The Friends of your SO

[kteire]

I'm very good friends with a lot of my SO's friends. I lived and hung out with a bunch of them before I even met him!
His best friend and I get along well enough, but I wouldn't say he's my favourite person. The last time I saw him he criticised the fact that I don't know as much about games as he does, and want to be a game programmer, and he also used a lot of racial slurs. I was very very unimpressed. He seems to like me well enough, but I have zero respect for him.

[Zephii]

I think you're asking too much of them too soon. Remember that they may like you just fine, but that girlfriends do threaten the 'tribe' a little bit. Take an interest in them and reach out?
I think we all take advantage of our friends a bit, and unless it's hugely one sided or starts interfereing with the relationship it's best to let it slide.

My SOs friends knew about me long before they met me. I know at least one of them thought I was just going to break his heart again, and that we'd never be a real couple. That aside, they were flawlessly nice to me.
I can spend non-awkward time alone with any of his guys, and we have fun together. It's great. They will never replace my friends though, so being in Canada is always difficult, but it's great to know there are people I can hang out with and talk to.

There are really only two people in Obi's life I can not stand. They are this guy he met over the net and plays games with - who's actually in my country, but a different state - this guy is a complete douche. I don't even like being in the house if Obi is talking to him. And his sister, of course

[DollOnAMusicBox]

I love his friends, with the exception of like 1. His best friend from uni is one of the most awesome people, and his gf likes me too, so we're a great double date group. (They were as excited as I was the day we went out). His friends from Uni were also the first to know about me and realize I wasnt a creepy online in the basement type. So when I went out to visit they took to me well, because there was a little background. I felt like I fit right in. The bestie mentioned above was a member of my site alpngside my SO and continues to work closely on it still...bringing his gf! I have no problem calling them uncle and auntie of our children someday.

[AEAS]

My SO's friends all seem really nice to me. I've never met any in person and I've never really talked to any of them much so I don't know much about them. I met my SO's friend Sebastian pretty much the exact same time I met him. We've never really talked though, just a few sentences. I REALLY love my SO's friend Esmireli.. I don't know why... She's just really sweet and sisterly. Unfortunately, she only speaks Spanish and I only speak a tiny bit of Spanish. We've only spoken twice, but it was really fun both times! One of the things i'm really looking forward to when I finally get to see him is meeting his friends.

[rach92g]

I still have not met my SO's friends in person, at least none of the ones that he has in California. I still live in our hometown in Georgia and we have a lot of mutual friends here that we hang out with, but I have not been to California to visit so I haven't met the friends he has made down there. They all seem to be pretty nice. I've talked on the phone to a few of them. They always ask him how I'm doing and when I'm going to come visit. I am hoping to go out there in December and I will meet them then, that is exciting.

In his group of friends there is one girl (besides this other girl that is dating one of the guys in their group) and she bothers me. She has a boyfriend that is not in their group of friends and she seems to think it is okay to hang out with this group of guys where she is the only girl and her boyfriend is never there. She even starting "talking" to my SO's best friend while she is still dating her boyfriend, and I just think that is wrong. If there was any friend that I could get out of his life in California, it would be her. But other than that I like his friends and I am excited to meet them. I'm sorry about your rotten experience with your SO's friends, maybe your relationship with them will get better with time.

[Malaga]

Yes, people often have this mental barrier when it comes to language. You feel too exposed, like you're in the spotlight and everyone's just waiting for you to make a mistake. And you're unable to express yourself well. Some people feel it more strongly than others. My parents have that problem a lot of the time around my boyfriend. Even though they speak and understand English quite well, when I'm around they rarely address my boyfriend directly. Most of the communication goes through me. "Ask him if he had a nice trip." "Ask him if he'd like more soup." etc. They really like him but they're just shy or lazy, I don't know. I kinda like it since I get to filter out most of the embarrassment they'd otherwise subject me to..

Did you tell your SO about how you feel? How did he react? He's your link to them so he could make more of an effort to engage you in a conversation with them, he knows what your common interests are which would really help.

My boyfriend's friends are fun to hang out with, they're all friendly and easy-going and I never felt uncomfortable in their company. But I know a lot of them are downright douchebags when it comes to girls, they're womanizers, cheating on their partners etc. Also, he's been betrayed by a few of them on a few occasions - one of his friends slept with his ex right after they broke up (and probably before too). This guy is still his close friend! TBH, I think he's too good for them, and even though they've known each other since childhood and have good banter together, I don't think he can trust every one of them. But I know better than to come out and say it.

[Deleted]

I get along a lot with the friends he left here when he moved. They are among my best friends too and they listen to me when I need help, they've become my true friends too.

On the other hand I do not know his current friends...none of them. I know their names but I've never talked to them. For some reason I do not like them much... first of all is the fact that most are girls and the other reason is that the guys he gets along with are very hmmm "open minded" meaning they say they approve people being on drugs and stuff. I really hope they do not make him get into them :/

[usmcgirl]

I've never met any of his friends but he was talking to one of his buddies (Brandon.. I think...) while he was texting me and they were talking about me xD So now Brandon wants to meet me. As far as I know, he's the only one who knows about me, to a full extent. Anthony's other friends just know he's got a girlfriend in Salina.

