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Are we hanging on to a hope that isn't there?

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    #1

    Are we hanging on to a hope that isn't there?

    I'm new to the site so I'll do a little background information.

    I met my Girlfriend in College during a summer class where we camped and canoed for 2 weeks. Well I graduated May 2011 and commissioned in the Army as an aviator, she is still at school continuing her masters in Architecture and will graduate this coming May. From the start it's been long-distance in small segments, starting with summer training, for a few months at a time.

    But now that I've graduated I'm at flight school in Alabama she is still in Vermont. We see each other every couple months for a few days, a week if we are lucky. She has a really good job lined up for the summer in New York but not sure how long she'll be working there. I'll graduate flight school next January and don't know where I will be stationed.

    I thought things were going well, nothing seemed different then I didn't hear from her in a few days, and then she calls.
    She's having doubts that our lives will ever match up, and can't endure going through it over and over again with no end in sight.

    I love her with all my heart, and want to keep hope that we can make it work, but what can i say to reassure her that we can get through it?
    Tags: getting through, hope, military, reassurance
    #2
    first of all welcome to this site

    You never know what the future will hold for you two. If the love is strong you guys will make it through! It's understandable that she/you have doubts, especially in the beginning..but the most important is communication! talk a lot with her.. ask her about her dreams,what she wants for her future..if she sees you there too. and see if they are similar to yours.

    how you could help her? tell her aout your feeling for her.. and that you don't want to lose her good luck!!

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      #3
      You guys have been together for a pretty long time.. It would be a waste to not try to make it work.. But the situation you are in is really hard.. But like 'Lala' said.. Communication is key..

      Nobody said it was easy! And definitely talking about stuff like this isn't easy!

      I really hope things will work out for you two!
      \\ Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything //
      \\ happens for a reason //

      \\ We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing //

      \\ When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” //
      \\They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life!! //

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        #4
        communication! You have to find ways to communicate with each other, wether phone, text, email, IM, skype etc. Talk as if you were together - talk about your day, talk about your past, talk about your future. What you want to do together.
        being seperated isnt easy. And you being millitary means there will always be distance if you get deployed and she has a career job that she wouldnt want to leave to relocate with you.
        BUT, it is doable. You seem to be able to see each other on a regular basis, which is more than some here. Fear is normal in any relationship. maybe find out what she is afraid of - her finding someone else in your absence, or you finding someone else?
        everything happens for a reason. We may never find out what that reason is/was, but there is a reason.

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          #5
          First of all - welcome to LFAD!

          As to your situation - I'm a military girlfriend. It's hard as hell. Everybody says it's harder being a soldier but honestly, being a Marine girlfriend is so hard, it's not easy imagining there's anything harder. Anyway, back to you. As everyone else has said, communication! It's key to any relationship, even more so when it's an LDR and even more than that when it's a military LDR. Tell her that you love her (in a very creative way, i.e "I love you more than anything else." Not just, "I love you so much.") Tell her you want to make it work and that you're willing to do anything. Also, suggest she join the site - it might help her as much as it's helped a lot of other couples on here.

          Sidenote - anything I said "say this" or "say that" about, that's only if you mean it. Just suggestions!

          Once again, welcome to the site and if you need anything feel free to PM me!

          Comment

            #6
            Thank you for all the posts, its nice to have people in other LDRs supporting others in hard times.

            We talked tonight via Skype, and I really don't know what else I can do. She knows I love her, and she loves me too, but she "can't see the light in the end of the tunnel" that I can (or am praying for). She just shook her head and said it's too hard. I told her that we love each other and that WE can do this, one step at a time. I'm just afraid I'm going to lose her before we ever get the chance to be together permanently.

            It was getting late and enough tears were shed on both keyboards so we are going to try to get some sleep and talk tomorrow.

            Comment

              #7
              Well we skyped again tonight and were able to talk through things a bit more without breaking down in tears (too much)

              I think we are going to take a break, to let ourselves focus on our work at hand. She said she just thinks she needs to be single for a little while and not worry about the future because our situation is hard to see a positive outcome. But I think this may be a good step, to help both of us focus... We've both gotten sick from stress, and not eating for most of the week, and maybe this will help us breath.

              I told her what my fears were, that she would forget me and move on to a more convenient relationship. She told me that she could never forget me. I'm still scared as hell but I think that helped a little.

              We still want to talk to each other during this time, however long it is.

              We are going to talk through things some more tomorrow, and hopefully these baby steps will help.

              Comment

                #8
                Welcome to LFAD. I am sorry to hear about the break, but I pray that it will be a great growing and learning time for the both of you! Best of luck!

                Comment

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