I think i should end it.? =/

[dglynn77]

If you've browsed around the forum, you'll see that in normal, honest, open relationships, we cannot wait to see each other. It's kinda what we all live for almost

Truth.

[Engel]

People lie online (also in real life, but online is easier)! I go to a jewelry forum, and a woman went there, started to post a lot, told a sad story about how she is a mother and grandmother but lives alone... how her daughter has cancer and is pregnant, so she doesn't know if the baby will go full term or not, and if her daughter will survive or not... and had a sister. whom amazingly got online at the same time as her, and they had long talks in the threads.

ok, we found out she is a scammer. she managed to scam more than 6 thousands from the canadian government in financial aid lying... she sells things to people, gets the money and doesn't send. so on so forth. so yes, she looked really nice, interested with us and we connected with her for her sad story about her daughter having cancer, because many people suffered with the loss of someone they loved to cancer already or other terminal disease so we can relate.



sorry to say, but i think she is lying to you and isn't who she tells you she is. specially with the only saw one picture of her thing. and the fact she doesn't want to see you in person.

so, I'm really really sorry, but people lie. i think she is lying to you.

[kiara_silver]

It really does sound suspicious. Like everyone else said i think it's fishy too. If my SO could only be less than 2 hours away, we would find some way to see each other ASAP and often too. I can't think of a good reason why she wouldn't want to meet you. Even if she's scared. I was so nervous about meeting my SO for the first time, all these what if's and such, but there was no way anything would keep me from seeing him, and then i was supposed to go a day without seeing him. One day out of the 2 months, and the thought of him just a hour away and not being able to be near him, i cried when i got home lol So for her to finally have the chance and not jump at it looks a bit strange.

If no meeting I wouldn't feel comfortable in this relationship any more without some sort of skype chat/date and more reason to why not other then i dont have a job. If your only less than 2 hours away she doesn't need to pitch in and help pay, so she can't really use that as a excuse.

[Lizzie2579]

I think it sounds suspicious too, I agree with what others are saying but maybe its not that she is deliberately lying and doesn't want to see you. Maybe she really does want to see you but she is nervous because maybe like you say the photo was fake or she has put on weight or maybe she is worried about you meeting her family etc so close to her mothers death. If I was you I would try to find out what the problem is rather than end it. It might be somethig really silly that you could put her mind at ease about.
I must say I think its a little strange you have only seen one photo in a year, why haven't you spoken on webcam yet? Are you friends with her on facebook? Can't you see more there. It really sounds as though this might be the problem. Everything is so woderful and romantic over the phone then suddenly you might be meeting and maybe she is worried you wont like her or be physically attracted to her and it will all end. Thats what it sounds like to me anyway! Good luck with it all!

[MeganK]

Thats a little weird if she doesnt want to meet when ur gonna be so close to her.. id be careful about this..
she might be playing u as well... she could have a bf or a husband or anything... id be careful...

[Joshmiller]

Update:

So she sent me a letter when she got home from class tonight.. She said with all that’s going on, Her losing her mother and not having any money that she is lucky that spring break is this week because she wouldn’t have money to even get to school if it wasn’t. She said she feels like a failure and that she misses her mother so much. (She has a lot of built up anger about it.) She said in the letter that she loves me with all of her heart and don’t want to lose me but now Is just not a good time. Telling me that most days she don’t even feel like getting out of bed because of the sadness and anger she has about the whole thing. She also went on to say that if I wanted out, She understood and wouldn’t blame me. She said how could she with how fu**** up she is. (Her words not mine).
After I got the letter I called her up and I was trying to talk to her, tell her that she was not a failure and sometimes we get the short end of the stick. She was in tears. She got very emotional and was crying pretty hard. Saying that she don’t want to lose me but right now is too soon. That she don’t want me to see her like this. She seems to really feel like she is failing at life. I was doing all I could to talk to her and try to make her feel better. Right now I think I need to just drop it all, Give it some more time. It’s only been 3 months since she lost her mother and some people take time. And it does feel like I’m making an excuse, And there is always a chance she is just someone messing with me. But I don’t want to believe any of that. She seems to real to not be, If that makes any since. I’m going to give it one more month. Be there for her and let her know she can talk to me or even cry if she needs too. And after that I’m going to tell her that I love her, but I cant go on anymore without meeting her. The only reason I’m doing this is because when I lost my mother I felt the same way, and a relationship was the last thing on my mind.

Thoughts?

[Moon]

OK, give her some more time then. What you need to do though is set a time limit in your head, it's important that you're not stuck waiting forever. Decide what you're willing to take and see what happens. Just be smart about it, just in case things aren't exactly as they seem.

