Girlfriend gets mad when I fall asleep on skype at night. Also another question

[jaymo90]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over 3 months. I work 6 or 7 days a week. Sometimes long shifts. When I come home from work we talk for a while. But I always end up falling asleep while we talk. Then she gets upset with me over it and starts an argument with me about it. I see why she is upset. But she wanted to break up with me over it. She said maybe we shouldn't be together anymore. That hit me pretty hard. Sometimes she even goes and says if we break up. I never had those thoughts in my head ever. but she said she thinks and those bad thoughts come into her head. I feel like she is second guessing us. I talked to her and worked things out. But yet I still fall asleep on her. She gets mad and I get upset with myself. Not to mention there is a 13 hour time difference. She lives in the Philippines and I live in U.S.A. I don't want to upset her by me falling asleep while we talk. What can I do for myself so I don't fall asleep while we talk? I still love her very much. But when she thinks those if we break up thoughts I feel absolutely terrible. I also feel she may be getting bored or tired of me. But she won't admit it. Honestly someone tell me what I should do?

[Moon]

Honestly, I think your girlfriend needs to be a bit more understanding. Does she work? Also, about how far into the conversation do you fall asleep? If it's like two minutes, I can see getting a bit upset.

My guy has fallen asleep on me so many times By the time I get home from work, it's 1:00am for him, so we have a time limit during the week of one hour and after that he has to go to bed. We've been together almost three years though, in the beginning (where you are) we talked for hours, until I found out he was living on coffee and energy drinks just to survive! That's just not the way to live. I think you need to set some limits with her, and if she can't handle that, quite frankly she sounds pretty selfish, and maybe you should question if you really want to be with someone who can't understand that you have to work and sleep sometimes.

[ChibiFelicia]

I'd have to agree with Moon. My man falls asleep fairly often too and sometimes...i do get annoyed mainly cause he's telling me he's fine and i know he's sleepy so i tell him to sleep but he wants to talk to me. Then he falls asleep not long after. I find it cute now. I listen for a bit then just hang up. But yes, you should probably take moons advice and speak to her about it.

[snow_girl]

My SO has never fallen asleep while we've been talking, I think if he did I would be a little annoyed, If you are talking about something and all of the sudden your partner is fast asleep it might make her feel like what she is saying is boring. That being said I understand being tired so why not tell her when you first start your convo that you can only talk for a short time and then say good bye before you fall asleep? That way she gets your full attention for 15 minutes or whatever and then you can say goodbye before going to bed.

[Engel]

Honestly, I think your girlfriend needs to be a bit more understanding. Does she work? Also, about how far into the conversation do you fall asleep? If it's like two minutes, I can see getting a bit upset.

My guy has fallen asleep on me so many times By the time I get home from work, it's 1:00am for him, so we have a time limit during the week of one hour and after that he has to go to bed. We've been together almost three years though, in the beginning (where you are) we talked for hours, until I found out he was living on coffee and energy drinks just to survive! That's just not the way to live. I think you need to set some limits with her, and if she can't handle that, quite frankly she sounds pretty selfish, and maybe you should question if you really want to be with someone who can't understand that you have to work and sleep sometimes.

true. when my husband and I were long distance, we had a 6 hour time difference, and he has two works, so he would manage to talk to me for half an hour or one hour maximum before sleeping. i didn't mind, at least he was talking to me everyday, and sacrificing some of his sleeping time, that isn't much to start with, to talk with me. on days he was incredibly tired, we would just say hi, i love you, and i would watch him sleep on the webcam. but i didn't get mad at him for that.

[HollzHeartsChris]

It's happened to me before in the past, and honestly, I agree with what Moon says, she needs to be just a little more understanding. However annoying it might be, she needs to understand that you work a lot and as a result you get pretty tired. So you need your sleep.

[carolynred]

I'm going to agree with the others in that your SO needs to take a step back and understand what's going on. While yes it might be frustrating to her that you doze off after awhile, but in the long run its no reason to break up. You're just living your life and trying your best to let her be a part of it. Your body shuts down like that because you NEED to sleep and get your rest, and I hope maybe your SO will be able to realize that soon. I would just keep trying to talk to her about it and really emphasize that you're doing all you can at this point. While communication is key in an LDR, understanding is just as big of one. I hope things can work out soon!

[Haru]

I actually just fell asleep today talking with my SO over MSN and have done so in the past (and he has done it as well). He gets sad; but never mad, and I the same. And neither of us certainly want to break up over it.
Being blunt, but she needs to get over it. If you're tired, you're tired. You can't help that.

[Haley53]

I can see where you're girlfriend is coming from, frankly. Anger is oftentimes backed by sadness, and so I would guess that her feelings are hurt when you fall asleep on her. She likely takes it personally. Breaking up over it is probably because she feels hopeless and desperate for it to change because it doesn't happen occasionally but rather it happens all the time. How far in advance are you able to determine your schedule? Perhaps when you have the 7th day off, you could dedicate an hour or two to having a Skype date, and then during the week, maybe you could Skype for around half hour to an hour before going off to bed. I would pay attention to when you normally start to doze off and put a cap on your conversations before that point. She may not like the idea, but she can't continuously put herself in a situation where she's going to be constantly aggravated, hence why having designated times to talk might be helpful. Then throughout the day, if you get the chance, you can send one another e-mails or texts or something to let the other know you care/are thinking about them.

[DollOnAMusicBox]

My SO is a busy guy as well. I always used to have an issue with him falling asleep on me, not because he was sleeping and I was missing out on time, but also because he just couldnt be honest with me (or himself) that he needed to go. So theres step 1. Be honest wkth her. If you come home dog tired, tell her. "I need to go to bed in 20 minutes" sucks, but its better than that feeling of abandonment when you just drop out of the conversation.

Step 2, acknowledge that she is still awake/unable to fall asleep at that time, therefore she just has a harder time realizing how tired you are. Its selfish, but you cant control her perspective of the world. Its REALLY weird for me when my SO goes to bed before the sun is down. Try to acknowledge her side of the time zone by offering to let her watch you sleep on skype. (It sounds corny but I thought it was very sweet of my SO ot offer). It may not work out every night, but a couple nights a week makes it a treat.

Step 3. Talk to her about it before it becomes another fight. Dont just wait until youre both on edge. Calmly, but firmly explain to her that this is a health thing. If she wants you to be healthy and safe, she needs to let you get your rest too. Sometimes us girls think our SO's are superman. We need gentle reminders that youre as human as we are.

Lastly, if you promise to be there...be there. Even if it means needing to push just for that half hour. Your word is your bond. If you cant trust your body to make it, dont promise to be there all night. You have to know yourself and your limits, and she NEEDS to respect that. But...you also need to respect the value of a promise to show her shes also valuable in your life.

Good luck

[Sharon Q]

With time differances it can be hard and along with work I understand how that can be hard as well.

I would suggest that you set times for the two of you to talk. Even if its just a little bit a day.

The " if we break up thoughts " could be steming from insecurities. Its only been three months and this is a fairly new relationship If she's been hurt in the past before than this could be from her trying to keep a realistic view on the relationship. Someone who has been in a serious relationship that they expected to last, to later find out that it didn't last would pursue future relationships with a more realistic view that being, there is a posibility it may not work out and thus you get the " if we break up thoughts "

However that said I think you need to talk with her about this, let her know you care deeply for her and that the thought of the two of you breaking up hurts you a lot. I think if she knows this it will help decress the " if we break up " thoughts.