Sexting: Your Views On This?

[lucybelle]

Agree with everyone here. 15 and 19 is a big gap at that age. I'd be highly pissed if you were my daughter.

[Moon]

To be honest, if you were my kid and I found that you were sexting with a 19 year old stranger from the internet, after knowing each other only a month, I'd cut the text messaging off from your phone, seriously restrict your internet and secretly monitor everything you did on there. It might sound harsh, but that's what I'd do to protect you, even though that's not how it feels to you. I am a mom to a 23 year old daughter, and when she was a minor, I'd have done whatever I thought needed to be done, despite how she felt about it. If she did it again, and I found out, I'd check my state laws and see if I couldn't get the 19 year old guy arrested for it. So yeah, I actually think your mom is being easy on you

Keep in mind too, whatever you do digitally stays around forever. You've only known this guy a month, are you sure you trust him enough with everything you're sending to him, that no matter what he'll keep it to himself?

[NYlovesFL]

Coming for experience with something similar to this....Girl you're only 15, I know you are sick of hearing it but, its true. He is 19 and yes I agree with everyone else that for your age that is a gap espeically in the eyes of the law.

I understand that you care for him and might care for you but, for a 19 yr old guy to be hitting up a 15 yr old and sexting.... that is an issue. You said you're a Virgin...does he know that? Trust me it changes everything...

No one will probably agree with me on this but, again coming from experience...Sorry but, your mom had a right to see what was going on..only for the fact is that moms' don't do that unless they have already been tipped off or have that mom intuition going on and feels that something is wrong. Also if you want to go old school...you live under her roof and your under 18...your still a child.

Your mother wasn't snooping because she doesn't trust you, its more out of fear for you getting involved with a 19yr old guy that you never met. Now a days you really have to ask yourself...what does a 19 yr old want with a 15 yr old....

When I was 15, I met a 25 yr old man.... he was my friend's bf's friend. At 16 I started seeing him...my mom found out and she freaked...she ran sacked my room and i was grounded and I had to beg for my mom not to call the cops. i didn't listen to her and still starting to see him...when I was 18 we were offical (obviously because of the law) and my mom got to know him better and then we moved in together . I was married to him by 23 and divorced by 25. Now I kind of regrent ever hooking up with him to begin with...

There are alot of creeps out there, just watch yourself and be safe...that's what your mom wants too.

[Dziubka]

I still think snooping is wrong, even in this case.
If usmcgirl's mum was really scared about her, then there's a million other ways to go on about that. TALKING for one. Snooping and controlling doesn't actually seem like a solution to me. Usmcgirl seems like a smart girl, I guess if her mum had reasoned with her and tried to get to know the boyfriend (I think he lived something like less than 100miles away - she could even have arranged a meeting to see him in person), that would have been a lot more effective. Call me a naive hippie all you want, but I'm convinced that by reasoning reasonably parents get their point across a lot better than by banning and controlling things. Obviously the strict measures that the OP's mother took were far from successful.

I know for sure when I was 15 I was very careless on the internet. For some time I had a homepage and I had soo much personal information and even my phone number up there I never really did anything really dangerous, but in retrospective I definitely should have been more careful. My parents knew even less about the internet than me, so they couldn't really advise me on it either.
It's so important to really tell kids (and basically everyone, a lot of adults behave carelessly on the internetz as well), that whatever you put up might be up there forever or even if not, it could end up on 10000 hard drives of strangers. If you wouldn't want your neighbour, teacher, empoyee or cashier to know about it, DON'T post it on the internet. If you wouldn't be ok, with it being posted on your school/work's bulletin board, don't post it on the internet. Anything you wouldn't write on a postcard, don't write in an e-mail.

Obviously not everyone's a pedo-creep and the internet's a great tool to get to know people, you would otherwise never have met. But it's still important to remember that it's very easy to pretend to be someone else. Someone who pretends to be a 19yr old guy from the US, can actually be a 50yr old woman from Korea. Unless you've met them or seen them on cam, there's no way you can be sure.
I might have mentioned this somewhere here already, but on another form I used to go to, some girl pretend to be someone else for something like two or three years. She used to post A LOT of pictures and regularly talked to some of the members on the phone. It turned out that she had been stealing the photos from the facebook page of a girl she used to go to primary school with. For two years she didn't raise any suspicion, everyone thought she was legit.

[Killtrend]

You're 15. For the next three years, unless the age of consent is 16 where you live, you're putting that guy at a high risk for child pornography charges(sexting counts), endangerment of a minor, and a number of other laws i dont even know about, etc. God forbid you ever get dumb enough to send him a naked picture.

If I was your parent, taking away your contact would only be step one. I do not look forward to raising a kid these days.

[ChibiFelicia]

I totally get where Dziubka is coming from and i agree mostly. Except for the bit of getting to know the bf.....shes 15 and he's 19. Why would he even be dating a 15y/o? I know the age of consent here (the uk) is 16 but even thats wrong when you see adults (18+) dating a 16 y/o. I really dont agree with the consent age here but thats a totally diffirent topic.

