My Boyfriend needs space - ='(

[Softy]

What I don't understand is why someone would use the terms " I need space" or "I need a break" while in a LDR. How much more space do you need, when you already are not seeing one another often as it is??

The way I see it is this.
As for my personal experience, my LDR bf always goes online right after work to talk to me (I don't demand it, he does it because he wants to, and i do rly rly appreciate!).
And most every morning sends me a 'Have a good day, i love you' Text'. And thing is, he sets himself a 'routine' and sometimes he might feel like he 'HAS' to do it.
So even being in a LDR, a certain 'routine' install itself and sometimes, you need to get out of it a little bit, just like any couple.

So by 'needing space' may mean only to break the routine, only choice of wording maybe be confusing
I think.

[FierceFoxie]

The way I see it is this.
As for my personal experience, my LDR bf always goes online right after work to talk to me (I don't demand it, he does it because he wants to, and i do rly rly appreciate!).
And most every morning sends me a 'Have a good day, i love you' Text'. And thing is, he sets himself a 'routine' and sometimes he might feel like he 'HAS' to do it.
So even being in a LDR, a certain 'routine' install itself and sometimes, you need to get out of it a little bit, just like any couple.

So by 'needing space' may mean only to break the routine, only choice of wording maybe be confusing
I think.

I see. I guess that makes sense. I guess that even if I heard that, that would still be the death of the relationship. When all you have are those things to help you stay connected to someone and now they are suddenly saying those things are too much, then I would feel as though that person no longer cared for me like he once did.

[RomanticAtHeart]

I see. I guess that makes sense. I guess that even if I heard that, that would still be the death of the relationship. When all you have are those things to help you stay connected to someone and now they are suddenly saying those things are too much, then I would feel as though that person no longer cared for me like he once did.

I totally understand thank you both so much
I have gotten alot positive. its been about 2 weeks now since we broke up. He hasnt texted me and i havent texted him.
He is getting the space and to be honest, since we are both single now, to me he wont come back to me. I can tell. i have learnt to not give into hope, and give into being in a rut all my life thinking he will just turna round and give us a 2nd chance. When we were in person we were perfect but maybe we werent meant to be
If he wanted me, he wud have fought for us, but instead he just wants to be 'friends' but im taking that on the chin lol hes the one thats lost something, i did everything for him that any other person in a long distance relationship wud want. I made the effort. Tbh i think there is someone else...like i said at the beginning he was talking to a new girl that come into the scenes, ignoring my messages and messaging her with kisses and not giving me any etc. The list is long but at the end of the day, i fought and he backed out, and maybe he thinks im the 'back up' but im strong im strong to let him go ^^

We had been on the break for 1 week and a half, so that makes it 3 and a half weeks since and we havent spoken much at all. I will leave him be.
The bad thing is though, my family have hit hard on us breaking up, and often talk about him, negatively when i only told them how nice he was and said he just wants space. It was getting me down hearing them saying things about him behind my back, but hopefully they will move on like i have. thanks again guys

RomanticAtHeart~ <3

[katylynnlee]

I skimmed through this entire thread, and I'd just like to say I'm impressed with your positivity. I am currently on a "break" with my SO, not officially dating, but still together. Though you two are no longer together, and he needs to work on him, I suggest this is an ample opportunity to work on you too. I honestly think it's disrespectful of him to talk to other girls while on this "break", mainly because the same thing happened to me and I didn't appreciate it. It sucked. However, to make us girls feel better, you have to look at it like this: You did everything you could have to make it work, to make him happy. Most girls, even in CD relationships, would've been turned off by his attitude and may have not have bothered. That shows that you were a really good girlfriend. His parents are right, you did nothing wrong.

Obviously, this is all on him and I really think he needs to figure out what he wants. It was nice of him to let you know before stringing you on, though waiting two weeks must have been torture for you. Again, I'm really impressed you stayed hopeful and happy. Guys can be idiots sometimes, no offence. They think they want one thing (like being single), and then they realize what they missed out on, a loving girlfriend.

My best advice, from experience, is to really start working on you. Keep busy and do things that will benefit you in the long run, relationship or not. Don't try to contact him, give him the space he needs. Maybe that's what will make him realize how great you are, and if it doesn't, you'll at least know that you can accomplish great things and live life without an SO, and be perfectly happy. This site is really good at helping members during these times, even if it is a site that solely revolves around LDR's. A lot of us are going through the same things.

Feel free to message me if you need advice or someone to talk to, as well. I'm normally on quite often. Just keep your head high, and don't degrade yourself by giving someone, who doesn't deserve your lovin' right now, the time of day.

I also just read the post before me, and your family is just trying to help and make you feel better. They hate seeing you hurt. My friends did the exact same thing. Maybe try telling them that it bothers you, and you want to take the good from this. Which is all you can do. Personally, I think he acted really immature not telling you this a lot sooner, and then completely cutting you off. But it's better you find out now than later. You can move on and find someone who is willing to fight for you. Who won't tune out, when all you did was be there and be supportive.

