I met my SO last summer when I studying abroad in Costa Rica. We only spent about two weeks together, and neither of us was looking for anything more than a couple weeks of fun. But for some reason, after I left, our communication continued and a friendship started to grow. We talked on the phone and on Skype pretty often, and even though neither of us are quite fluent yet in the other's language, we still make each other laugh and feel really good. Even though we live completely different lives, like completely different things, and are kind of just opposite in general, there is something about our relationship that transcends that, and we understand each other. A lot of the time, we both feel like if we could just be physically together, we would have an unbelievable relationship, and just enjoy life together.
But here is my problem. All of this is up to my imagination to create. The person that I know in him is only over the phone or a computer screen. I really have no idea what it would be like to be with him. I mean we spent a couple of weeks together, but circumstances were quite different then, and feelings, emotions, and connection were not really involved. I didn't know him, he didn't know me.
Now it's different, and sometimes I can't help but feel like...yes I think that things would be great, but what if they're not? What if I'm just creating this all in my head because I WANT it to be that way? I don't know, I guess I've just never done this whole long-distance thing. And I've also never been involved with someone that lives 3,600 miles away that I've never really spent time with. Sometimes I feel so silly and I can't believe I'm doing this. Usually I would look at a relationship like this and think that it would never work. Summer romance with a Latin man, just a fantasy that's being dragged out. It'll end sooner or later.
But now I'm in it. That's my relationship. I've always been kind of nervous and put off by relationships, scared to commit to just one person. But I always hoped for someone that would be enough. I always wished that I would find someone that would be more than just based on sex and physical attraction. I always wanted someone who could be my friend and make me laugh. Someone who would love me even though I'm crazy and kind of weird and eccentric. Someone who would listen and encourage me to talk, when I'm normally the listener in every other part of my life. He does all of those things for me, I feel like I found that in another person, but it happened in a completely different way with a completely different person that I thought it would happen with.
I feel like there is no way to tell where this relationship could go without going there and spending time together. But it's such a leap of faith, and I really don't know what will happen. What if it doesn't go well? Or what if it does, then what happens?
I just feel at such a loss
But here is my problem. All of this is up to my imagination to create. The person that I know in him is only over the phone or a computer screen. I really have no idea what it would be like to be with him. I mean we spent a couple of weeks together, but circumstances were quite different then, and feelings, emotions, and connection were not really involved. I didn't know him, he didn't know me.
Now it's different, and sometimes I can't help but feel like...yes I think that things would be great, but what if they're not? What if I'm just creating this all in my head because I WANT it to be that way? I don't know, I guess I've just never done this whole long-distance thing. And I've also never been involved with someone that lives 3,600 miles away that I've never really spent time with. Sometimes I feel so silly and I can't believe I'm doing this. Usually I would look at a relationship like this and think that it would never work. Summer romance with a Latin man, just a fantasy that's being dragged out. It'll end sooner or later.
But now I'm in it. That's my relationship. I've always been kind of nervous and put off by relationships, scared to commit to just one person. But I always hoped for someone that would be enough. I always wished that I would find someone that would be more than just based on sex and physical attraction. I always wanted someone who could be my friend and make me laugh. Someone who would love me even though I'm crazy and kind of weird and eccentric. Someone who would listen and encourage me to talk, when I'm normally the listener in every other part of my life. He does all of those things for me, I feel like I found that in another person, but it happened in a completely different way with a completely different person that I thought it would happen with.
I feel like there is no way to tell where this relationship could go without going there and spending time together. But it's such a leap of faith, and I really don't know what will happen. What if it doesn't go well? Or what if it does, then what happens?
I just feel at such a loss
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