How did you get started?

[lucybelle]

We started in an open relationship. We cared for each other, but still wanted a physical aspect. After 1.5 years of that, we both realized we only wanted each other. It was sort of a mutual decision.

[Dziubka]

Honestly, if my boyfriend would have said that he was scared he was going to do something dumb before we went LDR... he wouldn't have to be scared that he would screw it up, he would HAVE screwed it up right there and then.

Everyone might do dumb things (for all I know jumping out of my window with an umbrella might seem like a good idea to me tomorrow), but factoring it in like that seems like a really lame excuse to get a wild card to do whatever. 680 miles is not that far (I have about the same distance), you'd be able to visit each other. If he thinks he can't stay faitful before he even tried, it doesn't look like this could work out.
I get it, long distance relationships aren't for everyone. I myself don't know if I could do it if I were to see my boyfriend only twice a year (or less), but instead of owning up to it and saying that he's sorry he can't do it, he's "keeping you warm".

It's up to you to decide whether you want to do this or not.
I know I'm too proud and I value myself too much to ever convince anyone to be in a relationship with me.

[lala]

me and my SO spent three months before I had to leave and go back home over the ocean. Friends asked us if we are a couple but we both didn't know what to say. So when we were alone I asked him. He told me that he was in two bad relationships so that he wants to be really sure when he starts another one. and the fact that I'm leaving is not making it any easier for him. He always told me how much I mean to him and the day I left he wrote me a mail where he wrote that he wants to try to be a boyfriend for me the next time we see eachother..

so on the one hand we want to be together but on the other hand he is afraid to be in a LDR..
I tried many times talk about it and I also asked him if he sees me just as an option.. however I think you have to figure out what you want sacrifice for eachother and always be honest.

[CanadianGirl]

If he's already admitted that he's not cut out for the distance, I wouldn't force it. If he's just going to be unhappy, you will probably end up getting hurt. He has to come to the realization that he needs to do it. You can try showing him that it's possible to do LDR, but I wouldn't pin any huge hopes on it, just to be safe.

For us, we met in person after talking for a good few months. While he was over, after a couple days, he asked me what we were and it just happened.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

We didn't become a couple until after we'd re-met after admitting we had feelings for each other. After that, we decided that we would do the long distance thing because 1. If we had an open relationship, or we seeing other people, it would spoil what we had between us, so we wanted to stay exclusive and 2. We are in contact almost every day anyway and 3. We were planning to close the distance within the next year-2 years. It wasn't as simple as "we want to be together". We had to talk about it, but the main reason was number one. We know that we feel something special, an neither of us want to fuck it up, so exclusivity seemed the best way to avoid jealousy or mistakes or accidetally having more than one relationship. After talking about that, it didn't really make sense to stop being boyfriend girlfriend, and we both still wanted the affection of the other... It just sorta happened that way.

[Rugger]

My SO and I didn't choose to be in an LDR, it just sort of happened. When we started our senior year of college ( before we met), we had both decided we weren't going to date anyone because neither of us wanted to do long distance. Two months later, we met and over the course of the next 6 months, we fell in love. We didn't even talk about what we would do come May, we just did. Either one of us could have ended it, but for some reason, we didn't. Here we are 2 years and 2 months later, in love and talking about our hypothetical apartment.

If your SO doesn't want to do long- distance, there is no way you are going to convince him to do it. He has to want to do it on his own. All you can do is try to stay strong.

[fitfilipina]

Looking back, I don't really think there was a discussion about it. We started dating in late-Feb/early March and became official in April -- just around the same time my college acceptances started rolling in. Since we really had only been dating a month, I didn't really think to consider him into my plans because it was too early for me to make a hasty decision on a guy that I wasn't completely sure I had a future with. We both knew I was leaving to go off to school somewhere in the state, 45 minutes being the closest and 3 hours being the farthest, but we were so caught up in young love and enjoying our summer that we didn't really sit down to talk about it.

Being the overthinker that I am, however, I started thinking about it on my own around June-ish. I had talked to some girlfriends about it and they encouraged me to break it off because "I'm sure he's not the one for you" and "You're gonna miss out on all the things you can do". My SO looked like he had no intentions of breaking it off with me, and I didn't want to either (though I was also scared and previously anti-LDR) but I figured that this connection I had like this guy was special and shouldn't be wasted because of a distance barrier. He was absolutely certain he wanted to be with me too, so that was really reassuring.