My parents snooped and i dont agree with it but im glad they did. I was 14 dating a 21 y/o. It was so wrong and i got into a situation where it really screwed my teenage years.

So the sexting thing, i dont have a problem with it. But being 15 and doing that with a 19 y/o. Theres a problem.

[Haley53]

I'm not sure how effective talking would be. My mother talked to me about sexting etc. and it was still something I engaged in. I don't condone snooping, not at all, but on thinking about it, it's possible her mother felt caught up in a bind. I think I remember from blog posts that the mother was aware of how old he was and was convinced he was using her daughter for sex (I'll admit I was also worried about this when they decided to wait until she was 18 to meet, so she's legal) and did share these concerns with her daughter, if not all too effectively. It's possible that because her daughter continued to speak/engage with him, despite her warnings, she wasn't sure what else to do but look for evidence and act on it. I'm not trying to justify her mother's behaviour, or say it was the right thing to do, because I don't think that it was, but the more I think about it, the more I don't feel her intentions were in the wrong place.

Also, I agree with Moon in ways. The cops would have likely been called if it were me, so be lucky nothing that dramatic happened.

[temporaryuser]

Under Chapter 21 Article 43 Crimes against Public Morales, there are several situations you could find yourself committing criminal offenses against a minor (age 15) that have to do with nudity, sexual contact, sexual conduct, sexual excitement, even sharing certain types of movies, printed materials or any material where a reasonable person would find that the material or performance lacks serious literary, scientific, educational, artistic or political value for minors.
This bill would create a new crime of electronic solicitation defined to include communication conducted through the telephone, internet, or by other electronic means which involves enticing or soliciting a person whom the offender believes to be a child, to commit or submit to an unlawful sexual act. If the child is believed to be under 14 years of age, the penalty would be a level 1 person felony. If the child is believed to be 14 or 15 years of age, the penalty would be a level 3 person felony.

---------- Post added at 01:28 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:27 PM ----------

in other words, sexting at your age is illegal, and if your parents wanted to, they could press charges on him that would affect the rest of his life. You are treading on very shaky ground.

[Moon]

I'm not a big proponent of snooping at all, but what Eclaire said about her Mom feeling like she was in a bind is pretty good. Some parents feel they have the right to do whatever they want until their kid is 18, I know people who would go through their teens rooms weekly. I think that's a horrible thing to do and it causes a breach in the relationship that can be really long lasting. I also know too many parents who don't give a shit what their teens do, and they inevitably end up in some kind of trouble and the lazy parents are surprised. As a parent, there's a medium you have to find that works for you. I snooped my kid's stuff once, one time only, and it's because I got a call from a friend of hers that I really needed to check her purse. When she went into the shower that night, I did, and I found some weed and a pack of cigarettes. I'm sure her "friend" thought I'd go nuts on her over the weed, but she was wrong (I flipped my shit over the cigarettes though). After that call I was expecting something much more serious, like pills or meth or something horrible, I was sick until I could check it out. We talked about the weed, of course I said all the right, parental stuff about how it's not legal, it's damaging to your health, blah, blah, blah but I was probably a bit lax in my sincerity, since I've got nothing against it really, and think it's pretty much OK. The smokes were a totally different story though

Anyway, long story short, while my personal beliefs are that, in general, snooping is wrong and teens have some rights to privacy, sometimes it's unavoidable and you have to do it, no matter how distasteful it might be. I don't remember the OP's other posts at all, but it sounds like her mother already tried talking to her, and it didn't work Also, the OP is the one who forgot to sign out of her stuff on a family computer, her mom wasn't specifically trying to get this info, it was just there. If you aren't careful enough to hide your sex junk from the family PC, it makes me wonder what else the OP may have been careless about regarding this whole situation.

Let me say, I'm not disagreeing with anyone about the snooping issue really, but I am looking at it with her perspective of someone who has raised a teen, and it's just different on this side of the fence

[LeilaniJoi]

[ UhQUOTE=princessmeg1328;190145]If I was a mother, the main problem I would have with this situation is the fact that you're 15 and he's 19. It's not the age difference that would really bother me, but the fact that you're a minor and he's not. You need to be super careful about what you put on the internet. Even if you delete it, it never completely goes away.
Also, I agree with the others that it's not fair for your mother to have gone snooping through your stuff. Just be more careful with your email if you decide to continue sexting with your SO.[/QUOTE]

This.

[Sora1101]

I don't know if this is true for where you live but for me (I was 15 when I met my SO and he was 20) it is illegal for a minor to sext with a legal adult and in my state the legal age is 18. Sexting was defined by pictures, flirty messages, and role playing sex scenarios. While I do understand that you would like to do this with your SO you need to be educated on the laws on this topic for your SO's sake, if your state is like mine, sexting would class as a felony and your SO could potentially be sent to prison. You just have to wait it out or both of you could be in big trouble.

