Possibly going crazy, please help!

[paranoid]

Hi LFAD. New to the site and liking a lot of things I've seen.

Unfortunately, I'm not liking what I'm noticing in my LDR.

A little bit about my LDR. My LDR GF and I met on an online game. We've known each other for about 7 months, but made it "official" about 2 months ago. She started hanging out with me a lot about one month before we went "official." Things were going very well up until about 2 weeks ago.

Now here's the problem. Just randomly (can't say for sure if it was random or not...to me it was out of the blue) one day, she decides to hang out with an old (online) buddy of hers and now no longer really does anything with me. We used to play games online together every day and skype everyday. She seems to hang out with this buddy of hers every day now and they play games together a lot as well. There's also some fishy stuff going on, and I think she's been calling him on skype instead of me (I'm supposed to be her BF...???). Worst thing is that this is happening very often.

Before all that, she would initiate almost every call every day, and also start the day off by IMing me with stuff like "hi! <3" Or things like hugs. We would do some fun stuff together and while she would get mad at stuff sometimes, she was pretty understanding. We would talk about our future together a lot, and she would talk wishing I could be there so we could do stuff together IRL. We even did "naughty" things together sometimes. Problem is, she no longer does any of these things.

I've been trying to piece things together (this dude that came out of nowhere and her sudden waning interest in me) and I think I've found out some disturbing things...if my theory/hypothesis is correct or whatever. Anyway, enough of that...

But one of the things that worry me is that I think she's been lying to me recently. She doesn't say a thing about talking to this guy on skype, but I'm like...99% sure she's talking to him fairly often. She's probably spent more time talking with him than me in the past two weeks. Although I guess we don't really have much to talk about sometimes. Anyway, there was this one incident which really confused me, and I think I sort of caught her red-handed, but I didn't push the subject because I don't want to lose her and piss her off. She's been very irritable lately as well; the littlest thing I say pisses her off even though before she would just laugh at it. It seems like there's a lot of tension between us now.

What I think might be happening is that she's putting me on the side and is going to go for this guy. She has a trip somewhere soon and I think she's possibly masking it as something else so it doesn't seem suspicious. I did a little snooping and apparently the guy has a holiday on the friday she's leaving for whatever she's going to. I don't know what is really happening so I don't wanna confront her about it and ask what's going on. I mean -- maybe she's just going to try and get laid by this guy or something...or maybe not. But my gut is telling me she is. Or maybe its just me and I'm just like my username?

Anyway, this has been eating at me for the last two weeks and I don't know how much more I can take before I snap. I don't know what I should do. Should I ask her what's up with her and this guy? Should I just back off and see what happens? Should I confront her and just end it (really don't wanna do this)? Should I have "talk" with her about the relationship? I'm afraid of asking about the relationship because I did last time and she flipped out on me thinking I was going to break up with her, which was definitely not the case since I love her and I haven't thought of anyone else since she's come into my life.


Sort of TL;DR - She's acting different and distant while hanging out with an old friend of hers. What should I do?

Thanks for reading (or not reading) and I hope to hear what some of you have to say. There are some more details I may have left out, so if more info is needed, I'll see what I can do.

I've been extremely frustrated and stressed out the last two weeks, so I most likely missed something and this is probably a cluster-ef of a post. I apologize for that.

[Zapookie]

Welcome to LFAD!

Now on to the issue at hand. You need to talk to her. Being in an LDR means you need to be able to communicate properly. If you want to sweep this under the rug, then thats your prerogative. But if you're really serious about her and about your relationship, you'll do something, whether that be talk to her, break up with her, whatever. One of the worst things I think, in a relationship, is complacency.

Don't be complacent. Do something. (and do what feels right to you)

[BabyDimples]

Hi there! and welcome to LFAD!

You should talk to her. I'm going to put what I think painfully honest. It sounds as though she has found a new interest in this guy and has lost interest in you. By not talking to you as much, I would say that she's trying to end contact with you, but is too nice to actually cut all contact. Now, I could be totally completely wrong, but I am saying it from experience.

