When People Don't Realize That You're in an LDR

[carolynred]

So today I found out that sometimes its not obvious that I'm in a LDR or any kind of relationship because I'm not joined at the hip with some guy every time I walk across campus. A guy in my English class today asked me out on a lunch date. I only said two words to him ever, so we never had never really talked. I found myself kind of in shock because I didn't think a guy would approach me like that. I have a necklace that says "Carolyn and Jacob" engraved across the front, so I figured that would give it away, but not always I suppose. xD I just did not think that stuff like this was going to happen at all ever since Jacob and I went LD, but life is surprising like that.

For clarification, I asked the guy if he was asking me out on a "date date" and he responded with, "Oh you have a boyfriend don't you?". He seemed upset. I felt bad for hurting his feelings, but I only do dates with my SO after all. I would have been more than happy to grab a bite to eat as friends, but he wanted to be more than friends. I told him I was sorry and that I am in a relationship right now. He seemed to understand for the most part and we both laughed it off after awhile.

I just didn't expect for something like this to happen. Its no big deal, it just surprised me is all. My SO has reacted fine to the whole scenario, which I'm always thankful for. I figured it was best to get out of that "surprised" state and just tell the guy straightforward, even if it did hurt his feelings.

How about you all? Have you had a situation where you were asked out (or something similar) while in a LDR? How do you react to such events? Any advice you can give?

[kteire]

Ah yeah, it has happened on many occasions. I am not really a flirty person, but I am friendly and guys sometimes mistake my joking around as interest. I don't usually mention straight away that I'm in a relationship, because I find it's a bit presumptuous to think every guy is interested in me. If I can tell someone is paying me a lot of attention, I try to slip my boyfriend's name into the conversation before they say anything about a date (which I guess is hard if you've only ever said a tiny bit to each other!) or flat out apologise and say I have an SO if they do ask. It's a lot less simple at bars, and all my friends are single women looking to meet men haha.

[Engel]

When I was in Brazil and would go out, guys would try and .. erh.. get to know me better. like full of second intentions. like kteire:

I don't usually mention straight away that I'm in a relationship, because I find it's a bit presumptuous to think every guy is interested in me.

so when I noticed they wanted more as to be friends with me, I would say I had a boyfriend. sometimes that was enough. sometimes they would go: "oh, if you have a boyfriend, why isn't he here with you? if i had such a pretty girlfriend I wouldn't let her go out on her own"

and I would say he was in Germany. so it wasn't like he could go out with me in brazil whenever we wanted. but we were really much in love.

with the information I was in a LDR they would be all "oh, he is far away, Im here by your side!"

I mean, really? *rolls eyes*

now my SO and I got married, there is a wedding ring, and I havens had anyone flirt with me since we got married. but i don't go out often here in Germany, and when I do its usually with him, so its pretty clear Im taken. lol

In Brazil, when I go visit my family this august, if any guy try to approaches me like that, I will just show them my wedding finger. I guess that will be enough, or so I hope! lol

[megfashion]

hmm... for me its more they assume im going out with other guys....
for example in school i hang around with the best friend (a guy), which means we talk alot and generally are together. he is well and truly stuck in the friend-zone, mind.

ive had one teacher ask if we were together, not knowing i had a bf who was in *place*, and some other people thinking we are. its not that we are flirty, its just we are best friends :3

[Dauntedpoet]

How about you all? Have you had a situation where you were asked out (or something similar) while in a LDR? How do you react to such events? Any advice you can give?

It has happened several times over the 5 years. The first time it happened, I actually felt insulted! lol! I told my SO about it immediately. (He laughed at my indignation). I don't get caught off guard anymore, and I've become quite adept at dropping my name SO's name like napalm into ANY conversation no matter how short. "You know that happened to my boyfriend Ian..one time he..." or "Oh I went there last summer with my boyfriend Ian" or "lol, my boyfriend loves those". That isn't assuming they are interested, that's just making conversation. If I go out with single friends, someplace where conversation isn't always at the forefront.. I wear my fathers wedding band.

[Deleted]

I've been almost a year in my relationship and people get surprised when they hear me say it. I've never tried to hide it and I thought I was pretty obvious on having a boyfriend but it seems people *must* see you with your guy every day at every hour so they guess you are taken. I'm also one to not say right away that I'm in a relationship because it sounds presumptious, as if I thought I was super attractive and every guy who spoke to me wants something more than a friendship.

I'm a loner at school but it's not because I do not like people or because having my SO far away makes me sad and socailly awkward, it's just the way I am, I need space and peace to rest from studies and stress. I guess this loneliness makes people think I do not have a boyfriend :P

[digitalfever]

I think it's flattering and my goodness I'd eat up a situation like that. With that being said just let them know you have a boyfriend and you guys are exclusive.