[usmcgirl]

Okay, it's kind of obvious I need to clear some things up.
Number one, I was raised in one of the worst parts of town. I do not trust a n y o n e. Yes, I trust him. Why? He goes to higschool with a very good friend of mine. She emailed me pics of his student ID, and assured me - several times - he was legit.
Number two, I've known him longer than a month. We've been talking about... 4? Maybe, maybe 5 months before we started dating.
Number three, consent laws in Kansas are 16. In 7 months and 5 days (Thank you Daisypath...) I will be of legal consent age. HOWEVER as a very kind person stated earlier, I am smart! Holyshit guys, I'm not actually having sex with the guy. Is he a total stranger? To some extent. Does that mean I'm going to go spread my legs in front of him and say "Woohoo, lets get it on." Hell. No.
Number four, he's sent me a picture, taken off of his damn phone. It's pretty obvious it wasn't on google. No, we haven't skyped because I don't have a webcam.
Number five, I am a lot more careful than a lot of you suggested. I understand your points, but just sayin', I'm pretty much considered a prude at my school. And for the love of God, yes he knows I'm a virgin!!!!
Number six, I appreciate all of your different views and please don't take this as me getting pissed off cuz you agree with my mom and not me. I'm not. I'm just annoyed at the moment, and probably getting ticked off easily because of it.

I still think snooping is wrong, even in this case.
If usmcgirl's mum was really scared about her, then there's a million other ways to go on about that. TALKING for one. Snooping and controlling doesn't actually seem like a solution to me. Usmcgirl seems like a smart girl, I guess if her mum had reasoned with her and tried to get to know the boyfriend (I think he lived something like less than 100miles away - she could even have arranged a meeting to see him in person), that would have been a lot more effective. Call me a naive hippie all you want, but I'm convinced that by reasoning reasonably parents get their point across a lot better than by banning and controlling things. Obviously the strict measures that the OP's mother took were far from successful.

I know for sure when I was 15 I was very careless on the internet. For some time I had a homepage and I had soo much personal information and even my phone number up there I never really did anything really dangerous, but in retrospective I definitely should have been more careful. My parents knew even less about the internet than me, so they couldn't really advise me on it either.
It's so important to really tell kids (and basically everyone, a lot of adults behave carelessly on the internetz as well), that whatever you put up might be up there forever or even if not, it could end up on 10000 hard drives of strangers. If you wouldn't want your neighbour, teacher, empoyee or cashier to know about it, DON'T post it on the internet. If you wouldn't be ok, with it being posted on your school/work's bulletin board, don't post it on the internet. Anything you wouldn't write on a postcard, don't write in an e-mail.

Obviously not everyone's a pedo-creep and the internet's a great tool to get to know people, you would otherwise never have met. But it's still important to remember that it's very easy to pretend to be someone else. Someone who pretends to be a 19yr old guy from the US, can actually be a 50yr old woman from Korea. Unless you've met them or seen them on cam, there's no way you can be sure.
I might have mentioned this somewhere here already, but on another form I used to go to, some girl pretend to be someone else for something like two or three years. She used to post A LOT of pictures and regularly talked to some of the members on the phone. It turned out that she had been stealing the photos from the facebook page of a girl she used to go to primary school with. For two years she didn't raise any suspicion, everyone thought she was legit.

Thank you! Very much.

[Moon]

Hey, don't get mad at us, you asked! When you ask a question in an open forum, you need to realize you may not get the answers you want to hear.

[rach92g]

I was sexting with my SO when I was 14; he of course was ready to become sexually active before I was, and we waited 2.5 years after we started dating to become sexually active; I was 17. Looking back now I am glad that we waited so long, and I see nothing wrong with sexting.

From your mother's point of view, I can see why she reacted the way that she did. As I get older, I am currently 19, I start to put myself in my parents' shoes more often and I try to think like they do. I think about how I would feel if my child were doing the same things that I am now and how I would react to certain things. It really helps to understand why parents have certain rules and why they react so harshly to some things. I think your mother is doing what any normal parent would do. I can totally understand both sides of this issue.

Just try to think like a mother; it may help you to understand what is going on in her mind. Parents worry about their children because they have been a teenager before, I know it can be hard to think about your mom being a teen, but they really do understand what we go through and they are just trying to protect us from making mistakes. Your mother is probably thinking that since you are so young and you have never met this person then the relationship won't last, so she just doesn't want you to give up your virginity to someone that is not going to stay by your side. I'm not in any way saying that the relationship will not last because mine has lasted since I was 14. Your virginity is just something that you should treasure, so many people give it up to the wrong person. Personally, I wish my SO and I had waited until marriage because it does cause some issues and makes it easier to do it with someone else.

Like I said, I completely understand both sides of the issue and I hope I have helped you in some way. Good luck!

[usmcgirl]

Hey, don't get mad at us, you asked! When you ask a question in an open forum, you need to realize you may not get the answers you want to hear.

A quote from my previous post... VVV

Number six, I appreciate all of your different views and please don't take this as me getting pissed off cuz you agree with my mom and not me. I'm not. I'm just annoyed at the moment, and probably getting ticked off easily because of it.