Anyway, best of luck! <3

[HollzHeartsChris]

I think sometimes breaks are good because they can help repair slight holes in a relationship if things have started to get a little painful or difficult or even awkward. Due to a lot of pain between us both, my SO and I went on break for about 6 months and in that time we tried to date others but neither time worked out because in my case I wasn't ready and my heart was set on him whereas he was cheated on by the girl he dated for about a month and he never got especially close to her since he often used to think of me. After consideration we decided to try things once more. So far so good.

I think breaks can be helpful but in some cases not so great. I think in this case however a break sounds like a good idea.

[RomanticAtHeart]

I skimmed through this entire thread, and I'd just like to say I'm impressed with your positivity. I am currently on a "break" with my SO, not officially dating, but still together. Though you two are no longer together, and he needs to work on him, I suggest this is an ample opportunity to work on you too. I honestly think it's disrespectful of him to talk to other girls while on this "break", mainly because the same thing happened to me and I didn't appreciate it. It sucked. However, to make us girls feel better, you have to look at it like this: You did everything you could have to make it work, to make him happy. Most girls, even in CD relationships, would've been turned off by his attitude and may have not have bothered. That shows that you were a really good girlfriend. His parents are right, you did nothing wrong.

Obviously, this is all on him and I really think he needs to figure out what he wants. It was nice of him to let you know before stringing you on, though waiting two weeks must have been torture for you. Again, I'm really impressed you stayed hopeful and happy. Guys can be idiots sometimes, no offence. They think they want one thing (like being single), and then they realize what they missed out on, a loving girlfriend.

My best advice, from experience, is to really start working on you. Keep busy and do things that will benefit you in the long run, relationship or not. Don't try to contact him, give him the space he needs. Maybe that's what will make him realize how great you are, and if it doesn't, you'll at least know that you can accomplish great things and live life without an SO, and be perfectly happy. This site is really good at helping members during these times, even if it is a site that solely revolves around LDR's. A lot of us are going through the same things.

Feel free to message me if you need advice or someone to talk to, as well. I'm normally on quite often. Just keep your head high, and don't degrade yourself by giving someone, who doesn't deserve your lovin' right now, the time of day.

I also just read the post before me, and your family is just trying to help and make you feel better. They hate seeing you hurt. My friends did the exact same thing. Maybe try telling them that it bothers you, and you want to take the good from this. Which is all you can do. Personally, I think he acted really immature not telling you this a lot sooner, and then completely cutting you off. But it's better you find out now than later. You can move on and find someone who is willing to fight for you. Who won't tune out, when all you did was be there and be supportive.

Anyway, best of luck! <3

Thank you so so much for taking the time to write your views
Really appreciate it

And I must say I agree with you, I did give him everything I would have loved in return by anyone, but I know now that he just didnt take it. I am better off with someone who deserves all of my heart, all that i give to them Since then, we havent been in contact, and to be honest, if he REALLY wants me he will text me, but i even feel like not texting him back if he did. i wudnt straight away but, the last message i sent him he next replied back so i am just going to let him be . I want to live my own life.
Its been great so far, I have been learning about myself and doing things for me. I even have been getting a little attention from the opposite sex that i didnt think i would ever lol but its just nice to be on my own and live life the way i do ^_^
if i find someone, then i will and if i dont then il be happy with being with myself
I know at first, even now its still so hard, and his family sometimes send me a little message saying they hope im okies and are still positive towards me which is nice to have but i know now that if my ex - if he doesnt sort himself out - then he has lost something very precious, and something that loved him more than anything.
When he was single, (before me) he had always said that he was single for a year and a half and he didnt like it, he wanted to be loved and cared for.
And im sure that when that time comes, when he feels more like himself, he will realise what he has lost.
I cared for him more than anything. But thats all in the past now. Now, i am free free to do what i want ^_^

Thank you <3333

I really wish the best of luck to you too.
Are you still on a "break"?

RomanticAtHeart <3

[katylynnlee]

That's a great way of looking at things! Good luck and have fun!

No, I'm not on a break anymore. We worked things out. But I know if things happen to go sour again, I can make it on my own. Until then, as long as we're both willing to try, it will be just fine. Thanks for asking!!

[RomanticAtHeart]

That's a great way of looking at things! Good luck and have fun!

No, I'm not on a break anymore. We worked things out. But I know if things happen to go sour again, I can make it on my own. Until then, as long as we're both willing to try, it will be just fine. Thanks for asking!!

Aww thats great to hear it worked out for you both thats also good you thinking that, as the saying goes;- life goes on
the break worked for you both and glad that you know that if that time ever same if it went all sour again, you can live on like i am doing now
You take care!! And be happy! We only live once lol ^___^
Thanks again!!

