Falling Apart. :(
My boyfriend and I closed the distance this October, in our own little apartment with our four cats, here in Delaware. Unfortunately, right after we had made the deposit and all (a few months before October) he had been offered a 2nd semester teaching at University of Central Florida. He taught the class last year as part of his Master's degree, and this year they offered to let him teach it again, but for pay.
So this class is 1x per week, on Wednesday nights, and that's it. So he kept his room he was renting in this house down there, and he's also paying rent up here in Delaware. So he mostly still lives in Florida, and every 2-3 weeks he comes back up to Delaware and lives with me for 5-6 days.
It's really really hard.
I don't have very many friends. I do have one friend that lives down the street from us, and I go hang out at her apartment a lot, and we go to the gym together. My best friend lives all the way in Amarillo, Texas, so I don't get to see her. I work four ten-hour days per week. Tuesdays through Thursdays I sit at home, by myself. I basically don't leave the house on those days except to go pick up ingredients for meals at the grocery store across the street. Sometimes I get manic and bake the entire kitchen into a cookie. Marc is my best friend and I love spending time with him but it's just so hard for me. It seems like he has a ton of friends. He hangs out with them a lot.
And for the next two weeks he's back in Brazil with his family, and I can barely talk to him. I was a mess for the past few days, just crying at everything. I'll sit in my car and just cry, cry at my desk, cry myself to sleep. I'll say things I don't mean to him and avoid him because it's easier to just not talk to him, but I don't want to do that. I want him to be here with me because I love him. I get jealous of his friends because they get to spend so much time with him and they get to see him. He's everything to me.
Sorry for spilling my guts here, I just really need someone to talk to. I don't understand why I am the way I am.
So this class is 1x per week, on Wednesday nights, and that's it. So he kept his room he was renting in this house down there, and he's also paying rent up here in Delaware. So he mostly still lives in Florida, and every 2-3 weeks he comes back up to Delaware and lives with me for 5-6 days.
It's really really hard.
I don't have very many friends. I do have one friend that lives down the street from us, and I go hang out at her apartment a lot, and we go to the gym together. My best friend lives all the way in Amarillo, Texas, so I don't get to see her. I work four ten-hour days per week. Tuesdays through Thursdays I sit at home, by myself. I basically don't leave the house on those days except to go pick up ingredients for meals at the grocery store across the street. Sometimes I get manic and bake the entire kitchen into a cookie. Marc is my best friend and I love spending time with him but it's just so hard for me. It seems like he has a ton of friends. He hangs out with them a lot.And for the next two weeks he's back in Brazil with his family, and I can barely talk to him. I was a mess for the past few days, just crying at everything. I'll sit in my car and just cry, cry at my desk, cry myself to sleep. I'll say things I don't mean to him and avoid him because it's easier to just not talk to him, but I don't want to do that. I want him to be here with me because I love him. I get jealous of his friends because they get to spend so much time with him and they get to see him. He's everything to me.
Sorry for spilling my guts here, I just really need someone to talk to. I don't understand why I am the way I am.
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