Parents..

[Amatory]

Alright.. So many of you may have seen my last thread.. :P I'm going to see my SO very soon. We have plans, but need approval for him to get time off work first and such. Today, he tells me that his parents offered to let me stay there for a week. This means we would be saving at least $400 AND I'd get to be with him for twice as long as he would be able to stay here. I'd get to meet his parents and friends who I've talked to, all these people who have supported us so much.. and I'd finally get to travel. I've never been out of my state except for a couple of trips to Florida, and even then I was with my parents.

I've been wanted to travel my whole life. Like my priorities in life, the things that REALLY make me happy are love, art, travel, and teaching. It's what I live for.

So I casually mentioned that I was invited to stay by his parents, to my dad. Reaction:

"F-- NO. You are not doing that. Me and your mother will NEVER support your relationship with this guy or going to ENGLAND. You have your priorities f--d up, how many classes have you failed and dropped out of? (I failed one a year ago... haven't dropped out of any) And WHO would even for a SECOND think this is the right thing to do?! Not your "friends", not those pretend people online, who in your FAMILY?"
"Josh(cousin) is with someone even -farther- away."
"But it's not a different COUNTRY!"
(someone please tell me why this makes his relationship acceptable and mine not..)

I then walked out as I had a break down, realizing I would never get the support I've been craving from them for years.

But besides that... this trip would be 100% paid for and my classes are online so I'd still be able to do them.

TL;DR:

The ONLY thing stopping me from seeing him is the support of my parents.

I can-

1. Try to make them understand kindly and insist on having them help me, which seems likely to end badly as they won't even give me an inch..

2. Get my passport anyway, make the plans to go, while making sure they're well aware of it. If by their insistence, I back out, he can still come here.

3. Give up and settle for letting my SO spend nearly $2k to see me for a few days, in a disgusting hotel with little to nothing to do if my parents won't allow him in the house.

And the thing is, this would have to happen at a specific time, so it's not like I can just wait until my parents are comfortable, then go.

And ahhh... the worst they could actually do is kick me out, which means little to me as I have a place I can go to.

Sorry for the long rant, I just haven't been so torn in a long while. x_x

[Zapookie]

You're 19, correct? Do your parents still pay for everything for you, or do you support yourself and just live with them for now? I would think that at 19, your parents really don't have a say in what you do, unless it involves them spending their own money for this trip, involves them giving their time and efforts up etc. This is just my opinion though.

If my mother didn't support my relationship, that would be her problem. I'd still do it anyway. I'm not a baby anymore and can make my own decisions, as much as she'd like to think I can't. You can't let your parent's influence your personal life. You have to do what you want and what's right for you. If you are always living to make others happy, you, yourself, will be unhappy.

My mother freaked out when I lost my virginity at 20, but she got over it. Your parents will get over it, too.

[Amatory]

You're right, and it means a lot.
I'm still living at home and they pretty much support me, but not because they have to. (I do all the shopping and they pay my insurance. -shrug-)

I really, really want to do this. So I'm going to try.

[lademoiselle]

I agree with every word Zapookie said, but I guess I'm biased because I'm in a very similar situation to you - 19 years old, and facing parental opposition. Like you, I still live at home but pay for everything I need myself (in my case my parents don't even own the roof over our heads!). All the reasoning in the world would never have shifted their resolve, so I took matters into my own hands. I've never regretted having done so. Make sure you're safe whatever happens, and I wish you the best of luck

[lala]

well have anyone thought about her parents? lol
I mean I totally understand you!! I'm 23 and my dad is aggainst my relationship with my SO. We both live on different continents. My dad doesn't like his apperance (like his look..) and I talked a few times to him and explained him how much my SO means to me and that we will see eachother next year, that he will come so my dad can actualy meet him and make his own picture. But plans changed and my SO won't be able to come maybe (because of his job) so I decided to travel and told my parents so.I saved enough money for thr trip and my SO also offered me to pay for it.. With all this months my dad realized that he can't do anything about me ending this relationship because of his opinion.. so when I told him that I might go to my SO he said nothing and is fine with that (I know he isn't but he has no choice).
But on the other hand I can understand my dad and your parents, as they are afraid that you are loveblind and make some mistakes! Maybe your dad is afraid of losing his daughter,that you will move one day to your SO. And well you are 19..that's still young!My dad was for example afraid that I get pregnant lol.. you know parents are parents and they will always be. They also need time to realizie that their babies are adults who has to make their own decisions. The best thing is to talk normally with them an explain everything.. try to remind them of their youth.. tell them that you won't stop going to school and that you know that it's important to have a degree.. just be an adult and they will hopefully treat you like this. good luck!

[kittyo9]

I'm 21 and I live away from home, but my mom supports me financially. She isn't against my relationship, per se, but she doesn't want me to go there to see him (Peru). We tried and tried to get him a visa to come here, but we couldn't... And I have tried and tried to convince my mom to "let" me go, but she still says the same thing.

I understand where she's coming from in a way-- she worries about me and she wants me to be safe-- but it hurts not to have her support. Going there is the only way I can see my boyfriend and I really wish I didn't have to feel so bad about it.

Anyway, I decided to just go. 18-22 is a tricky age range sometimes because we're just barely over the "adult" line. We tend not to be financially independent and so it's difficult to make decisions like these. But I booked my ticket regardless, following in the path of many other LFADers with disapproving parents. You're their baby and they want to protect you, but you're an adult.

