Announcement

**kiara_silver** · February 16, 2012, 12:26 AM

I replied to a similar thread before, about when I knew the relationship was really serious. It was in the mist of a struggle in our relationship, where i thought I might loose him, and even though he hurt me, i knew it would hurt more to loose him then anything else. I personally think love is very complicating, and it is not easy or simple at all. And I think love is also a choice, it's to easy to walk away when things get hard. Love is commitment, trust, respect, honesty, accepting, patient. Its when you find this one person, who you see your life with, and they take over your whole world. Who accepts you fully, flaws and all and you can do the same and will hold onto them. At least this is my definition. My SO isn't perfect, but neither am i, in the nearly three years we been together, he's shown he's faithful, and honest. He makes me smile, and laugh, and hes there when i feel im falling. I know he's the one, i've already gave and set my heart on him. Although were not married "yet" I do believe in those vows, for better or for worse. And so i plan to make us work, and to stand by him, and work to always make it. Im not sure if i believe in just knowing, i think it's more complicating than that. But once you do know, never let him or her go. Call me crazy, but yeah, I know my SO is the one, i'll say the same thing 10 years from now.

**Haley53** · February 16, 2012, 12:35 AM

Why do you think your SO is the one?
Because when he's around, everything makes sense. Because despite living a satisfying independent life and being headed in a positive and steadfast direction, he makes pieces fall into place that I didn't even know were missing. I can't say I believe in the concept of "the one," but I certainly have no issue with the idea of marrying my current SO, because he completes me like no one else ever has. And maybe "completes" is the wrong word, because despite him opening doors I didn't know existed, despite him painting my world in more vibrant colours, he doesn't fill a void. His purpose is not fitting into some soulmate-shaped gap sitting miserably in my heart. I would say that he's more of an extension, something that enhances my life as it is currently, and our connection and relationship is something that ties our compatible worlds together. It's similar to when we're holding hands, kissing one another, holding one another, or having sex. We're still two separate beings but in those moments it feels like we've connected as one body. Everything in me is electrified with the want to love and the feeling of being loved, and there's a sense of unconditional regard. I accept him for who he is, and he accepts me. We both love one another for the sake of loving, not being loved in return. We accept each other's flaws. We accept each other at our best and at our worst, and we work as a team. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, though we have our arguments like most other couples, I feel a lot of the time like we're two parts of the same machine. We have similar ideals, are working for similar internal goals, and we encourage the other's goals outside of ourselves. We work in tandem with each other, pushing forward and carrying the weight when necessary and knowing when to fall back. We have a rhythm and a motion and we work as a pair while still maintaining a hold on who we are as individuals. That is the type of person I see myself marrying.

How/when did you come to realize, and how are you sure?

Well I suppose I've known I've wanted to marry the boy for a while, but as I said, I don't believe in the concept of "the one." I believe in soulmates (multiple), people with whom you feel that deep and soul connection, but I don't believe we're screwed if "the one" turns out not to be, well, the one. :P I think we're constantly shifting and sometimes people grow with you and sometimes they don't. I don't think it lessens the connection any. What my boyfriend and I have is beautiful. We both want one another forever but if it didn't work out that way I should hope we would remain close as friends. But I have been in love with him and who he is for a long, long time. I don't want any breath spent between us to be wasted. I want to hold on to him for as long as he'll possibly have me.

Do you believe in the idea of "if its the right one, you'll know?
No. I believe in "Or is it more complicated than that?" As I mentioned above, we are constantly shifting. Sometimes people grow in the same direction and sometimes they don't, and though the latter is often painful, that does not mean it's a bad thing. However, I think because we're constantly shifting, our definition of "the one" and our ideals for what we want for our futures, both for ourselves and with a partner, are constantly undergoing revision, especially in the younger years. I see a lot of 14-year-olds deciding they're with "the one" before they've even learned to experience who they are when standing on their own, and I see them fall apart when it turns out that either they or their partner moves on, spoiling the high school romance inspired fairytale. But the thing is that I don't think it's ever possible to know who's "the right one" because I don't think there is "one." I mean, there are a lot of people who have been in a few relationships, more than one of which they've been convinced they wanted to marry their partner. While I do think that it's possible for two people to remain compatible forever, and I hope my boyfriend and I will, I also think that thinking about it in terms of "I've found the one" is about the destination. Love, to be cliche, is about a journey. It's about learning and growing and being honest and open and accepting the natural shifts that occur within you. It's about inspiring one another and encouraging one another. It can be hard not to get caught up in societal ideas, but I think the emphasis on finding "the one" is detrimental. To me, I'd rather enjoy each day I have with my boyfriend as I live them. Sure, I love talking about the future as much as anyone, but there's something beautiful about not worrying about it because you're disregarding it to immerse yourself in the present time wholly and completely. Since feeling more confidently and securely in my relationship, I have not needed to worry obsessively about our future because I know that at least within the next couple years, our future is there. I have reached a point where I've learned to slow it down and breathe and I'd say that the journey I'm making with my boyfriend is all the more lucid because of it.

