Boyfriend is sick of talking online, wants to break up

[Haru]

Please pardon any typosx I'm crying as I writr this and naturally its hard tonsee the keyboard. I will edit for clarity later but if anyone can decipher this for the momrnt that would be great...

Bssically, a fridnd of ours has said thst shebwill send us money sobthst we can be togrthrr;but she is taking hrr time. Boyfridndn isbgetting depressed (me too of course) because we are not togethefx and I can't blame him.
Recently my fathrr bought a business, and he wants me tonwork in itbwith him. This means decreased time with thr boyfriend, espefially since he is nine hours ahead of me, and he needs to find a job to hrlp his father, who was just laidnoff.
When I came home from my tripnand toldbhim this, he told me he may want to break up becsuee "we won't get thr money snd will have no time together." I toldnhim we would, although not aa much as before, but hestill refused to accept it.
Todsy things seemed to be fine, but I was srong.. he accused me knot caring aboutbour relationship above other things, and that hurt so effing bsd...

Please help ke LFAD. I love him and I can't be sithout him. and if incould be, I wouldntnwant to be. life without my artemka is awful. I can't even stand when we don't talk for a couple dahs. whst can I do to chsnge his mind?

--- Translation for those who don't speak "crying while typing on Android."

Basically, a friend of ours has said that she will send us money so that we can be together; but she is taking her time. Boyfriend is getting depressed (me too of course) because we are not together, and I can't blame him.
Recently my father bought a business, and he wants me to work in it with him. This means decreased time with the boyfriend, especially since he is nine hours ahead of me, and he needs to find a job to help his father, who was just laid off.
When I came hom from my trip and told him this, he told me he may want to break up because "we won't get the money and will have no time together." I told him we would, although not as much as before, but he still refused to accept it.
Today things seemed to be fine, but I was wrong...he accused me of not caring about our relationship above other things, and that hurt so effing bad...

Please help me LFAD. I love him and I can't be without him. And if I could, I wouldn't want to be. Life without my Artemka is awful. I can't even stand why we don't talk for a couple days. What can I do to change his mind?

[efish1042]

You tell him to think about it and make sure it's what he really wants to do. If it is, then you have to move on. It wasn't meant to be. If he's not willing to work through the problems now, he won't be able to work through them later because the issues will never stop coming. They are part of life.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. If he can't handle the time apart and money issues, then he's not ready for a relationship as serious as you seem to want it to be. Maybe he needs to take a break and do some soul searching... if that's the case, he may realize he was being stupid and come back to you, at which point you would have to decide if you're willing to risk the heartbreak again.
My SO tried to break it off with me for a stupid reason and I told him to make sure it was what he really wanted because if he changed his mind later, I wouldn't be able to handle it. He decided to work through it. It's not the case with everyone. If it isn't the case with him, then you have to move on and find someone that is worth your effort and will meet you halfway.
Good luck, sweetheart.

[Tanja]

It's never a good idea to make a serious decision when you're upset and not thinking clearly. You both need to sleep on this and talk when the storm has blown off.

How long have you been together? If it's only been a few months and your bf is ready to call it quits then maybe he's just not cut out to be in a LDR. If it's been years and you still can't be together, well.. then you need to either figure out a plan and stick to it to get to your goal or go your separate ways and find happiness elsewhere.

Whatever the situation is, neither of you should make hasty decisions that you might regret later. Being in a LDR is hard work and there will be some desperate times but it doesn't mean you have to give up or you can't make it through them.

If there's a will, there's a way. I know for a fact that this is true so if you love him and wanna fight then fight to get what you want.

[Haru]

Hello, I'm a little calmer so my posts will be more understandable. Thank you for caring enough tonreply. Speaking of replies, but is the add reply button on the mobile ver broke?

Anyhoo. After he left, he came back with an ultimatum; either tell my dad I won't work with him, or we are through.He unfortunately doesn't seem to understsnd thr concept, that if I get a job I can get mondy for us to bd together...
I am hoping he will calm doen in a few days, but I don't know. I don't PARTICULARY care to work with my fathdr, t at the same time if our benefactor doesnt give us the money...
Damn I need a bath to destress.x.x

[efish1042]

You'll just have to talk it over with him. Make sure both of you understand everything. You should be able to come to a compromise. If he isn't willing to compromise, then... oh well. Compromises make up relationships.