[Kristin91]

hmm... for me its more they assume im going out with other guys....
for example in school i hang around with the best friend (a guy), which means we talk alot and generally are together. he is well and truly stuck in the friend-zone, mind.

ive had one teacher ask if we were together, not knowing i had a bf who was in *place*, and some other people thinking we are. its not that we are flirty, its just we are best friends :3

This! My best friend is a guy, and since we're hanging out a lot (he's single) everyone assumes we're dating. We've both had to correct people haha. But the people we're close to know we're just friends, and all my friends have met my SO and they all love him

[Ursa]

Yeah...it did happen to me too...sometimes they were nice and understanding, sometimes they were the jerks who say stuff like "what idiot would let a beautiful girl alone and go of somewhere" (which always annoys me...I see it as an attack on my SO and give them the 'freezing' shoulder...I hate it when not even my ring seems to keep them away)
I wear his ring on my left hand, and grandmas on my right, but somehow, only old ladies and sometimes other women seem to notice and ask if I'm married or engaged xD

[NYlovesFL]

Its happens alot to me...For one thing I have a lot of guy friends and my SO knows that.
Most of them are like brothers to me but, there are 2 or 3 that do like me.
I did tell everyone that I am in a LDR...some of my friends are okay with it saying that they will support me (but they think its stupid). The other 2-3 of them weren't too happy. One said that its whatever but, he is still my friend. The other said what the hell, how can you have a relationship with someone you never see, and the third one (joking around) said well until he moves here you are still my girl LOL.

[Engel]

It has happened several times over the 5 years. The first time it happened, I actually felt insulted! lol! I told my SO about it immediately. (He laughed at my indignation). I don't get caught off guard anymore, and I've become quite adept at dropping my name SO's name like napalm into ANY conversation no matter how short. "You know that happened to my boyfriend Ian..one time he..." or "Oh I went there last summer with my boyfriend Ian" or "lol, my boyfriend loves those". That isn't assuming they are interested, that's just making conversation. If I go out with single friends, someplace where conversation isn't always at the forefront.. I wear my fathers wedding band.

your father doesn't mind you wearing his wedding band? or he is divorced now and the ring is just sitting around? anyway, nice strategy!

[floridaellen]

This happens to me sometimes. It's flattering actually.
I see it from the other person's perspective - they were interested and it seemed like you were single. Just a mistake! I politely tell them that I have a boyfriend from my hometown but thanks anyway. If they continue pushing, I just leave the situation.
I wear a ring on my left hand ring finger (just a promise ring) though so I get hit on less now :P

[WakeUpSusie]

This happens to me sometimes. It's flattering actually.
I see it from the other person's perspective - they were interested and it seemed like you were single. Just a mistake! I politely tell them that I have a boyfriend from my hometown but thanks anyway. If they continue pushing, I just leave the situation.
I wear a ring on my left hand ring finger (just a promise ring) though so I get hit on less now :P

Exactly how I used to respond to those situations! I was always flattered, it's a nice compliment. I never really had a problem with anyone being for forward after they knew I had a boyfriend, which is lucky I guess.

[dukes2011]

I don't usually mention straight away that I'm in a relationship, because I find it's a bit presumptuous to think every guy is interested in me. If I can tell someone is paying me a lot of attention, I try to slip my boyfriend's name into the conversation before they say anything about a date

Couldn't have said it better myself. I like any small talk since I'm a friendly person and I'll literally talk to almost anyone. I try to work him into casual conversation if the opportunity presents itself. For example if a guy is talking about musicians I'll mention that my boyfriend is a musician. It was tougher when I studied in Spain though, because guys approached me more often. I'm American with blond hair and green eyes and I was tall compared to Spaniards, so I stood out like a sore thumb!

[lademoiselle]

Just one time did a stranger tried to hit on me since I've been with my SO, and it was when I was travelling on the Tube (London Underground) on the way back from visiting him. I was standing by a set of doors with my suitcase wedged behind my legs, arms folded, ankles crossed, with puffy eyes and messy make-up because I'd been crying on the Eurostar. I don't think my body language could've been any more repellant, but this man shuffled over and asked "have we met before?" I'm usually a pretty polite person, but I was so not in the mood to deal with unwanted attention that I simply glanced at him and snapped "I don't think so." I did feel rather guilty later about having been so short with him, although I'm sure he got over it within a matter of moments! Other than that though, it hasn't really been a problem for me. A few of the guys at college asked me during the course of an early group conversation if I had a boyfriend and I told them about my SO; my relationship status was never mentioned by them again