**Manoek** · February 16, 2012, 09:01 AM

That was really easy for me

Couple of things:
-- It was love at first sight, and I didn't believe in that for the first 4 years, I realized 3 years ago when I saw him again and was still in love.
-- I never wanted kids.. But when I saw him again 3 years ago I thought: This is the father of my childeren!
-- For the last couple of years, even though I was with other guys, no day has passed without me thinking about him.

**kteire** · February 16, 2012, 09:10 AM

I guess I don't believe in the concept of "the one." I feel like as cynical as it might seem, if I hadn't met my SO (and believe me, it's jut due to chance that I did!) I would have met someone else at another time that I might have loved as much. I don't want to be with anyone else, but it would make me sad that if anything happened that we couldn't be together, that there would never be the same love for me again.

But I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him after we'd been dating for about 5 weeks. I was leaving in 2 weeks for a month-long trip I'd booked before we started dating, and then was heading back to Canada from there. I woke up at about 5am and burst into tears because I felt so happy, and knew it was coming to an end soon. He woke up and we talked about our future, and he cried. He's had a lot of very tough things happen in life, and he had never cried in his adult life before that moment. I knew I could never imagine my life without him and I knew he felt the same way.

I definitely believe that when you know, you know. I thought more people would be sceptical when I mentioned that I planned to move overseas for a guy I'd been dating for 3 months at that point in time... Everyone just shrugged and said "When you know, you know" and were supportive

I've never had a single doubt about him.

**fitfilipina** · February 16, 2012, 02:03 PM

Why do you think your SO is the one?
Honestly, I just do (I guess this answers question number 3, too). I can't imagine spending my life with any other person, and this is the first time I've ever felt that way for guy. With other guys I'd dated in the past, I always understood in my head that they weren't going to be the one for me and that there was an expiration date on our relationship. When I started dating my SO, all of those feelings changed. He made me happier than I had ever been. He inspired me to be a better person, and for that, I don't really think I could be myself without him in my life. Yeah, I've had tough moments where I'd thought about taking a break, but in the end, we don't really see breaking up as an option. Our life goals may not match up, but what we do know is that we love each other and that we want to be with each other. When I got to the core of what I wanted in life, that was simply enough.

How/when did you come to realize, and how are you sure?
There was no set date, it just kind of happened. I've never been more sure of anything else; I do understand I may be wrong in the end, but as of now, this is what I feel and I'm certain that we will make it. I even told him from the very beginning, "once you know, you know." And I think I do! But we'll see.

**Engel** · February 16, 2012, 04:19 PM

I never wanted to get married, with him, I wanted it! really wanted! and did get married! this is the biggest proof I could ever give to a man, as I never had the dream to get married.

he made me think a LDR was worthy a shot, even in different continents. I would never go through with that, all the lonely nights, all the tears for the distance, if it wasn't the real deal.

I just knew it, since early on in the relationship, he was the one i was going to be with all my life. if not "the one" or "soul mate"(don't really believe there is only one people out there in the whole world that can make us happy, maybe a handful of them, but not just ONE, the world is too big), as close to that as it can get!

and when i realized life without him is just a shadow of what life with him is, and i smile everyday when i wake up and see his face, and feel my love growing with each passing day, still!

**Sora1101** · February 16, 2012, 05:19 PM

Why do you think your SO is the one? How do I know he's the one? Simple, I can't imagine life without him, believe me I tired, and every time I did I pretty much had a panic attack. I can't stand to lose him, he taught me what love is and he repaired my broken self. He saved my life, gave a damn about me when no one else would, and he wasn't asked to or forced to, he cared about me because he wanted to. Honestly he's the one because even after almost three years together every time his name or face pops into my head I smile without even realizing it, I feel my heart race and when he's not around I don't feel like myself, he makes me that best that I can be.
How/when did you come to realize, and how are you sure? I fell into puppy love extremely fast, it was almost love at first sight but when I really knew that it was definitely love was about a year in, I was thinking about whether or not I wanted to deal with a LDR anymore. I was turning it over and over again in my mind when a crushing pain engulfed me, the more and more I thought about it the more I realized that he was the love of my life and without him I didn't even want to live.
Do you believe in the idea of "if its the right one, you'll know? No actually I don't, I think it takes some serious thinking, you don't just wake up one day and say that's it he/she is the one. But once you've figured it out through careful thought you'll definitely know.

**lucybelle** · February 16, 2012, 07:25 PM

Originally posted by kteire View Post

I guess I don't believe in the concept of "the one." I feel like as cynical as it might seem, if I hadn't met my SO (and believe me, it's jut due to chance that I did!) I would have met someone else at another time that I might have loved as much. I don't want to be with anyone else, but it would make me sad that if anything happened that we couldn't be together, that there would never be the same love for me again.

I 100% agree with this. I don't think there's only one person for every person in the world. I think there is a right person for right now. If I had met my SO even one year before I did, it wouldn't have worked out. I hope I spend my life happily with my SO, but as we grow and change I sort of wonder how realistic of a belief that is. We both say "forever" but I'm never really sure how much I mean it.

