I need some advice please...

[SophRoseBennett]

Hey guys thanks for all your advice, I had a long talk with him about our issues. He agrees that the distance is hard for the both of us but at the end of the day he told me that he'd never want to break up with me. I told him that he hasn't been making an effort and how it annoys and hurts me when he plays videogames when we're supposed to be talking on the phone and he listened to what I had to say and he apologised for pushing me into giving up my family & friends and pets for him and he's considering living in England for 6 months. He's never left Canada so I think it'd be a nice change for him to visit England.

We spoke mostly through Facebook but then we spoke on the phone about what we discussed and it made everything so much better. He understands my worries about what I'd have to give up & I understand about him having to lose his parents if he lived here with me. He also told me that we need to sort our future together soon, couple of years at the latest. He went silent on the phone for a moment and then told me that he'd never want to break up with me & that he wants to live the rest of his life with me and to get married etc.

We both need to sort out our careers, although he works full time at a supermarket but he doesn't want to work there all his life which I understand completley. He's been thinking of different career options. He has reminded me more than once that England currently has a big increase in unemployment and I agree as i'm trying to find a job in the meantime to save up money until hopefully I pass my interview with the airlines. If he did live here I would help him with his career.

[leonsfangirl]

Im in Birmingham and my SO is in Canada soooo SNAP!

Reading how you felt leaving Canada was exactly how i felt and I only got to spend a week with my SO too.
So much of what you wrote mirrors my own story it's scary!

I can't really give you any new advice as they ladies here are excellent but i just wanted to say i know how you feel and if you need any advice feel free to private message me.

[Zephii]

Hey, welcome to the forum

I'm Aussie and my husband (haha feels funny to write that!) is Canadian. He always told me he would never move to Australia for me... yet, we're here in Sydney, and we're here for five years.

The best advice I can give anyone who's international is: both of you should have a go at living in each other's countries before you settle down and pick one (if you do settle down. We're living in two places, and I know others who are doing the same thing.). It's not ok to ask someone to do something - sacrifice so much - if you are not willing to do it yourself. It's plain wrong, and you need to find a gentle way to point it out to him. Also, it's important to have time in both places because where a person is from influences so much about their character. Mannerisms, humour, speech patterns, etc are all effected by culture. You will understand each other better if you have lived in each other's worlds. It doesn't have to be forever. A year is not long, for example, and having worked internationally looks great on a resume.
You also need to meet each other's family and friends. No matter where you are in the world, family is so important. And if they actually knew him, grew to love him too, then you being in anohter country with him wouldn't be as offensive/hard for them to deal with.
If you can swing it, have at least one long visit before you make a perminant move - by long I mean at least three months. Visits don't give a fair representation of what living with a person is like, anyone can be nice for a week.

Basically where I'm going with this is, it can't be all take and no give on his side. He needs to meet you half way, and if he can't do that, he's probably not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[Killtrend]

I'm going to give you my opinion, blunt and straight:

He isn't worth it. If he can't chose a video game over you, he isn't ready to start a family. And quite frankly, at 19 you aren't either. You met him at 16. Very impressionable. You likely haven't had the personal chance to get heartbroken, and to be loved in any real way. This LDR seems magical because its the first time you feel someone is giving you everything they've got. You're the center of his world. This is coming from a guy that has dated plenty of girls, had my heart broken countless times and even broke a few myself. You've gotta learn what love is, before you can declare this thing you have as it.

Getting back to my point, are you the center of his world? I hold two part time jobs, 60 hours a week. I go to the gym and try to balance the family I have left with my friends and my girl. There's always time to text. There's always time to call. Sometimes, you'll have to lose sleep. Sometimes he will. Sometimes you'll have to give away some of the things you like to do in your downtime. What if you were there? Would he insist on playing video games while you told him about your day? You're 19, but he is laying down an ultimatum that YOU have to move. If I was your parent, I'd be pissed too. Some asshole (excuse me) in another country is making up rules for my daughter? He doesn't even have the fortitude to come meet your parents in person before these demands are made? Absolutely not going to fly in my household. A man has got to own up to his choices and stand up for his beliefs. He can't hide behind some flirty texts and ask you to move in with him. This isn't a disney movie. Things are complicated. Love is complicated.

I moved for a girl when I was 19. I was foolish, but I gave it my 100%. I didn't have any significant dating experience. I had never truly been loved in my life. So I made plans with her. I spent a week getting to know her family, and she did the same here. We spent a year talking back and forth before I manned up and packed my firebird for what I thought was my true love. It wasn't. I got there, and three months later she cheated on me. I was a novelty item to her. No risk on her part, meant she could break my heart and I'm the one that had to suffer and go back home with my tail between my legs. Home to all the friends and family I turned my back on. The point is: effort. If you can't get his 100% now, have fun trying to get it when you move in with him and give him everything he wants, meanwhile keeping his risk at zero.

I don't like it, darlin'. I think you're making a grave mistake. Take it from someone who killed their beloved firebird driving 90mph home for 1200 miles. Don't take all the risk. And don't settle for a "nice" thing in another country when you haven't had a chance to even tell the difference yet.

[brazil]

Wow, this thread is very helpful. Kudos to every single poster.

I don't have much to add, just for what OP's last post was, seems like you guys have compromised. Neither of you have carreers to keep, so the idea of working in another country should be considered. Neither of you have a degree, so studying in another country shuold be considered even more. Study your options, save up money, look for scoolarship institutions or working abroad ones. You can't just go to a country and vacation for 6 months. Think of how much your parents have already invested in this relationship (except if you paid for your father's ticket).

Tell him how you felt when he dedicated his time exclusivelly to you. I've been in a LDR relationship for over 3 years, and I've had other relationships before my current one. I'm 24 and my parents are still the same of when I was 19, they would (especially my mother) be completely broken if I moved in to another country, so don't expect your parents to change after meeting your SO or after some time. Don't expect them to suppport you 100%, but one day, you'll have to choose between your parents and your life. And they'll have to deal with it.

The decision has to come from you, because it's your life, wether you want to share it with someone or not.

[SophRoseBennett]

Hey I haven't had a chance to reply, thanks for all your replies!

@Leonsfangirl: Woo! Haha okay thanks it's so lovely to hear you're in a similar situation to me

Thanks guys, all your posts have been very helpful and I have listened to each of them, Although we've kind of sorted things out, i'm not going to build my hopes up incase he doesn't come & if he doesn't then I'll have to tell him how unhappy it's making me feel when he promises to come but then he doesn't for one reason or another. I don't want my parents to invest in our relationship, I helped dad with paying for a flight I know I have decisions to make and from all your responses you're helping me so much.

Thanks again!

[jenniferjade]

I don't think you should make any rash decisions just yet. Having only met once, you shouldn't decide whether or not to live with him based on that one meeting. Things are so much different in person than they are over the phone, etc. And since your parents are being so unsupportive about it, it wouldn't be wise to make such a huge choice right now. Tell him you need more time with him, he needs to come visit you and meet your parents, before you make that big of a move. Because moving that far away from your family, especially when they wouldn't like it and especially when you've only met once, is a big sacrifice to make for him. You have to be absolutely sure it's what you want and if you have any doubt whatsoever, do not say you will do it just yet.

He can't expect you to make that big of a move for him when he has yet to visit you and experience your hometown with you. He has to meet your family and your friends first. It was real important for me and my SO that we did all of this before deciding who would move where. Just be careful and don't agree to anything that you aren't sure about just yet.