[temporaryuser]

You have to understand your parents point of view. How many stories do we hear of girls travelling and disappearing? They have legitimate fears. You are travelling alone, to see someone no one knows, has never met, and who knows what may happen to you.
Have you ever let them talk to him on skype? Maybe that would help.
Now, if I were in your situation, and I had a means of paying for the trip without assitance from them, I would go. But I am hardeheaded like that. But, i am also in my 40's, with an 18 yo daughter, so i can see their point of view

[Emms]

I agree with the idea of letting your parents talk to him on Skype or--even better in my opinion--get HIS parents on skype so they can assure yours that you'll be safe and looked after. I feel like that might help somewhat. Also, you can try pointing out that as far as other countries go, England shares the basic Anglo culture with the US, speaks the same language, thousands of young Americans travel to England all the time...it's pretty tame as far as traveling from the US to Europe goes.

[kiara_silver]

Im 19 and in May im leaving to the UK for 5 months. I have never travelled before by myself, so this is a first. Before I told my parents I had made up my mind im going. My SO is the one who paid for my ticket, before he did he asked me do i want to think about it but I was like no book it now. I then went and bought my passport, got my bags, prepared nearly everything. I had planned to tell them when they came but they cancelled. So I ended up telling them over the phone, which im now grateful I did. It did not go well. It was my dad cussing, What did i think they were going to say that im F**** stupid not thinking, jumping into this, giving myself, not doing anything the right way. Do i really trust him just a lot I can't even go into it all, and I could just hear my mom crying in the background. The call ended with me not being able to stop crying. It was awkward and i didn't talk to them for awhile, then slowly my mom and i started talking, then dad would call here and there. Now they have all come and accepted im going. They may not like it and wish I wasn't going. But they know i am so they don't bring it up or cause fights, and since then i've spent a week over at my parents house, and yesterday my mom and all my siblings came and spent the night, just things are back to ok.

So yes it's hard for parents. Your there baby, but I think if you keep them involved, and your not doing anything you shouldn't then they'll get over it with time. Your growing up, your going to be making huge choices, and at some point they have to let you go.

[schwee44]

Amatory, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm nearly 19, and I'm about to leave for New Zealand and Australia and my parents have no idea. I've decided I'm not going to fill them in until my ticket, passport, visa and such are bought, though, so they don't talk me out of it when I decide to break the news.
Honestly I've thought about not saying anything at all until I get there, but.. yeah, no, bad idea. Bad idea. xD

If you need help when you talk to them, message me. You're not alone <3

[Amatory]

Omg you guys thank you so much. ;~; You're right, so right. I'm been to -mentally- dependent on them and letting them make choices for me for too long. Though I always have an always will respect their opinion, I am my own person and thus can make my own decisions.

Schwee- I'm torn between telling them now and after everything is booked so I can't be talked out of it.. but I need to work on getting my passport ASAP, and for that I need my birth certificate, which m mom has. So looks like I can't wait until I have everything ready.

[schwee44]

Oh, crap, I need mine too. Luckily I -think- I know where my mom keeps mine.
If they say no, there might be a way for you to get a copy or use an alternative. I'll go ahead and look that up for you.

[Moon]

I'm the mom of a 23 year old daughter, if it were her (at 19), I'd be very reluctant to let her go too. If she was trying to convince me, I'd want a Skype or Phone call with the boyfriend, and his parents if possible. My feelings would also depend on the length of the relationship, and most importantly, my daughter herself. If my daughter was the smart, good decision making, logical, head outta the clouds type (which she is ), I'd be comfortable-ish with her choice to go.

All parents are different though, that's the problem.

You are 19, legally you can do what you want. What will the consequences be for doing this, do you know? That should be influencing your choice, too. If they'll just be pissed off, disappointed in you, and talking about you to the relatives, so what? Get your ticket and go. If you think they'd kick you out, or completely cut you off financially, then you really need to decide if this is worth it.

You get to make your choices now, your parents won't always agree with them, and that's the way its supposed to be. As much as we try shielding our kids from making mistakes, we've got to let them spread their wings and start living their life. But...here's a secret...it's HARD, really, really hard

You're only going to England, which is like one of the biggest tourist destinations in the world, promise them that if anything feels weird that you'll trust your instinct and go to a hotel immediately (and mean it), have them speak with your boyfriend, and maybe his parents, and go meet your guy.

[Amatory]

Moon- I am trying my best to keep their opinions in mind and I agree with you completely. My SO AND his parents have said that they will skype with my parents in order to reassure them if need be, though they've already talked to my SO online.

The consequences are much more likely to be just anger than them kicking me out, but as I plan to leave home soon -anyway-, I see little problem with that. It would hurt our relationship, but I wouldn't lose them. I know I would never lose them, even still. They aren't cruel... just unsupportive. I appreciate your view very much, though. <3

I'd like to think of myself as the logical type, too! xD

Schwee- I could get it from the hospital I was born at, but.. I don't actually know which one it is. Besides that there is a $150 file search option when you get your passport, but I can't afford that. ._.

[schwee44]

https://www.travel.state.gov/passpor...port_5401.html
I just found that too >.>