The Cooling-Off Question

[meganpillow]

My significant other and I got into a fight yesterday night. It was over something stupid, just him being kind of rude to me. I took it at offense and asked him what was going on with him. He started getting really angry and had trouble controlling it. We hung up on Skype, and he called me about 10 minutes later saying that he was sorry. I told him I forgive him, and explained to him that he can't be hurting me like this. He said he didn't want to talk anymore. I calmly said that whenever he wanted to talk again, to give me a call. This was about 9pm last night. It is now 6pm the next day. I respect that men need their space to cool down and refocus (so they don't say things they don't mean), but I need to know how long cooling off should last before I should put my foot down. We haven't texted/called/skyped/facebooked or communicated in general since then. When I say "put on foot down" I mean realize that maybe I need to rethink some things. There is a possibility that he is waiting for me to call him, but I will not give him that satisfaction. If he wants to talk to me, then he has to pick up the phone and call me. Any advice? Thoughts?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Ahhh. I'm wary about making these kinds of 'rules'. Y'know, I can't contact him, because he hasn't contacted me, he should contact first. You just can't know exactly what's going on and why he hasn't contacted you.
I know it's frustrating, but I always think that if you can, you should avoid playing the 'contact game'. This is the man you love. I'm not trying to tell you to not stand your ground. I'm trying to tell you that if you really want to sort things out, you need to communicate with him, not just wait for him to communicate with you. Even something simple like "Hey, still here when you want to talk" at least opens the possibility of communication. If he's not ready, he won't contact you, but at least he'll know you're still around for him. If he has just forgotten or has been busy, it's a gentle reminder. If he's been waiting for you to contact him, it's stopping the stubborn 'contact game'.
I'm all for letting people cool off, when they need it, but there are ways of letting them know it's ok to talk without pressuring them into it.

[Haru]

Being completely honest and perhaps a bit brutal...you're being a little bratty. ^^' I'm with Biddly, you shouldn't do the whole "I WON'T GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION OF ME CALLING HIM YADDA YADDA YADDA." Yeah no, that's not cool. Just send him some texts or messages on Skype letting him know you're still around. He may think you're still upset, even after you said it was okay. You need to let him know that you aren't, even if you still are a little.

[meganpillow]

Hmmm, I see what you mean. I guess I just don't want him stepping all over me you know what I mean? I don't want him to automatically assume that all he has to do is walk away and I will come back to him trying to make things work. I want him to realize that sometimes he needs to be the one to say "Hey, I hate this silence, lets talk". I know I sound quote "bratty" but I am a very independent women. I can't just let him always win, he needs to know that if he wants this to work he's going to have to work at this too. I think him running away is just hoping that I will follow.

[Haley53]

I don't think you're being bratty, but I think that you should stand by what you said. You said you'd be there when he's wanting to talk, so leave it at that. Sometimes it can be hard leaving the ball in their court, especially when they don't contact us in the time frame we would have them, but in the end, he said you didn't want to talk, you respected it/said okay, and that's that. Let him come to you, because you've put the ball in his court. I know it's hard, but try and keep as distracted as possible in the meantime. When he wants to talk, then you communicate.

[carolynred]

I agree with Eclaire, I don't think you're being bratty at all. I think how you handled it was pretty mature by calmly telling him to talk when he is ready. Sometimes guys can be the immature ones in certain cases, so I would do what you said and wait for him to call/ communicate back with you. As for how long does it take to cool off, that always varies depending on the person. Hopefully he will call soon at this rate! Patience will go a long way. If he doesn't communicate for awhile, sending a text or a short message won't hurt either. xD

[meganpillow]

Thank you to the 2 last ladies that posted, it was very helpful. I went ahead and sent him a text saying "I am here for you whenever you want to talk." I don't know if he will answer or not, but at least he knows that I care. That's all I can do for now.
It's sad to say, but things might end between us because of something so stupid. I guess silly little wounds never mend.
I don't know why he is withdrawing from me.
I backed off from him, gave him space. My friends tell me at school he looks very depressed. I hope that we can continue this relationship, I love him very much.

---------- Post added at 01:44 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:43 AM ----------

Thank you to the 2 last ladies that posted, it was very helpful. I went ahead and sent him a text saying "I am here for you whenever you want to talk." I don't know if he will answer or not, but at least he knows that I care. That's all I can do for now.
It's sad to say, but things might end between us because of something so stupid. I guess silly little wounds never mend.
I don't know why he is withdrawing from me.
I backed off from him, gave him space. My friends tell me at school he looks very depressed. I hope that we can continue this relationship, I love him very much.

[carolynred]

Gosh I'm sorry to hear that girly. Maybe there is something else going on that you might not know about? If he's upset while in the presence of friends and upset while talking to you, maybe there is something going on in the background causing all this? Just a thought. I hope everything will be ok! We're here for you!

[meganpillow]

UPDATE

Well, so I gave in and gave him a call. Turns out we have been BOTH waiting for the other person to call!! How silly is that? We made up, everything's fine, thank GOD! (:

[carolynred]

YAY! So happy to hear it!