Setting Limits & Avoiding Temptation in a LDR

[Biscous]

Her and I've talked about this between each other. We let each other know we are going out since we aren't around each other. We make sure we call each other, let us know who we are with. I hardly go 'out' to a bar with the exception of coworkers from time to time. She might go dancing with friends and I'm cool with that. Of course there are other guys but she doesn't invite that sort of attention to guys.

What I'm referring to more is your own limits you set to avoid temptation in a LDR. I'm an avid gym rat. I love working out. Lately I can't help to notice attractive women at the gym. I've talked to one in particular, much older than me, but I'm just being friendly. I talk to other people in the gym on a regular basis. Sometimes I see her and I just ignore her because I'm in my workout, but I might do a friendly wave or acknowledgement. I can say that I am somewhat physically attracted to her, but I know my girlfriend is back at home and I have such a deep and complex relationship with her. In fact I believe I may marry her someday.

Still this lady is around I see her perhaps 2-3x a week. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don't. I was leaving today and she tagged me down as I was leaving to just talk to me. She's never done that. I was being friendly, we talked about a few things. She mentioned her age and I told her a bit about myself. We have some slight commonality. Cool.

I did the right thing here and mentioned my girlfriend and my situation. I felt good doing this. I set a limit. I'm just wondering how you all, especially men, do it. Men are definitely physical creatures and we see beautiful women all the time. In my work environment I see a few. One of my best friends at my job is a female. Totally platonic, although she is slightly attractive I admit. It is unavoidable to acknowledge that. I've noticed a woman or two take a little *extra* notice in me. Since I've been in m relationship I've quelled my flirting just to reduce jealousy, insecurity, and ultimately respect for my girlfriend, my partner.

Does anyone have any tips to avoid temptation when the temptation arises? I don't know if the woman at the gym was trying to feel me out or pick me up or just genuinely being friendly but it appeared that it was a bit more. It could be best to just avoid her more, keep the conversation where it is at, working out, etc. but there are other avenues where the opposite sex can creep in. I believe I do a great job at setting limits and barriers for my girlfriend and I to grow our relationship but I'm just wondering what others think.

[Dziubka]

Do you seriously believe that women don't see handsome men?
I don't like the sexist "men are visual and have needs"-mindset....

I see them all the time and I have my share of "if I were single..."-moments. I guess I don't really believe the "avoiding temptation" issue. It seems like you're worried, if you don't avoid attractive women, you might give in to them in a weak moment. But really, if you think you might give in if a hot woman makes a move on you, that doesn't exactly show commitment. Unless you live your live in a basement isolated from the outside world, you'll always have some kind of contact with attractive women. What you need to make clear to yourself is that you can only have one, either flings with attractive women OR your girlfriend. For me, it definitely doesn't let temptation arise in the first place when I think about it like that.
I had to go out of my way to avoid guys I found attractive, so I wouldn't give in to them in a weak moment, there would be something wrong in my relationship.o I wouldn't give in to them in a weak moment, there would be something wrong in my relationship.

[Zapookie]

I just simply don't. I don't get myself into situations where I'm faced with temptation. If I know there's going to be temptation, I remove myself from wherever it is. I don't even have those feelings towards other people, I only have eyes for my man. If a guy were to come on to me, it would be a flat out "no". I know for a fact that I come off really cocky to men who think they're all that and a bag of chips. My friends even ask me to get rid of guys who don't get the hint for them.

I'm not a bitch, I just don't want to give other men the wrong idea (because lord knows that a lot of men are terrible at picking up signals) and I'm good at saying no to them.

[Malaga]

You know best what impression you want to make when you talk to those other women. Be honest with yourself. What's your goal? Is it just a friendly conversation, or are you hoping they might fall for you? Are you trying to 'play' them? Is it the sort of conversation you could tell your girlfriend about, and are you comfortable picturing your girlfriend talking to another guy like that? When you're honest with yourself in that way, you'll know where the line is.

[Moon]

Learn and practice self-control, it's all you have to do. You won't die if you don't have sex with someone, it's very simple to just say no, if you love your girl and are committed fully to her, temptation shouldn't be a problem. Attractive people are everywhere, so what? You will always be around women, attractive or not, it doesn't mean that just because there are attractive ones that you have to act on it, you can appreciate beauty without feeling the need to posses it.