Before I started talking to my boyfriend, there was a group of online friends that I had that I talked to pretty often. Though, one of them took more interest in me than others. I'll him A. I thought that he was just being friendy, considering that I still talked to the others a lot. But then he started to seem like he was getting really clingy and expecting more from me than just a friendship. I think I had been talking to the group for about three months (I had had them on my xbox for ages and hadn't talked to the in a while, guy A was a stranger to me and I'd never talked to him before), and to A individually for maybe a month - that I can remember (my concept of time is awful ). At about the that time, I started talking to some recent Irish friends that I had online and was actually interested in the Irish guy who started talking to me first again, but after I had talked to the group for a a few weeks, me and my boyfriend got left in a party together (on xbox, just to clarrify) and started talking.
~Now here's the part that I am relating to~
I really liked this other Irish guy (my boyfriend), and we started talking properly. Guy A seemed to get jealous, even though I had tried to slowly cut off contact from him at about the same time that I started talking to my boyfriend. I am a nice person and hate upsetting people, which is why I was trying to cut off the contact slowly. I had no interest and never had any interest in meeting up with Guy A or having any kind of relationship with him more than a friendship. He was just someone to talk to really when no one else was there. Sort of like when you get a new toy (only not in the sense of a toy hahaha. He was interesting to talk to for a little while, and seemed like a good person and an okay friend, until he started saying that he was going to move to the town that I live in and come up and visit me.. More happened about him trying to wind up my boyfriend (he wasn't my boyfriend at the time) and trying to cause trouble, and then even tried using my friend at the time who also has xbox live to try and talk to me!
I am not saying in any way that she doesn't want to talk to you any more or is losing interest in you. You've just got to confront her about it. If she argues with you about it, then she's not trying to understand. I always manage to piece things together, and okay, snoop a little bit but like 99% of us do that and hardly any admit it! So it's not exactly uncommon. Just try and talk to her, make new interesting things to talk about and do. It may just be a case of her being distracted for a little while. Send her a letter in the post to show how much you care, or try and romance her a bit. If you really love her, then show her that you love her more than anyone else can. If she doesn't respond to it, then I'm sorry, but she is a fool for not realising what she has with you. I wish you the best of luck! And as I said, please do not take my account into too much consideration, because you seem like a really nice guy and not a creepy stalker kind of guy like Guy A in my experience!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm ashamed to say... I've been this girl before. An 'emotional cheater'.
It may be completely innocent. I may be completely wrong.
But if it were all innocent, her and this guy she's talking to... why wouldn't she be honest about talking to him? When you ask what she's been up to, does she say she's been talking to him? Ever? Is she defensive?
Her behaviour, to me, sounds just like I was. She's spending less time with you, more time with this guy, driving a bit of a wedge between you two, she doesn't want to be intimate, she's finding you more annoying more easily, she's probably taking longer periods of time to respond to your messages?
Like I said, it could all just be innocent, but for me, having been in her place myself, these are massive red flags. You need to talk to her about all this, but to be honest, she might not even listen. I didn't realise the extent of the damage I'd done in my relationship by 'emotionally cheating' (I hadnt even really realised how much I'd been doing it) until my boyfriend at the time broke up with me over it. I've learnt from that mistake now, but I couldnt see outside it at the time.
The relationship you are in is still new. And I know you're feeling insecure and anxious about it all, but start off with a little honesty. You shouldn't be too scared to argue with your partner. You need to be able to stand up for yourself and your feelings. You need to have respect for yourself, and if your SO doesnt have the same respect for you and your relationship... then she's probably not someone you'd be able to have a relationship with long-term anyway.
It's scary, but you need to confront this issue - whether it is just you being paranoid (and how she can help you feel more secure), or whether she's actually going behind your back about this guy.

[Zephii]

You need to ask her what's going on, just bluntly. Because if she's not honest, you don't want her. It's really that simple.

