Negative Friend ... Part Two.

[Sierra]

Alright this is basically just a rant. I'm sure I've mad posts here before about one of my good friends who was EXTREMELY negative about my relationship. We talked about it, she got better, but I ended up having to end the friendship because it just wasn't good for me. Fast forward to last month, I "officially" (as in I mentioned it on Facebook so it's Facebook official ) let my friends know I was leaving California and there's the negative friend in my ear again telling me we should be friends again before I move because our friendship is too important.

Call me a sucker, call me whatever you want, but I decided she was right. Since giving her another try, yet again, she's been nothing but negative about my relationship.

"You're always going to Texas, your boyfriend never comes here." Um, I'm moving there and need to get used to the area?
"You're never available when I am because you're visiting with your boyfriend" Um, my schedule doesn't revolve around you and we get 3 days together usually once a month?
She asks me about things I'm doing in May and gets all pissy when I say I can't because I'll be gone.

To be honest, I don't know if it's worth having another talk with her, part of me just wants to call her and tell her that just because she's single doesn't mean she gets to rain on other people's parades and I'm sick of it. I do tell her that it bothers me, but nothing changes. I know I'm wasting my time and I'm not sure why. I guess, more than all, I'm really disappointed. This is one of my oldest friends, I've seen her be happy for our mutual friends as they get married and more forward with their lives but she can't be happy for me about ANYTHING regarding my relationship or my move.

Why are people dumb?
/rant over

[Dauntedpoet]

Okay totally inappropriate reaction.. but I laughed so hard while reading this, until the last line where you said you were disappointed, because I have the exact SAME friend. I ended up being 'really busy' a lot because I couldn't deal with the negativity, and quite frankly it hurt me. The upside is, once you're in Texas it will be much easier to manage a relationship with her from a distance.

[Sierra]

Okay totally inappropriate reaction.. but I laughed so hard while reading this, until the last line where you said you were disappointed, because I have the exact SAME friend. I ended up being 'really busy' a lot because I couldn't deal with the negativity, and quite frankly it hurt me. The upside is, once you're in Texas it will be much easier to manage a relationship with her from a distance.

It's totally ok to laugh lol I didn't even make this post to get any replies just to get it off my chest. I'm sure a TON of us have this same friend. Luckily, I'm working two jobs right now and I AM really busy to it's much easier to just tell her no, I can't hang out. I think part of me is afraid if we do and she gets to be a Negative Nancy I'm just going to go POSTAL on her.

Her negativity does hurt me. Deeply. It upsets me that she was extremely supportive of me being in an unhealthy relationship and now that I've found someone who's great - she can't be supportive. I support her decisions and want nothing more than for her to find someone, but you know what, it's not fair of her to take out frustrations on ... now that I realized it, probably her last "single" (as in not married) friend.

And you know what else? I don't feel like being reminded to be respectful of a relationship should be necessary. What happened to common decency? She just uses the "well I'm your friend wouldn't you like to hear it from someone" excuse and when I try to explain to her that she's warping reality to prove her point and that's not how it is at all she just won't hear it.

I do know once I'm actually away, it'll be much, much easier to manage her. But right now, I'm really regretting reconnecting those ties.

[Haley53]

It's possible that she's one of those who's extremely supportive of you so long as you're more miserable than they are. I have a friend who is extremely supportive of most of her friends when they're in miserable/unhappy relationships, yet she's considerably less so when those relationships are doing well. She'll oftentimes find flaws that are more or less nonexistent, but can quite honestly be irrational. And I'll admit that it can be difficult not to take personally, but what I had to realise is that it has nothing to do with me or my relationship, and I would guess it's the same for you. In fact, you might even consider it some bizarre form of flattery; for her to be so critical of your relationship and not so much of others must mean she's quite envious of what you and your SO have, whether it's something she sees or merely the fact that your love has managed to conquer the distance and other problems as it has. It may also have to do with the fact that you taking the next steps in your relationship means she's the last of the group to be engaged/married/serious about someone, especially given that she's single, and this can bring out the worst of competition in some people.

That being said, I think your options are either to limit what you tell her/keep what she sees on Facebook limited, or try not to let it bother you. :/ I don't suggest confronting her only because it will reinforce her behaviour, in my opinion. There are some people who are so generally unhappy with their lives that they literally feed off of other people's misery and will be so overly critical of someone else's happiness even if they're extremely supportive/kind otherwise. I think confronting her about it would do little for her in the way of self-reflection and more in the way of giving her the smug satisfaction that she has one over on you. :/

[Sierra]

Right now I don't think I can confront her without losing my temper. But I won't tolerate basically shit talking about my boyfriend and my relationship. I know you are right Eclaire, at the end of the day it has everything to do with her being jealous and I should realize that she may just want what I have found. She does, like your friend, falsify things and she'll say things like "Well you said blah blah blah" and it's really like um, NO I didn't. I would NEVER say something like that especially to her knowing that she picks apart my relationship the way she does.

Sometimes it really does feel like she's trying to get me to break up with my boyfriend, but I won't because of her input. before I tried to nicely tell her that really at the end of the day her opinion on my relationship and my boyfriend didn't matter one bit to me and I don't think she's used to that at all. She has these friendships where she manipulates people into feeling like they need her approval but I am really not one of those people at all. The last thing I need is her approval.

I do feel like she's competitive with me and trying to bring down my feelings of self-worth with her comments but I really just won't play her silly games.

[digitalfever]

Please like this are not worth you breath. You deserve people who wont nit pick and nag. Dash away with her and all her negative energy!

[Sharon Q]

She probably views this as losing you/ him taking you away from her. You said she was your oldest friend right?
To her she's losing you to someone she may feel hardly knows you.

I suggest you talk to her and ask her why she is so negitive about the relationship.
She probably feels hurt and isnt sure how to express those feelings.