sad...what i have to do to see him.

[Engel]

wow engel...don't hold back. my son is very well taken care of. not having money for food is a bit of an exaggeration. my son is also 17 not 5, he has a job and is very independent. I found your reply a bit on the harsh side. i was looking for positive support. If I want to know what a horrible mother i am I will visit my own mother who feels i am a failure. I raised a child on my own from the time i was 18 and he is a wonderful caring supportive person who has never been deprived of any of life's joys. please think before you blast someone about their ability to raise and care for a child. My child is anything but resentful, in fact the only thing that keeps him going is knowing we are getting out of this hell hole that we live in (not the house i bought when i was 26 the narrow minded religious zealots we are surrounded by here in "Gods" country). With the downfall of the American economy everyone I know has taken a huge financial hit and the part of the country i live in was hit very hard. i will have much better prospect in california and am already talking with people about possible career opportunities. I found your post offensive and overly harsh. Please read what you write before you post, people are here for support and encouragement not to be made to feel worse.

I am terribly sorry it sounded like this, really, so I'm asking for you to forgive me because that wasn't my intention. I think i came like this because I saw something like this happen to a friend of mine, her mother got envolved in a relationship, and even though they weren't ld, she spent a lot of money to keep up with the guy, and spent almost all her money because of him. and my friend was always in necessity per say. so I'm really sorry i projected the story i saw before in your situation. again, my fault, and i was really wrong on the choice of words I used.

[Zephii]

I only skimmed, so if I missed something, that's why, BUT
1) - Engel, her kid is a bloody adult, or near enough to it. He can likely find his own damn food. Chill.
2) I feel I've been misquoted or something, I suggest less frequent visits for Andi so she can use the money on HERSELF, for her own mental and emotional wellbeing, so she can do something fun and not for any other reason. I'm sure a smart adult woman doesn't need financial advice from us, likely she's been doing just fine for longer than half of us on this site have been alive.... but the thing with mums tends to be that they get so in the habit of looking after everyone else and making sacrifices that they forget they matter too.
I think that it's important for a person to look after their wellbeing all the time (and leasure has a huge impact on wellbeing), not wait in the dark for a few patches of happiness, but I figure she might somehow feel guilty if she doesn't visit as often as she can, might feel that she's letting herself and her SO down if she's not giving the relationship her "all". I'm saying that isn't the case and she needs to be a bit more selfish with her meager income. A date for CTD is set, it's going to happen anyway, so taking that time and money for herself to be happy while the days pass by would do little to no harm.

Nothing I said had anything to do with making a better home for her son - because he's an adult and if he doesn't like what his mum spends her money on, he can step into the big wide world and look after himself. Just to be clear and all

[Andi]

I am terribly sorry it sounded like this, really, so I'm asking for you to forgive me because that wasn't my intention. I think i came like this because I saw something like this happen to a friend of mine, her mother got envolved in a relationship, and even though they weren't ld, she spent a lot of money to keep up with the guy, and spent almost all her money because of him. and my friend was always in necessity per say. so I'm really sorry i projected the story i saw before in your situation. again, my fault, and i was really wrong on the choice of words I used.

It's no problem. We have all said things and didn't mean it the way it came out. Forgiven and forgotten. I really love this site. This LDR thing is really difficult. i often need a reality check and I always get it here. Have a fantastic night!!!!

[Engel]

I only skimmed, so if I missed something, that's why, BUT
1) - Engel, her kid is a bloody adult, or near enough to it. He can likely find his own damn food. Chill.

I just apologized to her in the post before yours. I have strong feelings because I saw a good friend go through a situation that I thought was similar, as I explained in my last post.
sorry again for what I wrote. you don't need to defend her, i admitted i was completely wrong in the way i answered and that i should not have said what i did.

---------- Post added at 12:21 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:19 AM ----------

It's no problem. We have all said things and didn't mean it the way it came out. Forgiven and forgotten. I really love this site. This LDR thing is really difficult. i often need a reality check and I always get it here. Have a fantastic night!!!!

thank you, hope you have a good night as well!
and sorry again for what I said.