[dukes2011]

We started out CD so we know almost all of our college friends. Many of them are mutual friends too, so that helps us keep in touch with them. We know most of each others friends from our hometowns and he's met my friends in NY too. I'd say he probably know my NY friends the least since most of them only come to campus for class and he's only here on weekends. All of our friends will ask us about each other, so that's a good feeling.

[frompanthertomustang]

His two best friends in college are awesome. I've met them both and I definitely hit it off with them. They're very sweet guys! He has a few friends on his floor and on the floor above him that I'm not particularly fond of, just because we are very different people. I'm really not much of a partier/drinker, but when I first came to visit, they were all drunk and trying to get me to drink. I felt so awkward trying to assimilate into the group within the next couple of days after that. I also didn't want them to think I was a super-prude or a frigid bitch or anything like that, so I tried to just stay away from them for the most part. My boyfriend gets along with everyone and can adapt to any kind of social situation, while it is much harder for me to hide who I really am... especially in college partying situations. I'm sure they're really nice (he said that after I left, they kept saying how nice I was) but I really didn't want to look stupid or pretentious in front of them.

On the flip side, he is so incredibly great with all of my friends! They adore him. So that's pretty great!

[Moon]

On our first visit, we went up to Lapland for 5 days with a couple my guy's friends. As the date was getting closer, we realized that we had no idea if they spoke English Raine assumed they could speak English, since almost all Finns can, but they are VERY shy about it. He realized he had no idea about any of his friends English abilities are as, and this is the important part, they don't ever use it when they're together, they're Finnish after all!

My point is that even though all of his friends can speak English, they very rarely ever do, and even after many visits, are still shy about it. When we're all out somewhere, they start out in English, but after a few drinks, all slip right back into Finnish. Sometimes I do feel left out and a little forgotten, but they aren't doing it on purpose, or being self-absorbed, they just forget. I am in their country and if I want to be more involved, I need to improve my language skills, not them. I also understand that because they don't speak English often, it's not an easy thing for them to do all night, and it gets tiring for them and me after a while, they struggle for words and I try figuring out what they're trying to say. It's not that they don't make an effort, they totally do, but it's just natural to slip back into your native tongue when you're in a group of people who are also native speakers.

Don't feel so insulted, they aren't trying to make you feel unwelcome, they're just doing what they always do. Remember, you're just their friend's girlfriend, they'll try including you, but you can't really expect them to be thinking about you 100% of the time. If you want to be more involved, you need to learn to speak their language. I know that's easier said than done, Finnish is damn near impossible, but you've got to show an equal effort, otherwise you might come off as some kind of snobbish princess to them.

International LDR's have special challenges sometimes and language can definitely be one of them. Good luck.

[Dauntedpoet]

Well I've only met one of my SO's best mates. He really doesn't see them that often only once every couple months. The one friend I met over lunch, it was awkward, she's been his friend 20 years, spent the entire time excluding me, my SO went out of his way to include me, but she ignored me. I didn't mind, I wasn't impressed. From her behavior i would guess she doesn't like me. His family is very nice to me... that is nice.

I lost my best friend because she hated my SO. I understood she had seen all the pain I went through, but she only saw him when he was here with me, and we were happy, she never saw his pain. She refused to believe he was doing anything but using me. I tried for years to make our friendship work, but she could do nothing but bad mouth him. So I saw her less and less until we now have rare contact, and when we do the first thing she asks is if I am still with him. He's been in my life 14 years!!! GET OVER IT!!

[lademoiselle]

I met my SO's closest friends (five guys) the last time I went to Paris; they came out for dinner with the two of us. All of them speak English to varying degrees, but only one of them seemed confident enough to make proper conversation! As for me, I felt so self-conscious about my French that I didn't dare do much more than order my dish in the language Talk carried on in French for most of the evening with my SO translating parts in English so I could be included - from what I gathered though a lot of it was typical lad talk, so I think they were rather relieved I couldn't follow everything, haha Luckily my boyfriend's mates are very friendly people, so although we couldn't really communicate I still felt very much involved and had a great time.

[Larvitar]

his friends are great and we have a good relationship in fact since my bf left we have hung out from time to time

[NYlovesFL]

When my SO moved out of state he has not met any new friends...so he has none where he is.
On the other hand with my friends I don't think my SO is too thrilled with them.
Mostly because most of my friends are guys and tend to act very protective over me. My SO thinks that one or 2 are okay but, the others he gets kinda jealous over..asking if there is any competition he has to worry about.
I explained that my guy friends are like that because of much pain my ex boyfriend has recently put me through and they don't want me to get hurt again. Plus my guy friends are either brothers to me or best friends...
I think it would be different if SO actually visits but, that's how it is so far. My friends don't think this LDR is a good thing...they really haven't gotten to know my SO too well and they aren't that thrilled with him either...
Doesn't look good...