Watching other LDRs meet while I can't...

[Engel]

I just wanted to step in and say that this forum is here for support, not to compare your relationship to others' relationships.

It's already easy enough to feel jealous of couples who are non-distance in your day-to-day life.

You'll have your day in the sun, just like most of us have had visiting our SO's, and there will be others who will be in your exact situation now: wishing they could be you.

There are many people here in your shoes.... those who have long periods of time where they don't get to see their SO's and those who haven't even met yet. Please don't feel alone, because you're not. In reality, most couples on this forum do not see each other every month. It definitely is not something that is financially possible for many here who are in international long distance relationships.



Yes. Look at it this way. When you read about someone sharing a visit or first time meeting, don't compare what they have to what you have. Think of it as a goal of what you want in your relationship. Making trips to your SO takes effort, lots of planning, and usually lots of money. Everyone here has obstacles: no one here would be in a long distance relationship if they didn't.

Use those posts to fuel your passion in making a visit in the future possible. Those posts already make you want this more. Use that.

But definitely do not make those people who do get to visit feel bad that they have something you don't. Lots of them work hard to be able to make those visits. They work extra hours so they can take time off and have the money to save up for these trips. Thereby sacrificing time and fun they could otherwise be having with their friends and family. We've seen some people overcome there fears of flying. Some who have children that sometimes prevent them from visiting when they want. Some have no money. Some have no job. Parents who won't allow them to see their SO. The list goes on and on.

Why not post about what obstacles you have to overcome to make a visit/meeting possible? You'll find many who are in the same boat, and others who have overcome those and will be able to provide support.

I was in a long distance relationship for over 5 years. If I was ever sad, I looked at everything I had, not what I didn't have. I had a guy that was worth it and was there with me all the way. I had found the love of my life. Even when we were apart and we'd have to wait months before we could see each other, I felt lucky that he was in my life.

It is hard, but vital to remember what you have... not what you don't have. If you focus on what you don't have, it will hurt your relationship and be harder to cope with the distance.

I agree with all Michelle has said.


Every relationship is different, some people live closer, and can visit more often, and still isnt enough, because really, how can we have enough of the person we love?
I closed the distance and last week married my SO, but he works two jobs, so we dont get as much time together either, even in the same house. I love to hear people that I know are happy congratulating me for accomplishing this, because those are the people that saw me sad while LD, or that watched me count the days to come back to my SO, and that are still supporting me while I take the final steps to get my permission and be able to stay.
But I dont really like to hear people envy me or are jealous. This is my SO, this is MY relationship, people have their own, so why should they be envious or jealous of what I have, what I fought so hard to have? it isnt a good feeling to know someone is envious. World isnt fair, there will always be people who have more than you do, in one way or another, but there will also always be someone who has less than you do.

As I gathered from your post, you dont see each other all the time, but you do see each other. My SO and I lived so far apart, and have had to go 6 months without seeing each other once, 5 months without seeing each other another time, and 4 times we had to go 1 month and a half without seeing. It wasnt easy! But we made it. You can make it too. so instead of being envious of who has many visits or closed the distance, focus on your relationship, count the days for your visits and try to be happy for everyone else that is getting to see their SOs, because they too counted the days, minutes and seconds for that. and have the right to enjoy it and share it here without feeling guilty

[Deleted]

I agree with all Michelle has said.


Every relationship is different, some people live closer, and can visit more often, and still isnt enough, because really, how can we have enough of the person we love?
I closed the distance and last week married my SO, but he works two jobs, so we dont get as much time together either, even in the same house. I love to hear people that I know are happy congratulating me for accomplishing this, because those are the people that saw me sad while LD, or that watched me count the days to come back to my SO, and that are still supporting me while I take the final steps to get my permission and be able to stay.
But I dont really like to hear people envy me or are jealous. This is my SO, this is MY relationship, people have their own, so why should they be envious or jealous of what I have, what I fought so hard to have? it isnt a good feeling to know someone is envious. World isnt fair, there will always be people who have more than you do, in one way or another, but there will also always be someone who has less than you do.

As I gathered from your post, you dont see each other all the time, but you do see each other. My SO and I lived so far apart, and have had to go 6 months without seeing each other once, 5 months without seeing each other another time, and 4 times we had to go 1 month and a half without seeing. It wasnt easy! But we made it. You can make it too. so instead of being envious of who has many visits or closed the distance, focus on your relationship, count the days for your visits and try to be happy for everyone else that is getting to see their SOs, because they too counted the days, minutes and seconds for that. and have the right to enjoy it and share it here without feeling guilty

Sorry if it sounded a lot like being too envious. I would not call it envy though, at least in my definition of envy. What I uderstand with that word is wishing the other did not have what they have, and be crazy about wishing to be in their place. I would never want for my friends with LDRs to have a harder situation, and I am sorry if I made others feel guilty with my post. I do feel really happy to hear stories like yours, of relationships that ended up closing distance, because it does give me a lot of hope. I'd like to get there someday and I often find myself looking for people telling me their relation worked, because out there at school and etc. all people tell me are negative comments.

What makes me anxious is the fact that seeing that some relations are lucky to meet each other makes me wonder if my relation is going the right way. But as seen for what people have been posting in this thread, it IS, no matter what I'm told. I can blame a school mate in particular for feeling this way, I should've mentionned this before... I was really happy when suddenly he appeared and began telling me that it is wrong not to get frequent visits. I denied it plenty of times but after weeks of hearing that I guess he worked it into my mind. He even directly told me to break up. But I think I was really stupid to even listen to what he said because I know that he likes me, so what he wants is in fact to make me break up by making me feel I'm doing this wrong.

You are right, we don't get to see each other much. It's every 6 or 8 months. He has to help his mother out at job and he gets nothing from it because they are out of money at the moment, and I know that this plus school makes it really hard for him to get a job. So I realized I could be the one working too. I've worked so I can visit him, I was told by my parents I would be able to go if I did. I made book illustrations, portraits and site banners, and I've earned enough to go visit him not one but THREE times, but now it turns out I am not allowed to. I guess my parents never thought I would actually get the money.

...sorry for the rant. I just want to carify, as I should have before, that I don't want others feeling guilty and that there are other factors that got me feeling that way.

It's kind of hard not to have my doubts once in a while with people telling me I'm doing it all wrong. Michelle's post it particular felt like a slap on my face, the kind of "wake up" kind of slap I needed and I am feeling pretty happy about my relationship again.

I should edit my first post so that people get to know this. I was unsure of how many details I should've given, but I guess they ARE needed so that people do not think I'm a crazy envious girl.

Thank you for your advice!