You're Too Young to Be In Love

[Joyce:)]

My grandparents got together when my granny was 15 and my grampa was 17. Nothing but death managed to stand between them. Age isn't an issue for me, it's the maturity of the couple that matters. 12, 15, 18, 20 or 30 year old people who throw around the word "love", who are too focused on the idea of falling in love that they believe that any stranger is "the one", well they are too young to be in love.

[Moon]

Man, all this negativity for first love is getting me down .

Funny, looking over these posts, I see very little negativity, just a healthy dose of realism, much of it from young people. I think you may be a bit biased and reading into things that aren't really there. I think, for the most part, this has been an interesting and surprisingly civil thread.

[DollOnAMusicBox]

Personally I feel that the "people used to get married at 14" argument is not a valid defense for someone who is in a young relationship (when you feel you need to defend it). Marriage and love are different, often found true by those couples who were married in their early teens back in history. Those marriages rarely were for love, many were for duty or convenience...neither of which are what you're trying to defend. Not too long ago a woman couldn't survive in the world without a man by her side...that was the necessity for marriage. It had nothing to do with love. You were lucky if your marriage turned into love in those days. But "Young Mariage" and "Young Love" are two completely different topics. And if someone confuses them, thats when people judge. I realize that was a tangent.

I recommend the song "If Love Was a Plane" by Brad Paisley. I sort of see this discussion in that song, because we're all here giving commentary about young love/first relationships from the outside. But really...we all do it. You look at the young couple and say "its best they don't know." And then you look at your own life and say "to hell with the odds, I'd rather not know." Because no matter what age you are, you always think THIS relationship will be different. That's the part of our hearts that are still young. Some of us have just changed and love differently now. Makes you think.

[Bethypoo]

[QUOTE=lucybelle;180952]To me, it doesn't matter how "mature" kids are at this age, you are not mature enough to have a baby and you are not mature enough to handle the complexities of marriage.

So, young couples- have fun, go out, fall in love, have your heart broken and mended, experiment, but be careful and stay young. Don't try to grow up too fast.[COLOR="Silver"]

I THINK THIS IS THE BEST POST HERE! It is the honest truth. Not judgmental of anyone, it is just true to life!!

[carolynred]

Personally I feel that the "people used to get married at 14" argument is not a valid defense for someone who is in a young relationship (when you feel you need to defend it). Marriage and love are different, often found true by those couples who were married in their early teens back in history. Those marriages rarely were for love, many were for duty or convenience...neither of which are what you're trying to defend. Not too long ago a woman couldn't survive in the world without a man by her side...that was the necessity for marriage. It had nothing to do with love. You were lucky if your marriage turned into love in those days. But "Young Mariage" and "Young Love" are two completely different topics. And if someone confuses them, thats when people judge. I realize that was a tangent.

I recommend the song "If Love Was a Plane" by Brad Paisley. I sort of see this discussion in that song, because we're all here giving commentary about young love/first relationships from the outside. But really...we all do it. You look at the young couple and say "its best they don't know." And then you look at your own life and say "to hell with the odds, I'd rather not know." Because no matter what age you are, you always think THIS relationship will be different. That's the part of our hearts that are still young. Some of us have just changed and love differently now. Makes you think.

I couldn't agree more with this. Plus the song reference, I agree fits exactly what this discussion is all about.

[SDPersona]

Personally I feel that the "people used to get married at 14" argument is not a valid defense for someone who is in a young relationship (when you feel you need to defend it). Marriage and love are different, often found true by those couples who were married in their early teens back in history. Those marriages rarely were for love, many were for duty or convenience...neither of which are what you're trying to defend. Not too long ago a woman couldn't survive in the world without a man by her side...that was the necessity for marriage. It had nothing to do with love. You were lucky if your marriage turned into love in those days.