[yayagrl]

I wanna say something that no one else has. I think you should take this job opportunity regardless of whether you get to meet her or not. I understand you love her and you guys have been talking for a year, but sounds like a first meeting isn't the issue here. I understand that she has lost her mother, but I think you need to address why you've only seen on picture of her. Why you guys haven't cammed yet or something. I've been talking to my SO for almost a year now and I've seen multiple pics of him, we've talked on skype and we're facebook friends. He has recently lost his uncle and even came close to losing his house, but with all that going on if I told him that I was going to be in the same state as him, much less an hour and a half away he would jump to the moon at the opportunity. I know losing your mom isn't really the same as losing an uncle, but a loss is a loss to me. Well depending on how close your relationship was with that person. Anyway I would talk to her about the issues and get to the bottom of it and then I would take the job opportunity regardless of whether you would meet her or not because it's a good opportunity and I think it'd be a nice experience. If you don't get to meet her during your time there then you can decide what to do after that.

[Haley53]

I'm currently very ill so I'm not coherent enough to write a long response, but I do want to add that in the event it is true about her mother's passing, it's possible that plays into her behaviour. My boyfriend ended it with me soon after reality hit after his mother's funeral, and though we were never really "broken up," it took about a month and a half or so (maybe two months) before we reinstated the labels. It took him about 4-5 months before the angry phase of his grief, which put a lot of strain on our relationship, passed completely. The death of a parent, especially depending on their relationship, can change someone completely. Temporarily, but still completely. I saw it in my mother and in my partner.

I agree with Moon, though. I put a time limit of 5-6 months as to how long I would put up with my boyfriend's behaviour. I didn't expect his grief to end in that time, but I did expect for him to start putting in more effort to our relationship. Despite not telling him this, the time limit worked out to be about right. I do think the time limit was important for sanity's sake, however.

[Bethypoo]

There's something wrong if you've been together a year and she doesn't want to meet, that's just not normal. Honestly, it feels like she's hiding something and I think I'd insist on meeting as soon as possible or the relationship would have to end Sorry about that.

If you've browsed around the forum, you'll see that in normal, honest, open relationships, we cannot wait to see each other. It's kinda what we all live for almost I really think if she refuses to meet, there's not much of a reason to keep this going. You need to ask yourself how much time you're willing to waste waiting around for what might never happen. Good luck.

I agree with Moon. I mean, I understand that maybe at first she was surprised that you would get to meet and yes it is nerve wracking. However, like everyone has said the desire to be with one another should our weigh that fear.

Do I think you should call of your relationship? NO. Do i think you should be worried? YES. There is something going on and you need to take a step back. Communicate your feelings about her reaction. Go to the job training. Let her know where you will be. If she goes then great. If not, then you may be right and it may be time to move on.

[Kiyama]

I understand your situation and your frustration. However, your girlfriend has lost her mum and that's not something you can get over so quickly, if ever. This is something that shakes the pillars of your world. I know that because a very close friend of mine lost her mum over a year ago and it tok a very long time and a lot of patience from her boyfriend to find her way again. There had been a huge burden on the relationship before she passed away because she suffered from cancer and they were often very close to breaking up and also because he said he couldn't take it anymore. Which is understandable but he stayed strong and they walked through all that and now they are engaged and to be married in October.
So I suggest you give her time. Be patient. Be strong for her because now she can't be. Having said that I fully understand you can't go on like this forever. You can get through this but there are no guarantees. It's a tough situation

[Joshmiller]

Thanks to all of you. This is hard. But whih her losing her mother i do understand It has happen to me also. It hurts.
Her mom had cancer too. So the whole time we have been together she has been worried and upset. We both agree that when we meet we were not looking for what we found in each other. We were both trying to have fun and get away from the stress of life. But then we got close. I have had a lot of nights that i didn't sleep thinking about her or worried about her. We have never really had a fight but the times with her mom being sick have been hard on me too. Nothing like what she is dealing with but it has put a strain on our relationship. I would never say anything and still don't because i know how it hurts. And having someone to talk to that you love and trust can sometimes be the only thing to pull you out of it.

After reading what i have posted and thinking on how i felt when i lost my mother. That puts stress on any relationship. Even if its not a LRD. I'm going to give her some more time and be there for her. That's all i can do really. I want to believe that this is the reason for everything that's going on and it makes good since that it is. I have to live my life too, So i can't wait forever. Before all this we talked a lot about meeting in may, After school. So I'm going to hang in there till then. (Unless something crazy happens) But when may comes, rather she has the money or not I'm going to insist on a meet. I have no problem spending every dime in my savings account to spend 2 days with this girl if that's what it takes. So once may comes around hopefully she will be up for it. if not, then i have to get out i can't keep putting myself through this. I am going to tell her where I'm staying when i go to FL for work. So maybe once I'm so close she will feel the need to drive out and see me. If not, I'll wait till may, but no longer. I love her so it's hard to think that something could all be a lie.


I want to thank all of you, All of your advice has really helped me. It's people like all of you that make this a great word.

[Larvitar]

Definitely something odd is going on.

Just ask her what is it that makes her so afraid, maybe it is just the fact that meeting you makes things real and she is insecure...

[BabyDimples]

It sounds as though there's some reason that she's panicking... That doesn't nececarily mean that it's a bad reason. Maybe she's just really nervous to meet, or that, like you said, she might look different to what you are expecting and she is afraid of how you will react and that you might reject her. Give her time, try and talk to her about it. Don't force her to decided on a meeting straight away. It will only add un needed pressure to your situation and to her decision.