[Tanja]

Hello, I'm a little calmer so my posts will be more understandable. Thank you for caring enough tonreply. Speaking of replies, but is the add reply button on the mobile ver broke?

Anyhoo. After he left, he came back with an ultimatum; either tell my dad I won't work with him, or we are through.He unfortunately doesn't seem to understsnd thr concept, that if I get a job I can get mondy for us to bd together...
I am hoping he will calm doen in a few days, but I don't know. I don't PARTICULARY care to work with my fathdr, t at the same time if our benefactor doesnt give us the money...
Damn I need a bath to destress.x.x

You didn't answer my question; how long have you been together? I think that makes all the difference in your situation.

Unfortunately sometimes people give ultimatums rather than try to compromise. Like efish said, if he's not willing to compromise then there's not much you can do. Putting that kind of pressure on you isn't fair in my opinion so you need to think if you're ready to give in to his demands or want him to work with you to save your relationship.

[Haley53]

You didn't answer my question; how long have you been together? I think that makes all the difference in your situation.

Unfortunately sometimes people give ultimatums rather than try to compromise. Like efish said, if he's not willing to compromise then there's not much you can do. Putting that kind of pressure on you isn't fair in my opinion so you need to think if you're ready to give in to his demands or want him to work with you to save your relationship.

Says in her signature they've been together for a little over a year.

I agree with what the others have said. He should not be putting this pressure on you, especially when it involves only compromise and sacrifice on your end. You say he'll have to go to work, yes? So why isn't he sacrificing that? Even if his reasons are to help his father, he, in my opinion, has no more right to go to work than you do, and if his money is going to be helping his family/father, then the money that you earn could likely be put towards seeing each other and spending time together. So in essence, he's complaining about not having the money, yet you working for your father would mean you both have that money, yet he's complaining about that too. And he really needs to knock it off in my opinion, especially with the ultimatums. Personally I think if after a year he's still giving you ultimatums and manipulating you into doing what he wants... Eh, I think you need to talk to him and see if you can help him see this more realistically. It would be one thing if his ultimatum had ground to stand on, but it doesn't.

[Soyokaze]

Ultimatums aren't fair at all, really. In my opinion you can try to talk to him about how you feel and come to a compromise but if he's not willing there won't be much you can really do about it. I agree with what everyone else said, for the most part. It's not like you've chosen to move further away or something, you're making money and you're going to need money to ever be together entirely. But if you can't get him to compromise it might just be better to end it, as much as I know it has to work. Good luck.

[Haru]

Yeah, the reason why I didn't say how long was because I have the Daisypath chart in my signature. Sorry! But yeah, just for the record, its been a year and almost one month.

I will give him a couple days to simmer down and then see what happens (seeing about compromise that is) After a while he apologized for hurting me, but the pain is still here. Atleast he apologized, and I'm thankful for that at least.
Thank you for your help. It will hurt so bad if we do have to call it quits, but at the same time...sigh.

[Haru]

Hello all, thank you again for your support.
A few minutes ago my Artemka went to bed after we talked and uh..."made up," teehee.
He had some simmer down time because he slept some, and then I wasn't at home (I needed some simmer down time as well and I got that in the form of shopping and being with a friend of mine for a little). After a while, when things seemed to be okay I just asked him very plainly, "do you still want to break up?" He replied no, and said nothing about the ultimatum he gave me. Then I dove a little deeper asking "so we will be together forever?" and his reply was "yes." Again, nothing about the ultimatum. I'm almost afraid to ask about it for fear he will remember again, but for the moment things seem to be clear. I just pray that his words aren't empty.

[chef.rae]

Happy that it seems like things are kind of worked out. Hopefully he is not holding you to the ultimatium. Things will get better overtime. Hang in there.

[Haru]

Thank you, Chef.Rae. I think for the moment things have calmed down, but I've got three weeks before I move to Cleveland (Georgia, not Ohio lol)...going to be the worst three weeks of my life as I wait to see what happens, for sure. >-< Thankfully, I THINK dad is talking about maybe getting internet at the shop as well as at home, depending on how much Windstream will charge for business rates; so that may help as well.