So if you've seen some of my more recent posts or read any of my more recent blogs, you'd have read that things between my partner and I have significantly improved since he made it over the final hurdles and stressors in his current situation. As I mentioned in one of my blogs, it has genuinely been a complete lightswitch change, and though things aren't 100%, they are once again approaching a state of normalcy. And all of that is great, but I will admit that I feel somewhat strange (but in a good way)? Which may make some of this a bit hard to verbalise...
For a bit of history, I am someone who has significant abandonment issues and issues with separation anxiety as well. This anxiety frequently surfaces in friendships and in relationships, and my current relationship was no exception. However, since everything has settled down, I actually feel... secure? I feel as though there's been a shift in our relationship, or even that it's still shifting, in a very positive way, and I'm not sure I can quite put my finger on how yet. A couple of my friends have said it's normal, that we survived something huge, something that tests marriages, something that's extremely difficult in general let alone given the distance and the additional circumstances we faced, but it's strange to me. Because I'm not used to not worrying. I have almost been grasping at things to worry about (for which I've been slapping my wrist, I assure you) because these feelings of security and contentedness are so bizarre and foreign to me. When discussing this with my partner earlier, even he said he has no insecurities about our relationship at all.
And I'm not saying our relationship was not this way before - our relationship, even given the turbulence we hit given everything that went on, has always been solid - but there's something different about this time. It's almost as though before, I would tell you that one thing I love so much about my partner is "he makes me feel safe and secure." I would love his confidence in our relationship. But now, it's almost as though I don't feel the need for those things? I love reassurance as much as the next girl, and I sometimes get nervous without it, but overall I would say that I no longer need him to make me feel safe and secure because I have that faith and confidence in our relationship in general. I feel, in a way, that our relationship somewhat matured through this experience. Of course we are both still young and have a lot to learn, I'm not saying we aren't, but it's strange realising that we not only made it through something so completely jarring but we made it through and it ended up further solidifying our foundation. I have never felt this level of safety/security in a relationship before, never with anyone before, and it's strange to me. I like it, it's a good thing, but it's strange, and I'm trying to work my mind out of using worry as a "positive function."
But would you say that this is normal? It simply seems odd that such overwhelming feelings of security/contentedness could be a result of such a roller coaster of events.
For a bit of history, I am someone who has significant abandonment issues and issues with separation anxiety as well. This anxiety frequently surfaces in friendships and in relationships, and my current relationship was no exception. However, since everything has settled down, I actually feel... secure? I feel as though there's been a shift in our relationship, or even that it's still shifting, in a very positive way, and I'm not sure I can quite put my finger on how yet. A couple of my friends have said it's normal, that we survived something huge, something that tests marriages, something that's extremely difficult in general let alone given the distance and the additional circumstances we faced, but it's strange to me. Because I'm not used to not worrying. I have almost been grasping at things to worry about (for which I've been slapping my wrist, I assure you) because these feelings of security and contentedness are so bizarre and foreign to me. When discussing this with my partner earlier, even he said he has no insecurities about our relationship at all.
And I'm not saying our relationship was not this way before - our relationship, even given the turbulence we hit given everything that went on, has always been solid - but there's something different about this time. It's almost as though before, I would tell you that one thing I love so much about my partner is "he makes me feel safe and secure." I would love his confidence in our relationship. But now, it's almost as though I don't feel the need for those things? I love reassurance as much as the next girl, and I sometimes get nervous without it, but overall I would say that I no longer need him to make me feel safe and secure because I have that faith and confidence in our relationship in general. I feel, in a way, that our relationship somewhat matured through this experience. Of course we are both still young and have a lot to learn, I'm not saying we aren't, but it's strange realising that we not only made it through something so completely jarring but we made it through and it ended up further solidifying our foundation. I have never felt this level of safety/security in a relationship before, never with anyone before, and it's strange to me. I like it, it's a good thing, but it's strange, and I'm trying to work my mind out of using worry as a "positive function."
But would you say that this is normal? It simply seems odd that such overwhelming feelings of security/contentedness could be a result of such a roller coaster of events.
I was feeling like it might be related to that. It's simply a strange and bizarre feeling. I don't think I have ever felt so safe and confident with someone/in something.
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