LDR couples, how do you manage your time?

[artfuldodger]

hey everybody, i am not a regular here but i really need to know something from you lot in LDR

here is a quick brief: my girl went to study abroad 7000miles away, shes been there for 7months now ( she has been back once on her school holiday). time difference is 7 hours, which makes things a bit harder.

question : how do you manage your time? talking on the phone and web is the only thing we have. how do we make sure out convo time is not interrupted?
am i wrong to think that since we are both still studying, we need to try and manage our time very well so that everything is well balanced?
for instance,when its in the afternoon in my country(2pm-3pm), its in the evening in hers ( around 9pm-10pm). i try and put my school work on hold when i can afford to so that i can talk to her before she sleeps, but she is then doing her work at that time.as a result we don't talk that much because i refuse to talk to her while she is studying.so i just let her study instead. ( it sucks when her attention is divided).i think she could maybe sometimes do her work earlier on so that we can talk later on before she sleeps. is that too impossible? i understand it wont happen everyday ( i don't expect it to) but it should sometimes to keep us going.we only talk on the phone and online BUT we don't to get to see each other in person...
and on weekends she sometime spends her time just watching movies in the afternoon ( almost on every weekend) and then when i am awake and looking to talk to her she would be finishing her movie, then i would wait for her online, when shes done she jumps on to her books and then i think to myself that she could have done her books earlier on,( i don't expect this every time but at lest sometimes)
i know shes loves me to bits but i think she doesn't seem to take this time management seriously and its not giving us time to talk, and i also don't want to mention it to her because i don't want to come off as controlling.

any input from you guys will be appreciated
sorry if its too long,
and sorry for my bad English- hope you can make sense out of it.

[Belle]

its very important that you do tell her. you cant pretend every thing is ok and then just blow up one day from being annoyed so long. i know that you dont want to come off as controlling so just be careful in the way you word it. make sure she knows that you love and care about her a lot and that you are only trying to make sure you make time for each other. she must know how difficult it is when there is such a big time difference. maybe you can come up with a good time that you think would work or maybe even watch movies with her online. since its something she likes to do on weekends you can do it together. it'll give you time to see her on skype and something to talk about after its over. she has to be willing to make time for you at the best of both your convenience. I think everything will turn out good if you just express your concerns to her in the right way. you cant fix anything without telling her , i think. best of luck =)

[Zephii]

Hey, I'm from Australia and my boy is Canadian, so I know exactly what you're talking about with time management and dealing with time differences, and you might need to have another talk with her on how to manage it.

I was the person with the eariler time block, 5pm my time would be midnight Obi's time, 5am my time was 12noon for him.
Over the years we constantly adjusted to fit each other in.
When he was in vfx school his lunch break was at noon, so I'd make sure I was up at five to talk to him. Once he went back to what he was doing I'd work on housework or get my study done before I went in for classes at 9am. In the after noon I'd have free time to talk tohim, but dinner usually waited til he was fast asleep (we slept on skype every night ) so I would eat pretty late some nights. (Until I got a laptop, then I could cook and skype at the same time.)

Later, when I was working as a maid/nanny, I wasn't alowd to be up making noise at 5am, and I didn't finish "work" until 5:30pm, or later on bad days. That was harder to manage. I had a 18 month old in my care, work and part time study. Obi still had his schooling, and his hours by then were very long, because it was a two hour commute each way. But, I learnt that I could cook dinner while the baby had quiet time, I could study while he napped, and clean the house in between feeds and such. On Obi's part, he learnt to sleep less. I guess I did too, because when he got up for school it was 2am my time - but i'd still wake up and talk to him while he had breakfast and then he'd *tuck me back in*, I'd shut off the laptop and go back to sleep. And on his only true day off, he'd make sure he did everything he needed to before noon - before I woke up.

It doesn't always work, sometimes there just is no time, but if both people are dedicated, you will get plenty of time together. I actually found the time difference useful because of our different lifestyles. Had we not had a time difference, I wouldnt have been able to talk to him when he got home late at night, or any of that.
Talk to her, use what you do have to your advantage, and don't be afraid to do things together on skype but not actually be activly haveing a conversation. When you live with people, you dont talk all the time, sometimes you're in the same room doing different things.. you know? that helps include each other in your lives too.
Good luck

[artfuldodger]

hey guys thanks for your input
well i will have a talk with her, hope that goes well. the thing is that it gets so frustrating sometimes because i feel like i am just someone who happens to be in her life who she can just talk to whenever.
i am so in love with this girl, i will do anything to keep us happy

[lunamea]

I think you should tell her exactly that!
When I look at Zephii's example, I do think 7hrs is not that bad at all - my husband and me are 7hrs apart as well (I studied abroad as well ) and it usually works okay. It sucks when the evening is her study time (it is TV time for my hb, so I can empathize), but as I am a night owl when it comes to studying, too, I can understand your gf as well. I just can't get going with studying before evening, so I think to some extent, that has to be respected. There are lots of people who just study better in the evenings. Perhaps she could take a half-hour break from studying to talk to you a little and say good night, though? I'm sure you'll find a compromise!

