Dealing with a shy SO

[Starry Nightmare]

Hello! My SO and I have been together for about a month. However, we have only communicated via text-based methods and we met on an online forum. I have asked about Skype or phone calls, but he says he feels socially awkward on the phone, etc. He thinks I am taking it too fast as he was in a LDR previously and he says it went more slowly. Am I being too impatient or should we have Skyped/talked by now? I can't decide if I should keep pushing it or not as I want to be kind but I really don't think he has anything to worry about - it's not like I'll think of him any differently if he's awkward. I'm socially awkward myself!

Really what I'm worried about is if he's truly serious about our relationship. Perhaps it is too early to tell?

[snow_girl]

I think if I hadn't talked to or actually seen the person I am dating after a month I would reevaluate things. No matter how socially awkward you are, it won't kill you to pick up a phone for 5 minutes and say hello. If he is as socially awkward as he says then maybe he isn't ready for a relationship.

[Captivated]

To be honest - I hated talking on the phone and Skyping. In fact, I barely got my first webcam ever last September. And I met my boyfriend in November of 2010. We took it very slow. He had no problem letting me see him on webcam but I didn't have a cam so it was just a one way viewing lol. And we didn't talk on the phone for about 3 or 4 months after we started "dating". He came to see me April of 2011 and after that I STILL didn't get a webcam but our phone calls were a lot more frequent. It wasn't until after I went to see him in September of 2011 that I finally bought a webcam. And throughout it all he never once told me anything. Now we're engaged

Some people, like myself, simply aren't into the whole technological ways of conversing (aside from chat and text). I still feel a bit awkward with the whole webcam thing but I've since found it tolerable. I wouldn't dismiss or push him. Maybe have him see you on webcam first and take it from there?

[squeeker]

By the time my SO and I were in a relationship, we were both comfortable talking on Skype/webcam. However, when I first met him, I was too shy to go on webcam, he never pushed me to though. When he first asked me if I had skype I didn't have it and said so, and then I downloaded after but I didn't say anything right away because I felt weird I downloaded it right away. But that's what worked for us, we took things really slow, I was really shy in the beginning, and now I'm comfortable with him. So, my advice is if you really like him, take things slower, let him get comfortable talking to you. After a few more months, maybe ask again. Maybe even in a month.. or just ask him to let you know when he's ready. But if it bugs you, you should say so too. Just say how much you want to see him on webcam maybe? Good luck!

[temporaryuser]

meeting someone online, when you are ld, a month into it isnt all that long. I wouldnt push it. But how are you communicating? Does he have fb? if so, has he given you that info? Do you email or text or IM?
My only concern with meeting someone online is are they who they say they are. Are they really single, the age they say etc. So many people play the double life for thrills online.

[kiara_silver]

We took things semi slow, I didn't have a webcam and didn't get one till after my parents knew so that was after six months. So I think was about 8 months before I went on cam. We exchanged pictures about a month in. And I can't remember exactly now, but I don't think our first call until about 3 months in. But we didn't become a couple until at least a month of talking first. So we went at our own pace. He never pressured or rushed me.
So my advice is, take it slow if he wants. You guys have to build up trust with each other. Maybe start off slower? What me and my SO would do sometimes, was make video's for each other. Upload them to youtube, so that was nice seeing each other and hearing our voices. He made me a b-day video. We made one each showing a tour of our rooms, just simple and no pressure.

[Starry Nightmare]

Thanks for the advice! We have exchanged pictures and I send him a video message last night of me just talking to him about random stuff. I am hoping that him seeing me will make him more comfortable with an actual video conversation.
I have no problems being on webcam so the one way thing might be possible. I don't want to push him but there are some conversations I'd just rather have more directly. I feel our relationship has been more "casual" than I would like due to the text-only aspect and I would want to bring that up.

[Zephii]

I think you're pushing too fast. My SO and I met online, and whilst we were not official we were more or less dating (just without the label)... and we didn't pick up the phone for over six months (granted, this was before skype was invented and we're international, but I wouldnt have let it move faster regardless). Maybe start out with small voice clips (you can make them on msn or record with audacity) so that you don't have to hold a conversation. A simple recorded good morning or night message would let you hear each other's voice without pressure.

[13000km]

My boyfriend and I both hated skyping when we first met, and phone calls were not an option for us because of international costs. I hated people hearing my voice and he hated turning the webcam on. It takes awhile to get completely comfortable with it. But with both of you wanting to see each other's faces and hear each other's voices it'll come eventually.

[Starry Nightmare]

Thanks everyone. On a related note, being someone who tends to be impatient with everything, we've already talked about meeting up. The problem is, he wants me to visit him and says at this point it is financially impossible for him to visit me. I offered to buy his plane ticket and he could stay at my house and he still doesn't want to visit.
He did say that the last time he visited someone he met online it was a bad experience, so perhaps he's anxious about it. I'm probably not going to push the idea any more in the near future, but does anyone think it's weird that he wants me to come to him, and he's 5 years older? Obviously in the event that I do go I would go with my family and we would definitely Skype/talk on the phone beforehand, but still.

[usmcgirl]

Yeah, I think you might be pushing it a little fast. My SO & I have been dating for about 3 months now (it'll be three months officially on the 31st) and we only just starting considering phone calls a few weeks ago. Skype wasn't an option for either of us for techy-reasosns. Of course, I trusted him because my bestfriend goes to highschol with him & we communicated through facebook, so I saw his picture (he saw mine), I saw all his info and all that.
Take it fairly slow. Good luck! xx

[Zapookie]

I think that things might be moving a little too fast.

I'd really just want to know, why is he getting into another long distance relationship if he still has hangups about his last one? I met my boyfriend while I was interested in someone else, then that ended and it left me a little unstable. We were friends for little less than a year before I decided that I was 100% able to give it my all(I dunno though, that's just me!). Do you think that maybe you should just build your friendship first? How long have you known him (not dated) for?

I think you should start off seeing if he would like to talk to you over the phone sometime. It doesn't have to be right now, but you do have to progress your relationship further at some point otherwise it won't go anywhere. And also, if you ever have any gut feelings, even though as much as you may not want it to be true, I find that my gut is usually right! I really hope, for your sake, that he's not using "socially awkward" as an excuse for something else.

[ChrisJones]

I would be really hesitant if he is so adamint about you going to him first. That just seems alittle sketchy to me especially since he refuses to webcam/talk on the phone. I would tell him that you need to see him and get to know him before any other steps are taken. You just need to be careful because if he is being this persistant about not showing himself it might not be a good sign...