[Haley53]

I agree with Moon and Malaga, really. If you're having a conversation you could have in front of your girlfriend, you're solid, and there's a difference between appreciating someone's attractiveness and feeling boosted over the attention that they're paying you. Yes, men see attractive women, same as women see attractive men. Doesn't mean that we act on it, or even that we're tempted to. Doesn't mean that we put a heavy amount of focus on it either. To me, I would hate reading something like this from my SO. Yes, he sees pretty girls. It's not that I've never seen a pretty girl or an attractive guy! But neither one of us tends to dwell on it. It's one of those instances where something clicks, but it doesn't necessarily register. It's noticed, but it's not mulled over. I have never really currently had to set limits in my relationship and neither has he. We've both been prepared to at points, sure, and we would if it came down to it, and in past relationships, I have needed to, but we both know our own limits. We both trust ourselves to stick to them. That's what matters to the both of us, really, but neither one of us particularly feed off the attention of the opposite sex, so maybe we're weird.

[kiara_silver]

We've set our limits throughout the years that we've been together. We were exclusive from day one, and would talk about this topic here and there. He knows I would feel uncomfortable if he were out one on one with a female acquaintance, And such things, and he doesn't hide the way he talks in front of me. I know that im the only girl he wants. And for me I can honestly say i've never had this temptation, for one I don't put myself out there for it, but also he's all I want too. The times someone was interested in me, my SO was what was on my mind, lol and how i wish he were there. But overall me and my SO are devoted to just each other there's no temptation.

[Rugger]

I agree with everything that's been said here. If you feel temptation, remove yourself from the situation. If you think he's seeing you out, you need to let her know that you are off the market. That's my go to trick when being pursued by men. I let them know I have a boyfriend and normally, they back right off.

[Biscous]

You know best what impression you want to make when you talk to those other women. Be honest with yourself. What's your goal? Is it just a friendly conversation, or are you hoping they might fall for you? Are you trying to 'play' them? Is it the sort of conversation you could tell your girlfriend about, and are you comfortable picturing your girlfriend talking to another guy like that? When you're honest with yourself in that way, you'll know where the line is.

Good point. I was just being friendly. At work I do the same thing with women around me. Nothing terribly personal. I do like this mindset here.

Also I'm not after sex. I'm just being realistic and acknowledging I've seen other attractive women. Pursue it? No I'm loyal. It's funny because I almost come to a point where I am scared even entertaining that because I love my girl so much.

---------- Post added at 03:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:03 PM ----------

I agree with Moon and Malaga, really. If you're having a conversation you could have in front of your girlfriend, you're solid, and there's a difference between appreciating someone's attractiveness and feeling boosted over the attention that they're paying you. Yes, men see attractive women, same as women see attractive men. Doesn't mean that we act on it, or even that we're tempted to. Doesn't mean that we put a heavy amount of focus on it either. To me, I would hate reading something like this from my SO. Yes, he sees pretty girls. It's not that I've never seen a pretty girl or an attractive guy! But neither one of us tends to dwell on it. It's one of those instances where something clicks, but it doesn't necessarily register. It's noticed, but it's not mulled over. I have never really currently had to set limits in my relationship and neither has he. We've both been prepared to at points, sure, and we would if it came down to it, and in past relationships, I have needed to, but we both know our own limits. We both trust ourselves to stick to them. That's what matters to the both of us, really, but neither one of us particularly feed off the attention of the opposite sex, so maybe we're weird.

I just overthink a lot lol. Not that I necessarily dwell on it, but being in a long distance relationship is new endeavor for myself and the both of us. Both of us have a strong sense of security and respect for one another. Not saying I would ever act on it. I'm merely asking how do you all prevent this from happening.

Also I do a very good job of even avoiding those situations entirely.

[Deleted]

Personally, I've been only 10 months in my relationship so I can't say I've been tempted many times. Ever since I remember I've never been one to pay a lot of attention to people I'm not fond to, this is why I have very few (but very good) friends. So I appear really clueless to many people, when I go out with other girls, they point out plenty of attractive men that I don't even seem to notice. Doesn't mean I've never found anyone attractive, but there are very few cases.

So I can't talk on my own experience but I can speak about what I've seen. When I came to university, many people began to break up because they found someone else (close distance relationships). Most of them later felt repented of this because later on they found out they liked their ex's much more than these new people. As a friend of some of these people who broke up, I found it heartbreaking to see they just went for this "new" person. So I kind of feel like physical attraction, as well as some "clicks" you might feel when you first talk to someone, is more of a fascination rather than something real. Something "new" is always interesting and gives a strong attraction. Self control is what I do...or simply stay away from situations that may put you into this "danger".