Not sure whats going on

[Killtrend]

So things were going along good. The usual slow pace my SO likes. In less than 2 months I'm supposed to see her, and she promises me thats when "she'll show her feelings more." As you know, I've known her 12 years and just now we are trying to make this thing work. Well, out of nowhere last night she broke character and didn't say goodnight. The morning comes and goes, and she doesn't say good morning. Again, out of character. I text her some random day events as it progresses and at 4pm I send her a message along the lines of "where have you been?"

At any rate, I've been hurt before. Very distrustful. She knows this. I ask her to try and text me more than the few times she does throughout the day, just to make me smile and or ease my LDR woes. Out of an act of desperation, I open up an iphone texting program with a random number and ask for "maria". Some random girls name. She immediately replies "wrong number."

So... Shes at her phone and ignoring me. I went back through the messages, events and last conversation in my head. I gave her no reason to be even the slightest bit annoyed. So I called. She let it go to voicemail. I'm getting the cold shoulder and I don't know why.

I guess my own advice to myself would be to just wait it out. See what she eventually comes up with. A lie about a broken phone, or a legitimate reason why she wasn't answering. This sucks, because as some of you know, I stepped out on a ledge for her. Broke up with a really nice girl IRL to try us out and sometimes it feels like we never left the friend zone, we just have a fancy new title for Facebook...

[Zephii]

Seriously, I hate how girls play games. It pisses me right off. I know it's hard to resist the urge, because I'm a girl too :P but grrr. /end rant

I don't have any words of wisdom or whatever.

Like, maybe she feels a bit smothered. I personally wouldn't text Obi with a play-by-play, I save that for conversations. Some people don't want to be tied to their phone. But if that's the case, she needs to have the decency to tell you about it.

[Killtrend]

There is no worse feeling than loving someone and not feeling loved back. Especially when it's your best friend and now SO.

But my options are zero. So I'll just stop. Stop sending messages, stop calling. Let her get back to me whenever that happens to be. And from now on, not be that "smotherer."

What kills me is I just wrote a letter to her, ready to be stamped and sent. Put in some pics of me I had printed out. I guess just because you're all in and trying to brighten their day, doesn't mean they want to be or want it. And I thought she was different man... I thought we were going to be different after 12 years.

[Zephii]

I think after 12 years you can bloody expect more but love is fickle. Give it time. I'm sure there's a reason.

[Killtrend]

I'm sure there's a reason for ignoring me and answering a wrong number text. Definitely.

This is why I don't do LDRs. This is where all the "good guys" go.

[Malaga]

How long has this been going on? From your post it seems like she was absent-minded from last night? I think it's way too early for you to jump onto conclusions. Maybe she's really worried or preoccupied with something and she doesn't have the energy to be as affectionate or thoughtful as you'd expect her to be. How does she usually react when she's under stress? Does she run to you or does she withdraw? You say she likes to take things slow and isn't very open about her feelings. If that's true, chances are she's going to internalise whatever's bothering her. Which may easily have nothing to do with you.

My boyfriend and I react differently when under stress. I normally seek his comfort, but he normally gets quiet and sort of distant. Sometimes he'll say goodnight without a kiss, sometimes he won't reply to my text for awhile. I don't like it, and I used to freak out about it a lot, but when I asked him about it, he genuinely didn't even notice the change, he thought he was the same as every day. Maybe your girlfriend is the same type.

Also, how long have you actually been a couple? Sometimes you can be friends with someone your entire life but once you enter a romantic relationship, you get to see each other in a completely different light. You feel like you should know each other by now, but you're still getting to know each other in that way like you would with anyone else.

[Killtrend]

Well I can't very well work it out when she answers a stranger and not me. An LDR, and the start to a relationship is fragile. Feeding doubt and plain out giving them the cold shoulder for no fault of their own is childish. I'm not sure I can make up an excuse as to why she wouldn't answer me. Even in a tragic event, she'd come to me. We lean on each other.

[Malaga]

As for ignoring your text and answering the wrong number text, it's a no-brainer to reply 'wrong number' to someone and a second later you can forget all about it. But talking to you requires her to be emotionally engaged. Especially since you're so sensitive about her not texting you more, or not being affectionate enough. If she's too stressed to be affectionate, it makes sense to me that she'd put off replying to your text for later, when she has more time and energy. Whether it's the right thing to do, probably not, but it might as well be her coping mechanism.

Also, I think cynical attitude and assuming things in advance is only going to make the situation worse. If you don't think LDR is worth the time, it's basically predestined to fail and you're setting yourself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Haley53]

I agree with Malaga.

There's been one or two times in the past when my boyfriend's demeanor has seemed so completely off, yet when I've pointed it out, he's been confused by it because he hasn't seen it. Sometimes it happens, and I'd say it happens with most of us. It's happened with me too. It's also possible that if this is a new thing, she's wanting to process the information before she comes to you about it. Yes, it can seem like a betrayal. Yes, in any relationship, you should be able to lean on each other, but sometimes people need to process an issue separately before they bring it to the table. Maybe it's temporary and she doesn't want to concern you, maybe she's not sure how to bring it up, etc. Especially if it has to do with feeling smothered (and there's a difference between feeling smothered and feeling loved), maybe she's not sure how to approach you about it yet because it's such a touchy issue. My opinion is do as best you can to distract yourself until she gets in touch with you, and then if she seems to be acting normal, gently confront her about it. Working yourself up and settling on the worst case scenario is only going to make things worse for you, and if she gets a glimpse of it, it's going to make it harder for her to come to you about things in the future.

[Killtrend]

You guys are probably right. I overreact quickly usually. It's my m.o. If that's the case, I already made it worse with the message I sent a bit ago.

In any case, thanks everyone. I feel a little better. In the future, if our fragile little thing survives my brashness, I'll put my phone away when I feel like accusing her of something. I gotta retrain myself for this girl. I've never had a distant relationship let alone long distant. My girls always blew my phone up.