Need help from people in military ldrs. Those who arent can also put there 2 sense in

[Shayxoxo]

Im totally new to the type of relationship where you never know where your SO is gonna ship off and go somewhere else. Im not use to being in a relationship where someones job comes before me, or where there job is physically and emotionally stressfull. He will be deploying who knows when and is starting to freak out, and as far as the things my other friends in the military has told me and what I read on the news things are getting better. Everytime I tell him that, he's all no they are not blah blah..... yesterday he told me to find someone better.... and to be honest that kind of hurt. Not only that but he was freaking out about all these different things and I dont know what to tell him. I mean in a normal relationship if your SO is physically tired you tell them to rest for a couple days.... in a military one what do you say? Im starting to stress out, I havent slept and I dont know what to do anymore. I dont know what to tell him when he gets scared, cause simply dont worry it will all be ok doesnt seem to work. Im emotionally drained at this point........

[Kristin91]

I'm not in a military LDR, but when my SO and I first started dating he would tell me that I should find someone better than him, etc. etc. Once he became more secure in our relationship and in my love for him, he stopped. So maybe if you haven't been going out that long that's why he says those things?

I'm sorry I can't be much help with the other stuff.

[usmcgirl]

Ok, first of all, take a deep breath. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing for a few seconds.
The number one thing I have to say: you're in one of the most stressful, crazy, unbalanced, insane relationships there is.
With that said: you're in one of the most rewarding, amazing, incredible, relationships there is.
I don't blame him for saying that things aren't getting better. A lot of the times, media spews shit that isn't true just so that the public won't freak out. There's a possiblity the military is telling him things that are miles away from what the media is saying. He can't tell you that stuff, sweetheart, no matter how much he wants to. Make sure you read the OPSEC thread!
He's just worried about you, from what I can tell. That's why he said find someone better. He's obviously stressed out and wants better for you. All you can do, is stay by his side. Prove to him that you're in this for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
You are not dating only him. You're dating the military. That's the simple - although harsh - fact. Ask any military wife and she will tell you flat out "I'm married to the military." The military owns your man, honey.
You are going to have to get used to the fact that you're second to his job. In any other relationship, I would say that the girl is first, no matter what. Unfortunately, I can't because in our relationships, the country is being put before us. How can we get annoyed with that? The answer? We can't.
All you can do, really, is listen to him. Be there for him and when there's nothing to say? Don't say anything. Just listen. Tell him as often as possible that you're proud of him. When he's scared, just tell him that you're here for him and that no matter what, you'll stick by him. I know military LDRs are hard because you can't physically comfort him and that's really what he needs right now.
He's just as stresssed as you are and while I know it's not easy to deal with, you have to.
You said "I mean in a normal relationship if your SO is physically tired you tell them to rest for a couple days.... in a military one what do you say?" There's nothing you can say. He's probably used to being physically tired by now, depending on how long he's been in.
Now, I have to say this. You are so strong. Being a Marine's girlfriend, I know you're going through hell. You are a strong girl, and you will make it through this. You need to focus on yourself also. If you're worried about him, let him know but don't dwell on it. They need to know that we're being strong for them back home so that they can be strong on the battlefield.

That's all I can think of right now. My final piece of advice is PM me if you need anything. It's hard and it won't get better, unfortunately. But you will be able to handle it better. If you need to talk or vent or rant, let me know. I'll listen.

Stay strong, hun. xoxox

[Shayxoxo]

I will definitely PM you, Im looking to make friends with other girls in similar situations. I apreciate your advice it was super helpful.

[11MikesGirl21]

I was almost in a military relationship with my current SO. He gave me the choice of staying with him or breaking up when he was first thinking of enlisting. Things didn't work out for him, but I learned a lot from a military SO forum and from my SO, who's an Army brat.

The easiest and best piece of advice I got was to let them vent, but also let them know you are there for them, but don't let yourself become their emotional punching bag. It's a hard balance but you eventually get the hang of it.

[usmcgirl]

I was almost in a military relationship with my current SO. He gave me the choice of staying with him or breaking up when he was first thinking of enlisting. Things didn't work out for him, but I learned a lot from a military SO forum and from my SO, who's an Army brat.

The easiest and best piece of advice I got was to let them vent, but also let them know you are there for them, but don't let yourself become their emotional punching bag. It's a hard balance but you eventually get the hang of it.

What forum did you go to? I'd like to check it out

[Xanahtas]

I was also nearly a military gf. My SO was in the process of signing up when i met him, literally weeks of of it being official. When he told me, i broke down, the thought of him being in danger and not being around was just heartbreaking. I can kind of understand how scared you must be.
All i can really say is just let him know that he is the one for you, and how proud you are of him and that you'll always be there for him. Let him vent, let him be scared, its not going to be easy.

[11MikesGirl21]

What forum did you go to? I'd like to check it out

MilitarySOS

I think my account is still active (same name as on here), but I don't have a reason to go on anymore.

[temporaryuser]

tho not millitary, my so is a cop and also a firefighter/paramedic. he gets held over days at a time (usually works 24 hr shifts) especialy around holidays> Dating some one that works in a dangerous profession is difficult. There are things they wont tell you for fear of scaring you, then they hold it all in. There are times when you cant talk to them at all and youhave no idea if they are safe or where they even are.
My advice is to get on a forum directly involved in millitary relationships. Its a different world, and unless someone is familiar with it, they wont understand what you are going thru.

[Shayxoxo]

Thanks all of you, you have truly been helpful and I appreciate all of your insight. I am definitely scared but im feeling a lot more calmer than I did this morning for sure. Things are going to be ok, I just need to familiarize myself more with the military and come to terms with the fact that I wont always know whats going on and I definitely have no control over what happens.

Im going to check out actual military forums and see what I find on there for sure. every little bit is helpful.

@subeasley, how do you deal with not hearing from your SO sometimes? It drives me insane when I dont hear anything just because I dont like not knowing.

[temporaryuser]

it drives me crazy not hearing from him when he is working. He is terrible about loosing his phone too (or dropping it in the tilet, or having it stolen when he sets it down in the emergency room etc). he knows it bothers me, but work gets so hectic. I am on his call list if something were tohappen to him - I would be one of the first called. Maybe that is an option for you guys? Atleast that way I know i would hear if something was truly wrong.

[Shayxoxo]

Thats a good point that Im definitely going to make with him. That way I wont worry so much when he's gone because no news will be good news.