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    Hello, new here and seeking some advice ?

    I hope this is the right area. If it's not, I am sorry. I just signed up by the referral of a friend.

    Anyways, here is my dilemma.

    I met this girl online through a mutual personal friend we both shared like three years ago. We hit it off great and a few months later we started dating. It was great and I found myself falling in love with her. We said we loved each other Easter day all that time ago and it was just brilliant. I was getting ready to move to NY so I could attend Juilliard for my music and she was going to come with me. I found us a nice cheap studio apartment in Manhattan, I found us jobs that were close by, we were all ready, and despite us not yet meeting, we weren't worried at all. It was seriously perfect haha.

    And then, I found out she had cheated on me three times...
    I forgave her and I worked through it. I thought, perhaps it is my fault because we have yet to meet?
    and then she cheated on me again and that's when I gave up.

    She started dating the guy she cheated on me on and that was it, they broke up a few weeks after.

    Now, here we are about two years in the future. I'm living in NY, doing music and art and attending school, planning to move to California soon for a job offer doing comic books and designing action figures. (not that that's really important haha)

    we have started talking again and over the course of the last few months, I'm realizing I haven't gotten over her. I haven't been with anyone since her haha. She confesses to still having feelings for me and I still have them for her.

    The problem is, although a lot of time has passed and we could be better this time, I'm scared. I think I would like to give this another try, I still have feelings for a reason, yes? I'm just... I don't know what I would do if things went wrong between us again. Like, I'm having a hard time grasping trusting her...
    I wouldn't be one of those guys who are all where are you? what are you doing? who are you with, etc. but in the back of my mind, I just cannot get over the fact that she cheated on me.

    If that makes sense?

    So, I come seeking advice on this situation. Any given is greatly appreciated, also, anyone who looks at this is greatly appreciated. Thank you all for your time.

    We have both just recently (last week-ish) turned 21.

    #2
    If you do try this again, I would tread carefully. She didn't seem to care at all about your feelings the first time around, I would have a very hard time ever trusting her again. Once fine, twice, that is pushing it, but after the third time I would have booted her to the door for good. Just cause you still have feelings for her doesn't mean that cosmos say you are destined to be with her.

    oh, and welcome

    Comment


      #3
      Trust is a big big big big BIG part of being in a LDR, once she broke that trust and cheated i wouldnt give her another chance.
      like that saying 'once a cheater always a cheater' id never go back to my bf if he cheated on me, id be totally devasted bcus i love him so deeply, i trust him enough that he wont cheat on me. I say as the comment before be very very careful around it now. u could move to cali and end up meeting ur soul mate out there, dont put ur life on hold for this one girl.

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        #4
        Dude, she fucked another guy and then left you for him. I'm sorry, but this just isn't going anywhere pleasant, no mater how much time has passed between you. After a certain amount of backstabbing, you just gotta cut your losses, run, and never look back. Otherwise, you end up like one of those couples on Maury.

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          #5
          Seriously, you forgave her for cheating (multiple times), and then she did it again. C'mon, what's you common sense telling you here? Unless you're a glutton for punishment, cut your losses and run, no good is gonna come out of this. Get rid of the romantic notions and take a logical look at what's happened, distance isn't a cause for cheating, it's an excuse. Go find a nice girl who won't cheat on you every chance she gets.
          Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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            #6
            Originally posted by Darth_Taco View Post
            Dude, she fucked another guy and then left you for him. I'm sorry, but this just isn't going anywhere pleasant, no mater how much time has passed between you. After a certain amount of backstabbing, you just gotta cut your losses, run, and never look back. Otherwise, you end up like one of those couples on Maury.
            I have to agree with the above statement. It sucks but it is true. Cheating once and staying together is a big fat MAYBE but most likey the end of the relationship. But she did it over and over and over and wait... OVER again. You seem like you are having alot of success in what you are doing. My SO would love to be in your spot designing action figures and such.

            You will find someone else. This girl obviously cant handle an LDR and you need to let it go! Live you life and just enjoy it! She is not worth it and honestly she will probably ruin what seems to be going so well for you right now. Sorry dude. Buy my advice.... DONT DO IT!
            Got together Jan 3, 2011~ Closed the Distance March 23, 2012~ Living Together Since June 19 2012~ Future TBD......

            I miss you more than I ever could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal." ~ Vita Sackville-west

            Comment


              #7
              Hate to break it to you, but once trust is no longer there it will not come back. She cheated on you before, who is to say that she will not do it again? I personally would not go back into a relationship with someone who i know cheated on me and broke the trust, even if it was a LDR.
              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~*** So Much Love to Share ***~~~~~~~~~~~~~

              Comment


                #8
                Thank you all so much. I'm going to do my best to let her go and move on. I think that upon writing it out and reading it to myself, along with you guys' inputs, the urge to get back together with her has diminished. I hate that she destroyed the trust, because up until the cheating, things were great, and perhaps that's the feeling that I'm clinging to. Hmm...
                Thank you all again!

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                  #9
                  Cheating multiple times is something that is very hard to deal with. My boyfriend cheated on me but i forgave him. Its really up to you whether or not you want to take another chance. I took another chance and we are still together. Just because other people say that you shouldnt be with her doesnt mean you should listen. You have to follow your heart and think wisely about it. In the end its up to you.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    No excuses for her.

                    I would stay away from her. She has done it before, what will stop her from doing it again?

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