Honestly, I understand where your boyfriend is coming from. The thought of being in a long distance relationship is scary. I like to think of it like marriage: people hear the statistics of failure and the complaints of being tied down, but really, if you do it right, it could be the greatest thing to have happened to you. Reassure him that you love him and this relationship means something and it shouldn't be stopped because of a little distance. If he's worried about the physical aspect, maybe you could take it slow and suggest an open relationship or to take it slow, and then see where he feels after he's tried it out a bit. Best of luck to you!

[AEAS]

Me and my SO met online, so it was a LDR from the start. Neither of us have ever had a CD relationship, so it wasn't very strange to be in a LDR.

[DemonxOisin]

Honestly? I offered an open relationship. And I definitely don't recommend doing that unless you are certain you are comfortable with it, and have a similar amount of sexual experience. It worked okay for us, but know what you're getting into, because I didn't and just sort of went with it :P

[Amatory]

He had to convince me! At first I didn't think I could handle it so we were going to try an open relationship instead.. but.. he proved he was serious. And now we're saving up to see one another and we do have serious plans to close the distance already.

[megfashion]

well... we sort of knew that long distance was going to happen from day 1. we started dating 2 years before he moved to university...

so as we fell in love, we knew that thered be many more difficult years to come. but as the last love letter said, love does prevail. if we can get through a death of his father, then we can get through being 216 miles apart, around 6 weeks at a time (he keeps coming back, my lil homing pigeon lol)

[DollOnAMusicBox]

He did the convincing. I was emotionally cheating on my boyfriend of the time, with my SO...my SO wanted me to leave my boyfriend (for reasons that were both selfish and very unselfish), but knew that as a guy 3500 miles away, he really had no pull whatsoever. So he never asked me to. It nearly killed him, but he stuck around.

My boyfriend and I broke up after 6 months, and a couple months later my SO told me he loved me and he needed me. He promised we could keep all of our plans and meet as friends in the next year (since thats what we wanted to do). And that it could all move at my pace. I think by the end of our first month "together online" (as we called it) we both just decided to hold out for one another. We didn't pursue any others and spent all of our free time together...but we never actually had a "turning point" between "exclusive online" and "completely exclusive" He came out to visit a year later as my boyfriend.

[Sierra]

I met my boyfriend online and waited for him to see if the feelings developed for him as they had for me. When they did, he didn't need any convincing. He wanted the relationship as much as I did. Although he did confide in me that he though we wouldn't make it past a few months because of the distance, he believed that we were worth it.

You have to show him it's worth it.

[floridaellen]

My SO and I ended up breaking up before I moved. We were still friends, even though we were both hurt. We didn't know if we could handle long distance but we ended up getting back together. It was worth it.

[CynicalQuixotic]

On one hand, I can sort of see where your boyfriend is coming from. When I first met JP, I was studying abroad in Paris and was in a completely different headspace than I am now--I had only a couple of months previous broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years, and I was very much enjoying single life/dating casually. I fully intended on having a fun fling and then coming home to finish up college with no regrets. However, JP and I clicked immediately and I fell very hard. I knew it was something special. However, it took me a bit to come around, and when we had our "What The Hell Are We Going To Do" conversation right before I came back to the states, I did say that if he wanted to have an open relationship while we were apart, I would be all right with that. He was adamantly against it, and looking back I'm very glad that we gave an exclusive LDR a chance because I love him to bits :3 As other posters said, it's a good arrangement if both parties are 100% okay with it.

However, I think it's incredibly emotionally manipulative that he gave you a 'promise necklace' when there's no actual promise. He's basically assuaging his own guilt of not wanting to fully commit to you while making sure that you stay attached to him. I'm not saying he's a horrible person--I don't know him and don't want to make assumptions--but it's a really unfair thing to do. What everyone said is right--you can talk about it, you can show him this site, but if he really doesn't want to do long distance, there's unfortunately no way to make him see things your way.

I'm sorry you're in such a crappy situation. I hope you two can figure things out.