Try: "I don't want to accuse you of anything, and I don't want to push you away, but these things <examples go here> look suspicious, and I'd like to talk them through"

[elina]

Hi and welcome to LFAD

I have to admit that I've cheated emotionally as well, and can sort of relate to what Biddlybiddlybombop said. Before I met my SO, I lived with my ex-boyfriend. I was already a bit unhappy living/being with him and then my SO came along. We met online, got on really well and I really enjoyed talking to him. Soon I found myself wanting to spend more and more time talking to him online and less time with the guy I lived with. I also found myself being grumpy around him a lot and get annoyed about pretty much everything he did and said. And I would go to my SO and he'd always make me feel better, and we'd have so much fun talking together. Long and a rather painful story short, we started to fall for each other big time, and I ended it with the other guy and moved out.

I really don't know how much of this goes to your story and how your girlfriend is behaving, but I'd be careful if I were you. If she really is spending all the time he's not spending with you, talking to that other guy.. the signs aren't very good from what I hear. I see a lot of similarities, as did Biddlybiddlybombop.

All you really can do is confront her, tell her it's bothering you and that you need answers (in a less aggressive way). What she's doing to you isn't right, and she can't treat you this way. If she doesn't want to be with you anymore, she should tell you and let you get on with your life.

Good luck and hope things work out for the best for you x

[LoveL]

My man, if all of your assumptions are accurate, she has started a new relationship and doesn't know how to just let you go yet.

Being online so often and interacting with different people in a way that can lead to flirtatious behavior and things of that nature is the same as going to a bar while you're in a relationship and picking someone up. The fact that she did this online versus in person doesn't really matter. She was in a relationship with you, went and interacted with someone else to the point of getting very interested in them, is planning on meeting them and doesn't even have the courtesy to tell you that she doesn't want to be with you.

Best case scenario, she's holding on to you in case things with this other guy don't work out. But do you really want to be with someone like that anyway? She could at least have had the courtesy to tell you what was going on and given you the option to stick around or not.

Get away from it, bud.

Giver her a chance to explain herself, in case you are just totally mistaken about what's going on. But be firm. And if she's doing this to you, then it's over and you need to drop her off like last week's garbage.

I know that's a little bit of tough love, given that you probably still have strong feelings for her, despite what you think she's doing. But I think you know it's the truth.

[paranoid]

Thanks for the support and advice. I was afraid that I was right and that it'd come down to this...I think I need to get my thoughts together before asking her what's up and getting into a real talk. As I've said already, the last time I tried to talk to her about it, she went really defensive even though all I asked was something along the lines of, "why haven't we been skyping as often anymore?" She did have an excuse for it (headache) but I'm dead positive that it wasn't the (whole) truth. Anyway, I'll have to confront her about it soon enough. I'm so nervous, anxious and confused right now. I think I'll give it around 3 days before I talk to her about the relationship again...hopefully in that time I can find more definitive evidence that she's playing me for a fool (or if she's not, which I doubt).

Something similar happened to me in the past and its rearing its ugly head at me yet again. /sigh

[Jezah]

You may not want to hear this, but this sounds a lot like something I have done before when I lose interest in a guy. I am not proud of it, but I know I am picky. It takes one thing sometimes to turn me off of a guy, and I am too 'nice' to just say I have no more interest. Its not really nice and I know it, maybe its more I dislike the confrontation? Either way, I think you need to tell her you feel she no longer is interested in you, and maybe add "If you aren't I understand, but I want to know so I can move on" and see what she says. You saying you will understand may abate her fears and make her more likely to tell you whats up. Good luck

[paranoid]

Small update and I'm pretty upset about it. I asked to friend her on FB but she didn't want to and then told me why she uses FB. She didn't decline or anything, but that's the way it sounded...and the result is no friend invite. Just some fishy stuff and I'm angry about it. I'm gonna take some time to cool off and hopefully things will just work out after I talk to her, either way (breaking up or whatever).

And yeah, when I'm less angry, I'll probably ask her what's up and all that stuff.