Bad to plan far ahead?

[sarahrosestevey]

My SO and I have been together about three months - not very long, I'm aware. We met CD and just the beginning of January I had to move to a different city to find work, things are going good, and we are happy. My SO always says things to me such as "Well, next New Years when we are living together", things like that, and I always have to catch myself from getting to wrapped up in these future plans.

I think my past relationships have gone sour because we planned so far ahead, that when things went wrong, it made it so much harder. Things are so different with my current SO, and we often talk about things a year or two years in advance.

Just curious if you guys thought planning this far ahead was a bad thing? Or just a normal thing that happens in LDRs?

[mllebamako]

I think some planning ahead and daydreaming can be fun and bring a couple closer together. But there is a limit that you can pass where planning ahead can add too much pressure to the relationship.

[lademoiselle]

I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with planning ahead in itself, but I think it's important to keep in mind that your plans aren't definitive. Circumstances can change; while you can't foresee them, if you remember that it can indeed happen, chances are you'll cope a bit better if something you hadn't planned for occurs. My SO and I often chat about the life we want to have built together five, even ten years down the line! But we both make sure to acknowledge the fact that what we want may not come to pass after all. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst is our philosophy

[rubydissolution]

Daydreaming at the start of the relationship is normal. I can remember marriage, families...etc. all being talked about in that first 3-6 month honeymoon phase with my SO. Just be careful and don't rush into anything.

[Malaga]

Just keep in mind there's a difference between planning and daydreaming. My bf and I often daydream about travelling the world together but we know those dreams aren't something we can hold on to, and we don't take them seriously really. They might come true when and if the circumstances allow it, but right now it's not something we count on.

When you're in a new relationship and you're still gushing about each other, you naturally daydream about the future together. As time goes by and shit gets real, as they say, you realise that no matter how much you want it, you can't build your plans if you don't have a solid base and the right set of circumstances.

[Haley53]

I agree with others, that there's a difference between full-on planning and what's more daydreaming. For example, I say things like "when I'm there on my working holiday..." to my SO, but in reality, I won't be starting that application process for another year. It's not that I don't plan on it happening, but at this point, it's more of a loose plan and a daydream than it is an actual solid plan, simply because nothing's been mapped out and applied for yet. I feel like it's somewhat normal in LDRs because those moments of being together are what help keep the relationship going; it's harder to keep a relationship going with someone you have absolutely no plans or dreams at all with. On top of that, there's the fact that I think everyone in their honeymoon stage tends to swoon and talk about marriage and engagement and living together etc., so there's that too.

I would say that this is normal. Now if he were already investing in apartments and looking at future properties and so on and so forth, then I might be a little bit worried he was pushing too hard/moving too fast for only three months of being together.

[Ivy]

sarahrosestevey , It's normal. It's actually pretty comforting when your SO is not right next to you. Makes a little more special connection with him. We do it, and we feel amused and better by all the things we say. Sometimes it may be with tone of a joke, sometimes is quite serious. But we do it and it's pretty nice after a conversation like that, at least I just feel better about us. It's good because even by a light conversation about it you can still see whether the other person takes you seriously. It's weird, but at least I get to understand it.

[lucybelle]

Just keep in mind there's a difference between planning and daydreaming. My bf and I often daydream about travelling the world together but we know those dreams aren't something we can hold on to, and we don't take them seriously really. They might come true when and if the circumstances allow it, but right now it's not something we count on.

When you're in a new relationship and you're still gushing about each other, you naturally daydream about the future together. As time goes by and shit gets real, as they say, you realise that no matter how much you want it, you can't build your plans if you don't have a solid base and the right set of circumstances.

Exactly what I was going to say.

[kteire]

My SO and I talked about moving in together when we hadn't been dating much longer than that, and we've considered it more a goal than a plan... if that makes sense haha. Like it's not set in stone but we're both working hard to do what we can to make it work, and are aware that we might have to push it back if needed. I think that with LD it helps to have a goal like that in mind, because that's what's waiting for you when you finally close the distance. So if it helps, and you feel like you can honestly see yourself living with your SO by then, go for it I'd just recommend that you both be perfectly honest about it, so that if one of you has any hesitation, it's heard, and you don't jump into it before you're both ready! My SO and I had originally intended to move in together in October, but decided that we needed a bit of adjustment time just seeing each other more often instead of going from 3-4 times a year to every day...

So yes, I think it's ok to make goals to work toward, and have fun with it!!

[Engel]

I think some planning ahead and daydreaming can be fun and bring a couple closer together. But there is a limit that you can pass where planning ahead can add too much pressure to the relationship.

true.
I think its normal, you are in the honeymoon of the relationship, enjoy it! but beware of mentioning too much things that you may want for your future, like marrying or having kids together

[LilyChiba]

I'm a big thinker. I tend to relate myself to a chess player with how much I think and it drives me nuts to both think and not think. I need to plan ahead personally so that things don't overwhelm me. It's my way of coping with the distance, by making sure everything goes according to plan as best as it can and trying to see if there will be any complications. At the same time, it's nice to talk about the fun stuff too. We always talk about moving out of his state when I get there, settling down and having kids. All that fun stuff.

[kat4301]

I've found easier times with planning smaller things; like what kind of dishes we want to get when we move back into together. My SO has been a bit more of the big stuff planner and I try to remind him that we can schedule things but anything could happen between now and then. But I certainly think looking ahead to the future has helped me get through this LDR, its a motivation for everything I do, so I say plan away if it helps but you are also able to be flexible.

[Zandria]

I think that is the only thing that keeps me sane, haha! My relationship with my bf is fairly new, but it definitely helps when we talk about plans in the future. I am more hesitant to talk about it, since I don't want to get my hopes up, but I do indulge myself when he talks about my 21st birthday in August, and how he's going to be there with me if I haven't gotten rid of him yet (which I won't, I told him I'm never letting him go! [. So, it's normal, let yourself dream and fantasize, it'll do more good than harm in the end. Plus, it gives you something to look forward, which is always nice!

I hope that helped!

Zandria <3