Better to know?

[SDPersona]

I used to want to know everything there is to know about my ex-boyfriends sexual history - the how, when and with whom. Just like some of you I wasn't feeling good or happy about it because it caused tensions more than release it. After a while I learned, that if it wasn't life-altering it isn't really important to know about this kind of past. It's just the past. What definitely counts is the present and the future, e.g. in how he treats you, especially.

My SO and me only know about each other's sexual history, because we were playing truth and dare with some of our friends before we got together. Would I have asked if I didn't know beforehand? Yes, if it regards a current situation or issue or topic.

[kiara_silver]

My SO has it easy lol he's my first, so he doesn't have the unpleasant news of my past. Other then tv crushes and a few funny stories, i haven't talked much to any guys before him. He on the other hand has a few stories, and he's shared with me his past, without me even having to ask, and for me I want to know. I actually think for us and me, i have to know, because when i see things and i don't ask about it, i let it sit and i get paranoid and left wondering. Plus everything that he's opened up to and i actually asked about the details that i wanted to know we've moved on and its in the past. I don't have to dwell on it. So yeah i like to know all his past history and anything that goes on or is going on.

[Sierra]

For me, ignorance to a certain level, is bliss.

I tend to have retroactive jealousy which isn't fair to my boyfriend or him. I think it's important to understand why serious relationships ended so you can get to know a person better, but other than that...I don't need to know.

I realize as we get to know each other people, our dating pasts will come up and that's fine because it's generally a very casual conversation, but I don't want or need ghosts from the past in my relationship now.

I always tell myself, they are exes for a reason. Him and I, we're together now. That's what matters.

[nicole]

I'd rather not know to a certain extent. We had some trouble with his 2 of his ex's at the beginning of our relationship, and I wanted to know what was going on with that. But then he'd tell stories about "girls he used to date" and it felt like a knife to the heart every time. He did it this weekend. He used her nick-name when he realised what he was about to say but I knew who he was talking about. Unless they're being crazy bitches and trying to meddle, I don't want to know, it just hurts and upsets me if I know more.

[sarahrosestevey]

My SO and I know absolutely everything about each others relationship/sexual pasts. One night when he was here, we just got talking about exes/past flings/what have you, and we ended up talking about our pasts for about four hours. I like knowing things like that. One thing he said was that he has always has this girl, who is never keen on him when he is single but suddenly is when he is taken, and that made me feel a bit weary but I know he isn't into her/into her playing games. And he's told me he likes knowing about my past.

Sometimes I'll ask him the funniest thing that's happened to him during sex, or something, and then he'll ask me the same and it's always just a laugh.

Maybe we are just weird, ha.

[keminlove]

I think if it's in important to you than you have the right to know and maybe you should let him so that he'll be more upfront with you.
I personally would also want to know especially in your case where both of you are hanging out with his ex, that is kind of need to know
info. I feel like you need to be more upfront about that kind of info especially because of the distance and knowing will ease any questions
yo may have.

[sweetshay]

If my SO is still talking to this person, has them on fb, or even works at the same job -- ANY contact whatsoever, I would want to know. Cause whether people want to believe it or not, ex's will always have the slightest bit of threat, whether it be romantically or just some dirt on who you're currently dating

[Sora1101]

I think I would want to know only because I'm very curious by nature and I love knowing everything about my SO, even the bad. It never really concerned me all that much though, he only dated a handful of girls in high school and one or two when he was in the navy, but now that I'll be moving to where he grew up it's a very small town so I'm bound to run into his exes and I would like to know who they are just because I'd hate everyone knowing about me and I know nothing of them.

[blankita719]

We sort of have a weird beginning in that his ex was my childhood best friend - and I used to hear ALL kinds of things about him before we even met.

I tend to not lot his exes bother me too much. I have had moments where I wish I didn't know certain things about his past (well, really about said ex who was my childhood best friend) but for the most part, I prefer being really open and honest about everything. I had a very bad experience with someone who hid stuff from me and I was always getting blindsided. So I'm more of a fan of knowing things about him as opposed to not.

[Rugger]

Thanks fir all the feedback guys, It's really helped me sort of my feelings on the situation.

I approached him about it last night , starting with" After our conversation the other day, I realized you know a lot more about me than I know about you". He basically said that it was nothing special and had no meaning and that our next visit, we'll talk and set everything straight so there will be no more surprises. I think this whole thing has been a breakthrough in our relationship. He's a really tough nut to crack as far as his feelings go, and him inviting me to ask him about the sort of stuff makes me feel good.

Thanks as always everyone! I don't know how I'd survive this LDR without you!

[Bethypoo]

Yes and no. And I feel like there was a thread about this a while back. But anyway, I want to know the important stuff, how many relationships, there general attitude and if they had sex. Other than that, i dont really want to know the details. Either bad or good.

I didnt tell my SO about something that happened a few weeks before we got together because i didn't think it was a big deal. It wasn't important/meaningful and happened before we got together. Well, he found out and then was so mad at me! Sometimes it does matter, it just depends on the person.

But in general, I think that it is a good idea to have most of the past out there. Because it can breed mistrust if they found out about something they would have wanted to know sooner.

Did you tell him you wanna know everything?

[Rugger]

We're going to discuss it the next time we visit. I don't really want o know everything. I don't want to know about every one he's had sex with. I want to know about relationships because I honestly won't run into every girl he's had sex with because we aren't from the same area. And knowing about the other girls he's fucked will drive me crazy.

[Sarahjacobs]

I'd want to know and he should tell you. He shouldn't ever keep anything from you. He seems like a skeevy person.