RomanticAtHeart <3~

[RomanticAtHeart]

Hey guys

I know its been a while, to be exact, 4 months! Since the break-up lol
I am keeping happy in life, keeping busy, still looking for work but all is well since the break up, we only texted each other on each others birthday, just saying happy birthday and that was that. To be honest, i see the light now even though sometimes its hard knowing i dnt have that someone special, i am glad i have had this time to be single, i really am enjoying looking around and i have had some interested in me one day i shall find my one, however right now i am just happy being single
I am still in often contact with his sister (who is amazing, she has been so nice to me and still says that even though we arent related, im like her sister, we are both the same age) she doesnt see him that much and she knows its for the best that i can move on and shes so proud of me.
I have realised looking back, my love for my ex was so much more than his love for me. He wasn't honest and open with me. One of the most important things in any relationship, and communication + trust. He didnt communicate with honesty, he wasnt open to his feelings and hid them, whereas i was completely open right from the start. He lied to me (i have proof) occasionally about things that mattered. And I now realise i couldnt ever be in a relationship with him, even in the future. As i would be thinking "is he really thinking that, is he being honest?" because he really wasnt. Yet at the time, i was so blindly in love with him - i didnt see it. I did everything any male would like; he always said "you deserve better, i dont deserve anything, its all my fault, you will hate me".
At the time i kept saying to him, that we deserve each other, and i dnt hate u i love you... but after all this time, ive begun to see he was right. I deserve someone that will make the effort for me in return. I was willing to move 250+ miles away from my family to be with him, yet he wouldnt (and never talked) about moving to where i live (which shows he wouldnt make the effort in return, when really if u loved someone so much, you would do anything for them - and i would have done anything for him).

So after all this! (Lol Thanks for reading so far xD) its all good - i finally moved on - i deleted all the messages he ever sent me, except 1.. Stating that i deserve better, which i do Thank you all - - and i wish everyone the best of luck in their LDRs.

RomanticAtHeart~
xxx

[lademoiselle]

Good to hear things are looking up for you! All the very best for the future

[xopookie]

Hey guys

I know its been a while, to be exact, 4 months! Since the break-up lol
I am keeping happy in life, keeping busy, still looking for work but all is well since the break up, we only texted each other on each others birthday, just saying happy birthday and that was that. To be honest, i see the light now even though sometimes its hard knowing i dnt have that someone special, i am glad i have had this time to be single, i really am enjoying looking around and i have had some interested in me one day i shall find my one, however right now i am just happy being single
I am still in often contact with his sister (who is amazing, she has been so nice to me and still says that even though we arent related, im like her sister, we are both the same age) she doesnt see him that much and she knows its for the best that i can move on and shes so proud of me.
I have realised looking back, my love for my ex was so much more than his love for me. He wasn't honest and open with me. One of the most important things in any relationship, and communication + trust. He didnt communicate with honesty, he wasnt open to his feelings and hid them, whereas i was completely open right from the start. He lied to me (i have proof) occasionally about things that mattered. And I now realise i couldnt ever be in a relationship with him, even in the future. As i would be thinking "is he really thinking that, is he being honest?" because he really wasnt. Yet at the time, i was so blindly in love with him - i didnt see it. I did everything any male would like; he always said "you deserve better, i dont deserve anything, its all my fault, you will hate me".
At the time i kept saying to him, that we deserve each other, and i dnt hate u i love you... but after all this time, ive begun to see he was right. I deserve someone that will make the effort for me in return. I was willing to move 250+ miles away from my family to be with him, yet he wouldnt (and never talked) about moving to where i live (which shows he wouldnt make the effort in return, when really if u loved someone so much, you would do anything for them - and i would have done anything for him).

So after all this! (Lol Thanks for reading so far xD) its all good - i finally moved on - i deleted all the messages he ever sent me, except 1.. Stating that i deserve better, which i do Thank you all - - and i wish everyone the best of luck in their LDRs.

RomanticAtHeart~
xxx

That's the spirit!! I'm glad you moved and ain't nothin' wrong lookin girl and dating!! This is the time of your life and do it big!! You should have an independent singles party just you and u're close friends go out to eat and then party!! I know you'll be perfectly fine!!

[Jessipoo]

This gives me hope to move on. It's been over 1 month I've heard from him (he broke up by disappearing, never expected that from him) and although I felt we were perfect I hope I can look back and see flaws. I've been trying. His so called flaws were never big enough but distance amplified it with communication lessening. You can't really interpret things well with texts as the main communication line .. I keep telling myself this is for the best that his new career didn't allow proper time regardless if we were cdr or LDr and that hard times would've occurred sooner or later.

[ushiwakafox]

Love can be so blind ^^ We've all been through it, but that experience will help you understand what you want in a guy, and what you don't want. Enjoy the single life, I had a blast with mine.

[Jessipoo]

I had a blast with single life last Summer then fell madly in love with him towards the end (during CD). Talking about our future and everything until this job opportunity came along and robbed me of everything I had

[RomanticAtHeart]

That's the spirit!! I'm glad you moved and ain't nothin' wrong lookin girl and dating!! This is the time of your life and do it big!! You should have an independent singles party just you and u're close friends go out to eat and then party!! I know you'll be perfectly fine!!

Thank you ever so much!! your cheerful personality has shone through your words - so much so its made me even happier ^^
Thank you!