Hey, I'm from Australia and my boy is Canadian, so I know exactly what you're talking about with time management and dealing with time differences, and you might need to have another talk with her on how to manage it.

I was the person with the eariler time block, 5pm my time would be midnight Obi's time, 5am my time was 12noon for him.
Over the years we constantly adjusted to fit each other in.
When he was in vfx school his lunch break was at noon, so I'd make sure I was up at five to talk to him. Once he went back to what he was doing I'd work on housework or get my study done before I went in for classes at 9am. In the after noon I'd have free time to talk tohim, but dinner usually waited til he was fast asleep (we slept on skype every night ) so I would eat pretty late some nights. (Until I got a laptop, then I could cook and skype at the same time.)

Later, when I was working as a maid/nanny, I wasn't alowd to be up making noise at 5am, and I didn't finish "work" until 5:30pm, or later on bad days. That was harder to manage. I had a 18 month old in my care, work and part time study. Obi still had his schooling, and his hours by then were very long, because it was a two hour commute each way. But, I learnt that I could cook dinner while the baby had quiet time, I could study while he napped, and clean the house in between feeds and such. On Obi's part, he learnt to sleep less. I guess I did too, because when he got up for school it was 2am my time - but i'd still wake up and talk to him while he had breakfast and then he'd *tuck me back in*, I'd shut off the laptop and go back to sleep. And on his only true day off, he'd make sure he did everything he needed to before noon - before I woke up.

Zephii, I'm awed by your and Obi's dedication!! I'm not sure I could do this over an extended period of time or that it would be worth it (if I'm tired, I'm cranky, so it might be counter-productive ) - the two of you are the best example that you can do anything with love and effort!

[Zephii]

*blushes* Thanks Lunamea, I think more likely we're the best example of how pathetic people in love can be haha.

[archangel]

My SO and I are 7985.05 miles // 12806.89 km apart and we have a 15 hour times difference in the summer and a 16 hour time difference in the winter. If ya wanna look at it a different way... we have an 8-9 hour time difference.

We have worked it out since Jan of this year our schedules to talk everyday in the morning for a few hours and in the night for a few hours. As for weekends we usually try to chat for 4 hours+ since are both free (for the most part).

Currently, with the 15 hour time difference...7 am in BC (where I am) is 10pm the next day in Malaysia and 10am the next day in Malaysia is 7pm the previous day in BC.
Since we both are in post-secondary... we know once September rolls around our chat time will severely decrease. Since I will be taking 5 courses (max load at my college) and my Megan most likely will be taking 7 courses for the program she is enrolled in. Our solution to this is... to go back to writing emails to each other. Since we started out by writing it is an easy transition for us not to mention we also write to each other everyday still.

For us, say one of us gets busy with assignments the other wouldn't ask them to come on skype knowing that it will take away from their much needed work time.
One thing for sure I would do, is talk to your SO about coordinating chat times/days so you know when you'll be able to talk and see each other and if something comes up... just message your SO or have them message you tell you what and when they will be able to chat to you next.
Good Luck!

AA

[agentholli]

I agree that you have to talk to her about it. I do understand your frustration....i sometimes feel like I am not important, and I think that might be what you are talking about...she needs to know that you need more time with her...she can study at different times in order to talk to you a little longer, that really isn't asking to much...in my opinion anyway. Good luck!

[artfuldodger]

again thank you for your replies, we have talked about it, it went kind of okay!
so hopefully she sees where i am coming from and changes her schedule wee bit..

[Swederica]

I understand. I'm 9 hrs away from my girlfriend.
We have found a system that works very well, so far it's getting harder the more time goes on. But we talk on my morning between 6-8 and my afternoon 4-430. That's really all we get from eachother. And just on MSN.
We try to call eachother as much as possible. Soon we'll get Skype-to-go and an unlimited subscription to that so we'll be able to talk much more.
On weekends we try to webcam as much as possible. But it's hard. It really is.

That's atleast how we do it.
Idk if it's to any help at all.
Anyway best of luck in your relationship.