Needing support and advice :/

[jmay292]

I met my SO last summer when I studying abroad in Costa Rica. We only spent about two weeks together, and neither of us was looking for anything more than a couple weeks of fun. But for some reason, after I left, our communication continued and a friendship started to grow. We talked on the phone and on Skype pretty often, and even though neither of us are quite fluent yet in the other's language, we still make each other laugh and feel really good. Even though we live completely different lives, like completely different things, and are kind of just opposite in general, there is something about our relationship that transcends that, and we understand each other. A lot of the time, we both feel like if we could just be physically together, we would have an unbelievable relationship, and just enjoy life together.

But here is my problem. All of this is up to my imagination to create. The person that I know in him is only over the phone or a computer screen. I really have no idea what it would be like to be with him. I mean we spent a couple of weeks together, but circumstances were quite different then, and feelings, emotions, and connection were not really involved. I didn't know him, he didn't know me.

Now it's different, and sometimes I can't help but feel like...yes I think that things would be great, but what if they're not? What if I'm just creating this all in my head because I WANT it to be that way? I don't know, I guess I've just never done this whole long-distance thing. And I've also never been involved with someone that lives 3,600 miles away that I've never really spent time with. Sometimes I feel so silly and I can't believe I'm doing this. Usually I would look at a relationship like this and think that it would never work. Summer romance with a Latin man, just a fantasy that's being dragged out. It'll end sooner or later.

But now I'm in it. That's my relationship. I've always been kind of nervous and put off by relationships, scared to commit to just one person. But I always hoped for someone that would be enough. I always wished that I would find someone that would be more than just based on sex and physical attraction. I always wanted someone who could be my friend and make me laugh. Someone who would love me even though I'm crazy and kind of weird and eccentric. Someone who would listen and encourage me to talk, when I'm normally the listener in every other part of my life. He does all of those things for me, I feel like I found that in another person, but it happened in a completely different way with a completely different person that I thought it would happen with.

I feel like there is no way to tell where this relationship could go without going there and spending time together. But it's such a leap of faith, and I really don't know what will happen. What if it doesn't go well? Or what if it does, then what happens?

I just feel at such a loss

[lucybelle]

Well hello twin. I met my SO while studying abroad in Costa Rica. We dated for about a month before I went back to the states. We kept up contact and I went down to visit him almost a year later. Then he visited me. Then he moved in with me. Now I moved to CR to be with him. So in total we've been living together over a year. Ticos are the greatest, aren't they?

Anyways, I was in you same position. I took that leap of faith. Because I'm young enough to make mistakes. I figured, if things didn't go well, oh well! At least I would have a good story to tell later!

Just go for it! Crazier things have happened.

[jmay292]

You just made me burst out in tears. I have been feeling so alone this entire time, not knowing who to talk to, not knowing how to express myself, not having anyone who could really relate to this situation at all. So amazing!

Where are you living in Costa Rica?

And for the first time that you visited him, how did you guys work that out? Did you pay for everything or did you share the expenses?

And what about things like school? Did you finish before you visited again or did you take breaks to go see him? That's one of my thoughts, I am only twenty years old, and still have some time left in college. Right now the plan is for me to take a semester off, live and volunteer in Potrero and he lives in Flamingo (About 15 minutes apart). But it does mean taking time off of school... in your opinion, do you think it would be worth it to drop everything and and just see what happens?

Sorry I have so many questions, I have honestly just had no one but myself and my SO to talk about this with...and we're both biased X)

[jmay292]

Ticos are wonderful I miss Costa Rica so much. The sights, the sounds, the smells...the ocean! Ahh, such an amazing place...I can't wait to be back there!

---------- Post added at 10:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:29 AM ----------

And also, how did he come visit you? What was the visa process like?

[lucybelle]

Well I'm glad you found this place! People here are friendly and helpful

Right now I'm living in San Jose. I was actually just up near Potrero/Flamingo/all those other beaches for New Years! Ahhh.. Guanacaste!

So to tell you a little more and to answer your questions, when I studied abroad I was in my 4th year of school. I stayed a full year, so I only had one more year (5th year) to finish. I visited him right after I graduated college (May 2010). I went down for a week. When I visited, we still weren't even a couple. In fact I told myself and everyone else that I was going because I missed the country and wanted to see my host family. About a week before the trip I finally realized that I really wanted to go to see him. Finances you two should work out on your own, but what we did was whoever traveled only paid for the ticket, and the other paid everything else. So when I went to visit him, I bought my plane ticket, and he paid meals, hotels, drinks, etc. And of course the other way when he came to visit me.

After the trip we continued to stay in contact, and even though we would say "I love you" we saw other people. I got a job teaching, and finally admitted to my family I had a love abroad. In November (2010) he came up to visit me for Thanksgiving. It was his first time to the states. He was luckily sponsored for a tourist visa by his work, who wanted to send him to the states for engineering fairs and such. I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for that, he would have been denied. During his 5 day trip to the USA, he decided he would move in with me and we became exclusive.

Valentine's day in 2011, he moved in. He still only had a tourist visa so he could only stay for 6 months. But long enough to figure out if things would work out. We had known each other for 1.5 years, we had only actually been together for maybe 2.5 weeks total. And sure enough, things worked out.

When school was over and his visa ran out, I quit my job and moved down to CR with him. Now I've been here for 7 months, I found a job, got a dog and we're getting along great. If you want, check out my blog link in my signature. It has allll my stories of leading up to moving, moving, settling in, finding a job, immigration nightmares, etc.

How much longer do you have in school? If you only have a year or so left, I think you should finish up and then move down. Lots of couples here only visit once or twice a year. It sucks, but it can be done. Let me know if you have any more questions! I'm happy to help

[jmay292]

Thanks for sharing your story with me So you guys kind of did the long distance thing for a while. How did you stay in touch?

And school...see that's one of the things that I'm really confused about. At this point, I have about two more semesters to finish my General Ed at my Junior College, as well as getting my certificate in Peace and Global Studies and an AA. If that's all I decide I want to do, then I only have one year left. If I decide that I want to continue and get a four year degree, I'll probably have at least another three years left.

But right now, Kender and this whole relationship aside, I've been feeling like I need to take a little time off from school anyways, just a semester or so to do some work that helps others, something that's meaningful and fulfilling. So I feel comfortable about taking a little break, but what if things go well and I don't want to leave, you know? I mean, I guess in that case I would just come back home and do the long distance thing again.

So what about the cultural differences? Were there differences about likes, dislikes, ways of doing things, ways of interacting with others? And the language, Were you guys able to communicate and express yourself pretty easily/well?

It sounds like you guys have a bit more of the modern style of life, living in an urban area, did you see lots of differences when you visited Guanacaste?

[LoveJ]

The best advice I can give you is that, if you feel like this could be a relationship that will makes you want to commit to that one person and be happy, go for it. Some of the best things in life happen when you just close your eyes and jump. You might not know what you're jumping into (although you usually have an idea), but jumping into the unknown and seeing the reality is better than never knowing.
Let's say you were to never go to Costa Rica and find out what this really is - would you regret it? Or would you be able to just sort of brush it off and not feel like you're missing out on anything? The answer to that should be a good guide in telling you what your next move should be. If you feel that by not going you're always going to wonder, then go. The worst that could happen is that he/the relationship isn't what you thought it would be. And even though that's the worst case scenario, at least you know and you can move on from there. The other side of the spectrum is that it could end up being exactly what you want it to be, and you'll be so glad you went.
Sometimes you just have to take that leap, no matter how scary it is. The result could be the best thing that ever happened to you.