Pre-Visit Jitters x 9001

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Sorry if this'd be best left to a blog, but I just need to get my thoughts out somehow. I'm expecting this to be really incoherent and just me spewing what's on my mind, so I'm sorry if this makes no sense. I'm visiting my SO tomorrow! I should be happy, right? Jumping for joy? Doing cartwheels? But, no I'm not actually. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I'm more scared than anything. I know I shouldn't be scared to see him again, but the past week has been awful. My SO and I had a miscommunication on Sunday night, but we resolved everything. He's overwhelmed by schoolwork and various things for his floor that he HAS to do to stay a member. I understand that he is overwhelmed and that he needs to get all of this done. I told him it's alright if we talk a little less because of it...but I basically shot myself in the foot by saying that. I haven't heard from him since Tuesday night, and I texted him before bed for a minute. I don't know why, but whenever we don't get to talk/text, I get very insecure and I assume I did something wrong. I feel like he's ignoring me, though I doubt that's it at all. I'm just really feeling down because I haven't heard from him that much and I'm visiting tomorrow! On Tuesday night though, he did tell me he can't wait for me to be there, so that's a plus. He hasn't really been on G+ or Facebook either the past few days. I understand he's busy, but I don't think he could be spending every waking moment doing schoolwork, and it only takes a few minutes to have a quick little text conversation with someone so it's not like he couldn't have texted me either. I'm just a little bit bummed by the lack of communication, especially before the visit. I guess I'm so damn insecure about myself. Aside from the usual pre-visit jitters I get, I feel doubly nervous. Normally, I have the fear "will he feel the same way about me when he sees me again?", but now I can't even explain this fear. I don't know if he has a ride to get me from the airport yet either! I texted him this morning and I should've just bit my tongue. I was going to let him text me first. I decided to write "Good morning. I told myself I wouldn't text you first, but I wanted to." Why the hell did I do it? I got no response. I should've just gotten to the point and asked him if he had a ride to the airport tomorrow. Now, I can't text him, because I'd feel like I'm being annoying if I send another message to him, seeing as he didn't reply to that one. *sigh* I am so nervous. I mean, I am thrilled to see him, but at the same time, the past week has made me more nervous than I should be. This is how it always goes for me...I generally feel like there's something wrong between both of us, like our relationship is strained right before a visit, but once we finally see each other IRL, I am reassured that we are fine and I question to myself why I ever felt so insecure in the first place. Sorry for the rant.

[Haley53]

It might be time to write down the reasons why you're reminded/reassured when you meet. It's normal to have worries before a visit - I'm sure we all have that flip-floppy feeling of nerves and excitement - but from reading your posts and blogs, it sounds as if your worries and anxieties span a little beyond normal. :P I feel like one thing you need to work on, that anyone with these types of anxieties needs to work on (and I have in the past), is impulse control, working on not sending that text when you said you wouldn't, on giving them space when you said you would, on taking a moment to breathe and ask a calm question about what something meant if you misinterpret the meaning, etc. Really working on calming and meditative techniques to keep you from flipping out and acting irrationally over something might be beneficial, though they can be difficult to master and different for everyone. For me, "calming" actually starts with getting worked up. :P Things like kickboxing and beating up on a punching bag really help me feel a lot better about a situation and soothe my initial reaction, therefore allowing me to approach something/someone more calmly. Some people prefer to step back, take a few deep breaths, and then approach the situation. When it comes to something like this, I would suggest writing down all the list of reasons why when you visit, you feel reassured that he loves you. Put things you can only have in person on a list of things to look forward to, and read over the small little things. For example, when your worries start acting up, take a deep breath, say "He only just told me he couldn't wait to see me! It's going to be wonderful, it always is," and move on to something that can help keep your mind off it. You need to work on finding distractions and calming techniques or else you're going to continue fostering this vicious cycle, and it's difficult at first. :/ I'm well aware of how difficult it is, but with effort and determination, it can and does pay off.

[Malaga]

I understand how you feel and I often find myself in that situation as well. My boyfriend, when he's buried in work, he can hardly focus on anything else. He will reply to my text but he won't send one first, and his replies will generally be short and distracted. Recently it coincided that he gets busy just before I come to visit, so it feels like a disappointment when my excitement builds up but he doesn't even register it.
And then I come to see him and realise he's planned a surprise for me or has a present, however big or small, but he's put effort at the time when I thought he couldn't care less.

If you know you'll feel bothered about talking less, then don't tell him it's OK to do so. 'Less' is a rather abstract concept, maybe you meant 10 texts a day instead of 20, and he meant 3 days a week instead of 7. I do that too, I tell him it's OK to do something I am uneasy with but understand he has to. But then I hope he'll read my mind and know how much I think is enough, and I also hope that he'll feel the need to talk to me. But when he's busy, he doesn't feel the need to talk to me. Most he can focus on is work. Even when he has a bit of downtime between two busy sessions, literally all he's capable of is staring at TV. And a conversation with me is always emotionally engaging for him, no matter how casual we are, so he has to be in the right frame of mind.

Instead, try to make it more specific. Like, "I know you'll be very busy next few days and I'm OK with not talking as much. But I would appreciate if you could text me at the end of the day just to let me know how you are." This way you can prepare yourself because you'll know when you can expect to hear from him, and he'll know how much he needs to do to keep you happy. Both of you can relax and focus on sth else as you'll know what you can count on.

The text you sent this morning sounds a bit passive aggressive. Maybe he thought he'd have to explain himself if he got engaged in the conversation so he just skipped it. Definitely not nice of him but it's a common reaction. Don't worry about it. Fix it by giving him space now. Not long until you see him anyway.

And don't worry about the ride, leave it to him to take care of it. If you ask about it, you're just putting pressure on him to take care of this one extra thing earlier than what he planned to. Can you do anything about it anyway?

Just remember, you are going to see him tomorrow :-)

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Thanks for the replies. I am dealing with a lot, and I mean A LOT these past few months. I've developed either depression or an anxiety disorder and have been struggling for 6 months now. I am in therapy, but it's not enough. I'm working to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist now, but we've been playing phone tag. I really think a lot of this is my own issues, stemming from whatever I'm dealing with and I tend to take a lot of it out on him sometimes. I always apologize to Anthony if I take it out on him. I heard from him around noon or so today and we just chatted quickly and he's thrilled that I'll be there tomorrow! I am now more excited to go and have relaxed a little bit. Now I have my basic travel fears in my head, because I hate planes. But, I'll be fine once I'm in the air. I may address the communication when I'm there, I may not. I have to see how everything is going. I may not want to ruin a good time by being "naggy" or bringing up something like this. It is something I am definitely trying to work on and he knows all of my struggles, so he knows I have a lot that's on my plate. Exactly 24 hours until I'm on the plane! So, I'm going to try and see it from the positive side now. Thanks again. =]

[smith8482]

So my 1st visit was a couple of weeks ago and I was terrified! But when I seen him, it all feel into place
I spent a few days at his house and it felt like we had been together forever. I did get nervous because
everything felt so right and we talked about it and I felt better. It was a great trip and I was so sad to leave.
Good luck and it if it is meant to be....it will work out.