Yes, you definitely have to consider the circumstances and the time when you're talking about grandparents or parents who got together or married young. You simply can't compare, because now is different from what was then. In my grandparents' time, people had to go work at a young age - I'm talking at age fifteen - and they didn't or couldn't afford a long education like what we have now. Therefore, they already had life experience and were settled when they got married.
Now, it's really different. Most people get to have a long education and that is worth a lot in our times. There are plenty other things to consider, like how people think and act these days. Which ultimately means, it's not really smart to get married and/or be parents at a young age when you still have a long way to go education-wise, get settled into work-life and get experience. What's definitely OK, though, is young love. I think it's not too bad if people fall in love young and you can't really be too young for that, in my book. Love is a part of life, as long as you learn to watch out for yourself, too. I know it is so very easy to lose sight of yourself when you're young in love. I was like that once.

[Sierra]

So I'm curious, what do you think? What are your opinions on young love? And if you've ever criticised it, has it been their feelings or their way of presenting and conducting themselves/their relationships?

Young love, how young are we talking. For me, I know in high school I thought I was in love with several different guys. Was I? LOL, not at all. I think that when I talk about "young love" I don't want to see people ... investing time in something that ALMOST ALWAYS doesn't work out when you're young.

But I think there's a reason it almost always work out when you're very young. When you're 14, 15, 16, 17, even a young 18 or older depending on maturity level, you are still changing as a person and really learning who you are and what you want from the world. It's easy to do this WITH another person, but in reality, that's just not how the world works.

I think it's important to find yourself first, find your voice, find who you are and know what you want before, as I've seen, so many young people do, deciding to let the relationship define them and their happiness. I know one time I asked my cousin who says she was in love with a guy when she was 17, who she was without her boyfriend, what made her happy and could she tell me what she wanted from life for JUST HERSELF. And she couldn't.

Now when they broke up did it make her hurt any less real? Certainly not. And I must validate her feelings because no matter what, she felt them. Do I think when she's say, a little older, she'll find someone totally different and fall head over heals and come laughing to me about how she thought she was in love with the guy from high school? I know it. Because I was once her.

In general, it saddens me to see young people in an LDR. I feel like they are wasting the time they should be spending out having fun pining away over something that may or may not happen and they are essentially powerless to control. I'm not sure that I've ever criticized anyone here for being too young to be in love, but I do try to explain my logic to people especially when they are young.

At the end of the day, something I'm sure we all know is this. We all have to make our own mistakes. We have to fall flat on your faces to learn and hindsight is 20-20. I think it's my hindsight that leads me to be ... I wouldn't say critical but cynical when it comes to young love.

Then again I was the one freshman year of high school who went around saying Romeo and Juliet had NO clue what love was, they were way too young and wrote this whole paper about love vs young love vs infatuation.

^^ ETA: I still feel the same way I did when I was 14.

[floridaellen]

Eclaire: I'm kind of confused as to what we are considering young. Less than 25 years old? 20? 18? 16? I think that really affects my feelings on this topic.

[Haley53]

I'm about to head to class but a quick response to floridaellen, I'm mainly thinking "young love" as in teenagers and college students. If I had to give it a numerical value, maybe 22/23 and under? That's generally what I think of when I think of "young" in reference to "young love."

[floridaellen]

I'm about to head to class but a quick response to floridaellen, I'm mainly thinking "young love" as in teenagers and college students. If I had to give it a numerical value, maybe 22/23 and under? That's generally what I think of when I think of "young" in reference to "young love."

Alright thanks! That's also what I was thinking but I wanted to make sure.

[Haley53]

I have been really busy with school - group projects, and now midterms! - but I wanted to drop in to let everyone know that I have been reading and even if I'm no longer responding to you all individually, all of your responses are being thought about and I'm finding them fascinating.

Some things I'm agreeing with and some I'm not. I have been busy and am usually exhausted by the time I get home (I have a pretty busy schedule this quarter) and then when I have lazy days I spend them, well, being lazy. :P But if I get around to it, I'll type a more contributive post. However, I really am glad I started this thread. It's interesting to see the differences in opinion being shared.