"Actual Time Together"

[DollOnAMusicBox]

Its interesting to see everyone's opinions on this. My SO does plan to get his own place when he comes out here, because he doesn't want to put me in a situation of having an apartment on my hands if he, for whatever reason, had to return to the UK. He wants to know he can stand on his own before bringing me in. But it has nothing to do with our "time together." (The part he agreed on was that I'm too fast for wanting to sleep with him after "only 4 weeks" together. That kind of hurt.)

Our relationship has a long way to go before we start making solid future plans, but what bothers me more than anything is everyone else butting in and telling me I'm a "fast" girl for WANTING those things after "only" 4 weeks together. Because we haven't been together for 4 weeks. We've been together for 2 and a half years....I don't want to spend years in this cycle, and not decide to hold off advancing our relationship until I'm in my 30s because it hasn't been the "right" ammount of time for us in person, before making that decision. We're a couple who can't swing more than 2 weeks a year. We'd have to wait forever for someone to close the distance...

Overall I just don't think the two should be separated like that, but I can understand everyone's different opinions.

[Dziubka]

Just to put things in perspective:
I know I might not be a good measure to go by, but I find waiting four weeks to wait until you have sex with someone extremely long
People are going to have different opinions on that.
Some people think getting engaged after 2 months and married after a year is perfect and some people think getting married after 5 years is too early. It shouldn't influence your realtionship. Do whatever feels right for you

[Sierra]

Hell, I had my one friend give me crap for sleeping with my boyfriend when we first met in person. Don't let it get to you.

I do think that actual physical time spent together does matter in some aspects of a relationship such as closing the distance. My boyfriend and I will have been together for over a year when we do finally close the distance but because of our schedules, even with seeing each other as often as we do, we've probably spent, idk, less than a month physically together.

To compensate for this, when I move there, I will be living in my own apartment for 3 months and then my boyfriend will move in when his lease expires. To me it's very important to have this time to adjust, where we both have me space, and we can see how we are in person, all the time.

People do tell me when I say that I'm moving there "Well you guys haven't had much time together" and I know they are right, but it's not really a situation that is in our control. We would love to be able to spend more than 3 days together, but we are both working adults and I only work part time and have to pay the rent. People have been surprisingly supportive though once they find out that we're not just going to move in right away because of this.

[Bethypoo]

I agree with your side. I have been with my SO for two years, not all of that time was together physically but it didn't stop us from being in a close relationship. What are you supposed to do, stop being bf/gf till you can touch the person? That defintely must be frustrating, have you tried explaining that even if you are not close you are still continuing the relationship as if you were?

Exactly. I mean I guess I can get where they are coming from. But they are not in the relationship. So it isn't up to them to decide if you are moving to fast or if your relationship is real enough for them.

[Tooki]

My girl and I have spoken about this a bit. We treat being together/apart as the same. We are lucky in that we get to spend a lot of time together in person because we both study and live in opposite hemispheres (giving one of us 3 months off every 6 months)

[AEAS]

Why would that even make a difference? It's not like the other person just completely drops off the face of the planet! I've been with my SO for 2 years, but in "actual time" It would only be about a month.

[Tabbylee]

I have seen that a lot and I think it is absolutely ridiculous. Whether physically together or not I am with a man that I talk to and share my life with everyday. I have had people to go as far as to say that If I were to do something with another man it wouldn't be cheating because my SO is so far away and that he'd understand. Really? People just don't understand LDRs if they've never been in one. They take so much communication, trust and commitment to work. In a LDR you have the time to truly get to know someone and fall in love with their heart and soul rather than fall into lust. You gain a companion and a best friend first, then a lover. I think that part is great and makes the relationship so real. When we finally get to close the distance we plan on living together. Our goal is good night kisses before falling asleep together every night and waking up together every morning. We can't wait until we can come home to the other after work, have dinner together, snuggle up on the couch, and just be a family

I'm sure that there are so many people (outside of this group) that would think that I was crazy if I told them that lol. Dave and I have been friends for about 3 1/2 years, together for about 9 1/2 months and have spent about 2 weeks physically together. Living together will take some getting used to but that's normal in any relationship. All I know is that while I'm sure things we do will get on each other's nerves we are best friends and we LOVE each other and we will figure it out. Honestly I wouldn't be opposed to anything right now, an engagement, the little one we both want... I'm not working on that one yet but if it happened I wouldn't complain I guess it does sound crazy but in my case I know that this is the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

As far as sex goes if the two of you love each other and that's what you want then by all means... You have both already invested almost 2 1/2 years in your relationship, not 4 weeks. Hmm I think that's a good way to look at it, a relationship is as long as the time you have invested in it. A lot of people don't even wait 4 weeks, much less over 2 years. I thought the 4 months I had to wait to see him was long enough haha. It is frustrating when people don't give your relationship the respect it deserves but eventually they will see. In the meantime it's YOUR RELATIONSHIP, do what makes you happy.

[kittyo9]

Kinda late here, but I thought I'd share. I see my relationship as having two parts: emotional and physical. On the one hand, we have been together long enough (as in, together as a couple) that our emotional bond is well developed, to where we are comfortable with one another at the deepest levels. However, our physical bond is NOT well developed at all because we have not spent any physical time togwther. One must note, however, that the development of the physical bond relies partially on the emotional bond, so that the partners are comfortable with different levels of intimacy. Therefore when an LDR couple is able to spend physical time together, the process of moving through intimacy levels in the physical bond is expedited because the emotional bonds necessary for it to grow already exist.

[meganpillow]

I agree with you. I think that a lot of people don't understand long distance relationships because they haven't had one. It takes a lot more emotional strength and balance within a relationship to be in one.
And if in your heart, you KNOW that moving together is a safe stepping stone within your relationship, then I say go for it. Life's too short to hesitate, sometimes when things just feel right in your heart and mind, you just take a plunge and go for it! I am moving in with my SO in May 2013.