How did you get started?

[thatgirl]

Sorry if there is a thread like this already, but..

As I said in my intro, I'm NOT in an LDR yet. My SO just left today, we're 681m apart. He just left today, and left me with a promise necklace (I don't like promise rings.) a jacket + one of his favorite shirts just doused in his cologne; with a note that says "This is a promise that even if I'm too stupid and scared to have a distanced relationship with you right now that I promise as long as you want me to, I will call you my wife." (Don't hate on his weird grammar, lol, he usually doesn't do anything like this.)

We aren't in a relationship because of how much the distance scares him. He's afraid he will do something dumb and screw up anything he has with me.

I don't think he's jerking my chain or anything, but, how did you convince your SO to be in a LDR? and also, if you have any ideas of what I could say to help him understand that this is possible.. please share.

[yayagrl]

Well to show him that it's possible I'd just tell him about this site. Let him go through the threads and see that it's possible, difficult, but possible. I didn't have to convince my guy. Our feelings for each other were just really strong so we decided to be together.

[Zapookie]

Honestly, I really don't know. You can't convince anyone to do something they don't want to do. If he has his heart set on not being in a relationship with you, then I guess that's it. The only thing you can do is be loyal to him him and possibly ask the same from him. Again, it's up to him though whether he chooses to do it or not.

[thatgirl]

He's not bent on the no relationship part.. but the LDR part. He is trying to move down to me and I keep telling him until I get out of school + he gets a job (he is trying to work for the NYPD, so he's pretty stuck) that it can't happen that way! I don't even know how to paint the picture correctly! /:

[snow_girl]

I didn't have to do any convincing. It was a situation where we either did it or we didn't. Neither of us were willing to give up the relationship so LDR was our only choice.

[Haley53]

Originally when I admitted to having feelings for my boyfriend, and he admitted to having them for me too, he said that it wasn't going anywhere because of our situation. More than that, it was backed by the fear of his having been burned quite badly in a LDR before. :/ A month later we were already talking exclusivity because the feelings hadn't gone away and he realised that he didn't simply like me, he loved me, even if he'd been scared to admit/accept it. Things went from there. We ultimately decided that we're both adults, both capable of travelling to see one another and making it work, both capable of making it through the hard times for the sake of the good, etc. and we made it official. It's not one of those situations where you convince someone into it; to me it's a situation where you either do it or you don't. To be quite honest, though, I'd be worried about someone who decided they couldn't stay faithful in a distance situation. If I had to be with my boyfriend physically to be able to trust he wouldn't cheat on me... Eh, to me there's more of an issue there than simply the distance. But like others have said, there's either commitment to making it work or there isn't, and it's either from both ends or it isn't. I don't think long-distance is a situation where you can do convincing and begging, because it really is to each their own. :/

[11MikesGirl21]

We started out CD assuming we would stay CD except for the summer. It's now become LD except for summer when we're CD. So the conversation kinda went, "So....we're doing this." "Yup." "k." There was no convincing needed.

But if you want an actual relationship from him, just show him this site and sites like it. He'll see it can be done.

[Katelyn]

But if you want an actual relationship from him, just show him this site and sites like it. He'll see it can be done.

Exactly.

I knew/dated my SO 3 months before I left for college and he stayed to finish off high school. It was weird b/c I wasn't sure where to go with it. I mean we were still getting to know each other and falling in love and I wasn't sure if he wanted to be stuck with me haha. But, I know one night we were just like "So, do you wanna still be with me after you leave" and I was like "yup" and then that's what happened, no convincing necessary. It is just funny because if things happened a few months earlier I would have probably stayed in the same state and went to one of my other top choices but it was too late and I was already committed to somewhere else.

[elizabethjp2010]

I never had to conince my SO, it just happened, we both realized we were happier together than apart.

[silvermune]

Met someone online, and we had strong feelings for each other, distance scared us both having bad experiences but we decided that not everything can be gained without risks. Going strong but still new, haven't been this happy about a relationship in a long time, comparing it to cd and ld.

[sarahrosestevey]

We started dating casually for a few months, then we went our separate ways (he went to his hometown for Summer, I moved across the country for a job). I thought I'd never see/hear from him again, despite the connection we both felt. A few days later, he was calling me saying he realized what he might be giving up, and we agreed to meet halfway and go away for the weekend. After that it was 'official'.

The distance made him realize what we had wasn't something we could ignore. Perhaps your guy may feel the same, perhaps not. Just have to let things take their course.

[carolynred]

My SO and I just had this understanding without talking about the long distance. We began dating the summer before my first semester of college, and we honestly just didn't care that we started something even though two months later we would have to be in an LDR. The thought was more on I wanted to be with him and he wanted to be with me, and we were and are happy so distance was never something to get in the way.

Maybe your SO just needs more time with the idea of an LDR, its not an easy concept after all.

[marbear31]

I understand what you're going through, since mine almost didn't happen. About three weeks before I left my study abroad program, my SO stopped talking to me suddenly. There'd been a bit of tension, but not anything to have me concerned. Long story short, he drove down to break it off before I left, because he didn't want to send me a crappy email while I was in America, saying he didn't think he could follow through. I was hurt, but by that point (after the whirlwind of emotions of that week), I'd pretty much resigned myself to our inevitable end. Out of everything, I wanted him to be happy, and I knew I'd always love him.

He came down, and I we went out that night. I decided I was going to be strong, and not show how much it hurt. We had a great night (although I definitely got a bit too drunk :P). The next morning, he drove me back to my dorm, and as we were sitting outside in the parking lot, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I had those wrenching sobs, the kind where you feel a part of your soul is snot-plastered to your face, and you just ache so badly, it hurts to breathe.

He held me, and said he couldn't go through with it, and that he didn't want to lose me. We're still together. When I finally, finally let my walls down that morning--that was when it changed. I didn't try to change his mind, because I loved him enough to let him go, if that's what it took. But it was only when I was completely open, completely vulnerable, that I reached him. He'd been burnt badly in relationships before, and he'd let those insecurities get the best of him.

It sounds like your guy has insecurities, too. We all do--who doesn't with the risk of any relationship?--because we're simply human. I'd show him, without barriers, the wearing-your-heart-on-your-sleeve sort of thing, how much he means to you. You don't have to cry (:P), but do be 100% true with him. I know it seems best t o be strong, but maybe he just needs that complete selflessness from you to overcome his doubts. It sounds like he loves you very much.

That being said, if he really does need space, then you can love him enough to give it to him, and just take it day by day. You sound like you have a really good head on your shoulders, and it's definitely evident how much your care for your guy. Be vulnerable. Don't be afraid to bare your soul. I wish you the best of luck, and let us know if anything changes! I firmly believe love conquers all, and--I hate this cliche, but there's a reason it is one--what's meant to be is meant to be. If you're supposed to be together, it will happen somehow. I sure hope it does for you.

[goalie_girl34]

My SO and I met over the internet and we were just too in love not to be with each other. We just started considering ourselves a couple when those feelings arose and made it a goal to be with each other.

In your case, if he needs convinceing, it probably wont work out. Both people in an LDR need to really want the relationship to make it work and make it through the struggles.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I think LDRs just happen sometimes. You can't convince someone to be in an LDR with you, that's impossible. You can leave them with the chance to though, so that if they want to, they can try