But I know he's the one for me right now and foreseeable future. He makes me so happy and puts up with all my crazy shit. And I have a lot of crazy shit

**kat4301** · February 16, 2012, 10:05 PM

I think for me it was pretty early into our relationship, we actually thought we were gonna be LDR a long time ago due to undergrad college. I didn't get into the college near him and was all set to go to a different school far away. I started to realize how important our relationship was when I began to panic the summer before leaving. Since then I think seeing him grow and seeing us build our lives that we want together has begun to push me towards making that final commitment.

**FadedSunrise** · February 17, 2012, 03:03 AM

Thanks for all the responses so far! Keep them coming please!

My problem though is...I don't know if its the guy that's not a good match for me, or me who has the superb ability to rationalize myself out of any situation. I don't know if the fact that I don't feel the "he can be my life partner" connection super strongly like you guys is my problem OR If the problem is (and this HAS happened before with the guy that was super important to me and I had a crush on essentially all four years of high school, but never confessed to) that I'm the kind of person who just won't acknowledge it even if my subconscious is trying to give me these signs...

This guy I used to crush on for so long-in the end I just held myself back from confessing, and let him graduate/move away and us not have contact ever again. I feel like I'm going to end up convincing myself to do the same with my ex, even if the deeper part of me is telling me I DON'T want to do that..?

I'm so confused.

**haribo0603** · February 17, 2012, 07:56 AM

Why do you think your SO is the one?

I understand it is difficult that you get a conviction. I and my SO have had twotimes of the relationships with an intervals. I was not sure my SO is the one when it was the first relationship though I liked him very much. Even during the intervals I tried to have a contact with him. It was one of signs of my feelings but I did not realize it in that time. (We did not fight and we gave up the first relationship because of the distance.)

Now I am sure he is the gift of my life. (I do not know he has the same opinion.

) How do I know my conviction? I have never compared him with anyone else. I love just he is. I think I am lucky to meet him. I have never had such feelings for any other person.

How/when did you come to realize, and how are you sure?

I was perhaps silly. As I mentioned above, once we were separated from each other. I was married a guy and then divorced from the guy during the interval. But honestly I have never felt my ex husband was the one though my ex liked me very much and he was very kind to my mother. I think my ex had socially very good "factors", higher education & etc., but any factors which can be comparable do not give you such conviction.

Actually I have realized quite recently. I tried to have a contact with my SO again. But one of my best friends advised to look for someone else with "better factors" on the social network. Then I unconsciously told her "he is the one for me".

After that I have wondered why I said it. My SO's behavior and his thoughts remind me my father who died many years ago and My SO's figure or his existence itself makes me happy. (Perhaps it sounds funny because my father and my SO are racially different). I have had these feelings since I met him at the first time.

Perhaps it was my "internal voice". Even he has some failings, I love them and accept them as a part of himself. It's a roundabout way of my life.

**Dziubka** · February 17, 2012, 07:56 AM

FadedSunrise, if I recall correctly, you didn't spend a lot of time with your boyfriend in person right? Didn't you start the relationship after you had already returned to the US?

It's just me, but on that basis I wouldn't be able to decide if my boyfriend was 'the one' (I agree with kteire and lucybelle on this), either.

I liked my boyfriend from the first second I saw him. He's so good looking (for me anyway) and cute. When we had our first date I realized I liked the way he talks and gesticulates and that he's quite smart. I knew I wanted to see him again.
And so I did.
But I didn't know I wanted to have a serious, long term relationship and future with him right then. Hell, I didn't actually KNOW him at all. How people can be sure of that, after knowing someone for a month or less, is entirely beyond me.
Anyway, we liked each other, so we continued to meet, started a relationship and got to know each other better. With every little new bit I learnt about him, I liked him a little more and wanted to spend more time with him. The better I get to know him, the more convinced I am that we have very good chances of happily growing old together.
At this point I can't really imagine my future with someone else or without him. He understands me like no one else, we laugh at the same silly things, we enjoy doing the same things and the things that annoy us about each other are things we can tolerate relatively well.
It was or rather is a very long and slow process, though.

**megfashion** · February 17, 2012, 09:07 AM

didnt really know till the 5th this month (the anniversary). we were always really really close, granted, but i wouldnt have said "yes" to the "big question", because i still wasnt sure.

but then i cried to him about everything, and he was so supportive and gave such good advice, and let me cry... it led on to actually accepting that the death had happened... which wouldve never ever happened without him talking...

then i knew that he was the one. x

**lala** · February 17, 2012, 12:32 PM

I think that there are many people in the world who could be the one.. it's abou the time, yourself and the person. I was in love a few times and had a crush on many boys.. but back then they weren't interested in me, and thoe who wanted to date me I didn't want. well and then I found my SO and everything felt right. I had the best kiss ever and from this moment I knew that I fell really hard for him..and then I had the best three months in my life. I haven't seen him for 7 months and I don't feel going out with friends.. I simply can't imagine myself with anyone else.. I just want him that's all. I mean I can't actually say if I want to marry him,because it's too early.. but I can definetely imagine having a family with him one day

Announcement

(For those who know) How did you come to realize your SO is the one?

(For those who know) How did you come to realize your SO is the one?

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