified to treat them differently from a relationship between two adults.
There's a lot of things you learn about yourself and about what you want, when you grow up. I've become a lot more demanding with age. What I thought was great at 17, when I had my first serious relationship, wouldn't even meet my minimal requirements in a relationship now. This has made me a lot happier and my relationships a lot better. But in order to reach this point I needed to learn about all these better things out there. I needed to learn they exist in order to demand them. I see a lot of young people or people with little relationship experience (here but also in my circle of friends) accept things that make me speechless. They just don't know (yet) that there's an alternative to that out there and that your boyfriend not letting you talk to members of the opposite sex is NOT normal.

Giving up on your education or making any life altering decisions, for someone or something you love at 15 isn't a good idea imho, though. It's not a good idea to do that at any other age, either, BUT I feel that at 25 or 35 or 45 you can estimate the consequences a lot better and wager the pros and cons of your decision more reasonably.
I'm sorry I need to say this but:

I'm willing to delay college and marry him early, rather than wait and possibly lose him forever (he's a Marine).

is not an example of maturity for me. It's got nothing to do with age, but giving up on or putting off your education for your partner? Especially when you're young and have no other qualifications? Not a good idea.

That said, I need to disagree with Moon on the high school kids in LDRs. I had a weekend relationship when I was in high school. We lived about 100km apart, so it was sort of a long distance relationship. Anyway, I don't think I missed out on any of the high school experiences. Why does being in a long distance relationship mean I can't go to school parties or travelling abroad? I did all of these things (as much as possible), even while having a boyfriend. He was very supportive of me having my own experiences at life. (Oh well, until I wanted to move abroad, that's when I broke up with him, because [see paragraph above])

[carolynred]

I'll agree on the point that there can be love at a young age.

However, it certainly is not the same type of love as we get older. When we are older we have a stronger sense of what we truly want in a companionship with someone. At a young age, its more about the idea of being in love, physicality, and just the excitement of having a significant other. I remember when I was in high school and being in a relationship was a social norm and a guaranteed ticket to the next Homecoming dance or prom. Did it feel real? Of course! We don't know any better, but I feel like young love is what makes us know better by the end of it. Young love helps us learn lessons that we may not have realized prior to the relationship. I certainly have changed my outlook on what I want in a SO due to my experiences in the past. I was taught that dating of course is an experience to be happy with someone you care about, but when you are young its also to show you who your true husband/wife will be. You go through a variety of relationships, some better, longer, shorter, or crazier than others, but when you get older and find someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you know (or hopefully know) that's it them because you've learned what a mature love really stands for.

I had two long term relationships and one very short term relationship when I was in high school. As much as I frown at some of the moments and question my thought processes at the time, I can honestly say had I not gone through those, I don't think I would be as close to understanding what a true and mature love should be like. Its still an ongoing process of course, that's life after all. The young love was very real to me; I swore I was going to marry my last ex, yet, it was the blindness of that love which lead to a heartbreak that truly opened my eyes. Yes, it has not been a long stretch of time from when my ex and I broke up, but even in that time span I feel WAY more understanding of what I really need when I date someone. For once, its nice to be the one that's not having the pants in the relationship. I'm happy to give those away!

Now that being said, like others who have posted, I also have seen young love last and flourish beyond its years. My grandparents got together in high school and waited until my grandfather had settled a job before marrying. There is the possibility that boy can meet girl at a young age and still love one another when they're older. I think it takes two mature teenagers who are beyond their years to have that though. I don't frown upon the idea of young love, I just find myself criticizing the actions of immature young love. When two people get together for benefits, I can't stand that, but love is different in everyone's minds. To each their own.

In all, I feel that young love is a real deal in some cases. If it was not, then it wouldn't make sense why after a breakup we are still emotionally drawn to that person. How years later from a break up, those same feeling we had in the past can come rushing back when we see that ex again. Young love is taking a risk sometimes, we just want to be happy. That's human nature to desire the company of another for happiness. The risk may lead to happiness that lasts beyond the hormones and craziness of youth, but it can also lead to a heartbreak that we sometimes need in our lives whether we realize it or not.

I'm glad you started this topic Eclaire, I've really enjoyed reading everyone's opinions and responses. Its a very interesting topic.

[Moon]

That said, I need to disagree with Moon on the high school kids in LDRs. I had a weekend relationship when I was in high school. We lived about 100km apart, so it was sort of a long distance relationship. Anyway, I don't think I missed out on any of the high school experiences. Why does being in a long distance relationship mean I can't go to school parties or travelling abroad? I did all of these things (as much as possible), even while having a boyfriend. He was very supportive of me having my own experiences at life. (Oh well, until I wanted to move abroad, that's when I broke up with him, because [see paragraph above])

You're right, Dziubka, but reading most posts on here, you're the exception though, I think. So many of the kids on here do skip that stuff because of various reasons relating to their SO's, like jealousy or insecurity issues. Of course it doesn't mean you can't do those things, it's just that too many high schoolers do skip out on them so they can sit in front of computers, or chaining themselves to their phones. I think I meant that when young people do that, they don't realize what they're missing or that they'll never get this time back for a re-do when things don't work out.

One of the problems with young love is teens tend to make that boy/girl friend their whole lives, and wrap themselves completely into the relationship, letting very little else in. But, that's normal, it's just how it usually works at that age, teens are wired to do things to the extreme, in a way. It's all part of the learning process.