She Doesn't Want Me Now!!!!! :(

[lala]

I was going to say my opinion, but I just read the rest of the comments and I am now scared to :/ What´s with all the hate? There´s a reason I liked this forum, and that is most certainly NOT it :/

All I will say is best of luck, hope everything turns out for the best.

I agree, I was shocked too...

in addition it's so easy to say "move on, forget her....", like you all would give up on your SO :P you didn't even ask for her reasons or his situation! More empathy would be good.. thanks

[BabyDimples]

I agree, I was shocked too...

in addition it's so easy to say "move on, forget her....", like you all would give up on your SO :P you didn't even ask for her reasons or his situation! More empathy would be good.. thanks

I completely agree with lala. Some of the responses here are unbelievable and harsh. I was shocked when reading them. If he loves herand and he wants to fight for her, then of course he can. I would fight for my boy if I had to. I already have had to twice. I didn't give up at all, and that is why we are still together. It is totally understandable for him to be as upset as he is too, and he hasn't had chance to explain himself much at all. He doesn't seem 'unstable', just upset and grieving. As for his reactions, they are totally in deffence because of some of the comments that have been thrown at him. As lala said, more empathy would be nice..

[DemonxOisin]

Not one of us knows the situation fully. In my opinion, all we can do is share what we think, wish the best of luck, and leave. There is no point in arguing with other people, because we don´t know the situation, and only the OP can make a decision.

[Rugger]

I agree, I was shocked too...

in addition it's so easy to say "move on, forget her....", like you all would give up on your SO :P you didn't even ask for her reasons or his situation! More empathy would be good.. thanks

Empathy only goes so far. Taco was trying to get some sense into him. Spending 30k on a person who doesn't want you IS creepy and looks hella desperate. She told him she didn't love him like he wanted her to. If my SO told me that, I would not go crawling to him. I'd be heartbroken yes, devastated even, but I would try and move on, without look desperate. I have more pride than that. If he made it clear he didn't love me anymore, I would give up, because you can't force a relationship on someone who doesn't want it. That can quickly evolve into stalking and harassment.

The world is not all sunshine and rainbows, not even on here. I fully and wholeheartly agree with Taco. His statement is completely valid, he just didn't sugar coat it.

OP, I'm sorry you had to go through this. It hurts to be dumped after so long, but You just have to try and move on with your life. Cut off contact with her during the initial getting over period and later, when you feel up to it, try and be friends again. That's really all you can do at this point.

[Karringtyn]

One thing I have always LOVED about this forum....and yeah I have been here a LONG time...is that things are said with emotion and care. It's odd how some people see hatred and I see someone who came here and needed support and asked for opinions and he got it. Sometimes you may not hear what you want to hear, but it's what you NEED to hear. Some of the following comments following about how rude and non supportive some posters are, are JUST THAT...non supportive. Telling someone that they are no longer in a LDR....so why are they here? Rude. Let's take a step back and remember behind each screen is a person in a situation that needs support. When one comes here and asks for advice....they are opening the door for maybe not the advice that is all sugar coated. And that's the way I hope people always reply to me. Because sometimes one really needs a dose of reality.

Original Poster.

Ahhh I see we are about the same age, and you posted about your kids. I SOOO understand that. Before my fiance' and I were together (3 years ago) I was in another LDR. The kids added such a different element to that relationship. My ex and I would not have been able to close the distance as I wasn't moving and so neither was he. But my kids really liked him and the breakup was tough on them. That's why I was very careful the next relationship, because in fact you never know. I hope that you are feeling a bit better and that you realize that things *WILL* improve..it just sucks right now...but I am glad that you realize spending 30,000 at the risk of having it be a visit that is unwanted right now is NOT the thing to do. And I commend you for reaching out...here and with a therapist.

[Karringtyn]

AHHHHH!!! Be careful if you come to this thread and read through replies. Because a couple very rude ones have been deleted, so the reason some people are saying the things they are, are to someone that has removed their comments.....so while some things may be harsh, it's to someone that didn't even leave their comment up. (nice!)

[lala]

I just don't like the way people say their opinion.. some maybe like to be called crazy or being hurt, but well it's not everyones wish. Me and also some other posters here asked him about possible reasons, about future plans... that's "caring", trying to help someone who needs help and advice, and not being disrespectful!
I want to see one day if your SO is telling you that he wants to end it how you would react! I think what he tries is showing her that he would do everything for her..that he loves her and doesn't want her to give up! There should be more people like this out there and not chidish people who would give up so easily and be more concerned about their pride than about their hearts.

[Karringtyn]

If my SO wanted to call it quits, would I give up? I would respect his wishes. My SO does not complete me. He adds to my life. My life would not be over, I would just be on a different path. Would it hurt? Hell yeah! But I would have no choice than to move on and keep loving me and take care of my family.

When you post for advice you are going to get all sorts of opinions, some may seem harsh, but some may be exactly what needs to be said. I will take honesty over..."oh hon i am so sorry." any day. If everyone replied with that...and I got 20 replies of "I am sorry." What would be gained from that? Noone is saying things to be mean....just giving an opinion.

I don't think one that gives up is childish. We have are all at different stages in our lives....would I give up or keep fighting a relationship that seems over in my opinion? Me personally yes. And I am far from childish.

[lala]

I wasn't refering to you.. but to some previous deleted posts.. I didn't mean that it's childish to give up a relationship.. it is childish to say "she doesn't wants me anymore tzzz I don't need her,blabla.." What I'm sayin is that in my opinion it seamed as she still loves him but because of some other reasons can't go on like this. And there is the point. If she has another man, fine.. but if she still loves him but can't stand the distance anymore then he should find a way and show her that he will fight and find a way..

---------- Post added at 11:25 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:21 AM ----------

once I got really hurt by my SO and I wanted it to end. I told him this.. now if he were here on this forum and people gave him the advice to let me go..well he maybe would have done and we would have never seen eachother or maybe also talked to eachother. But my SO fought and showed me that he loves me and that he is sorry. I told him that I will need time and he gave me it. I'm happy that he did all this...
maybe OP's SO would also be happy if he would fight for them.. just sayin

[Engel]

AHHHHH!!! Be careful if you come to this thread and read through replies. Because a couple very rude ones have been deleted, so the reason some people are saying the things they are, are to someone that has removed their comments.....so while some things may be harsh, it's to someone that didn't even leave their comment up. (nice!)

I think to delete the comments is being a coward.

to the OP:

I am sorry you are going through that, but 30k is a lot of money, just think about it and maybe consider going somewhere else on holiday with your kids. maybe disneyland? anywhere that you have wanted to go, or have friends or family, so you can enjoy yourself.
being in the same city as your now ex will just torture you and you most likely wouldn't be able to enjoy yourself properly. She said she doesn't love you anymore like you wish she would. and it is hard, I know, but life isn't fair. not always good people get just good things.
Your ex will probably feel uncortable with the fact you would go to London because of her. and maybe would see you, yes, but believe me, if she has her mind made up about it, this won't change it and may leave you with an empty pocket, because london is really expensive. and 30k can get you so many things, maybe even things you may need or have wanted for a while, so please, if you really want to go to london someday, go when you have healed about this break up.

i know it is not what you want to hear, but don't go after her, you wouldn't want her to be back with you out of pity or guilt for braking your heart, right? if she loves you, and is meant to be yours, give her time and she will realize it. if not, try and go on with your life


but don't stop to believe in love. it exists. be kind to yourself now while you are grieving, and feel free to still come to the forum, we will still welcome you with open arms, and give advice if requested.

[Karringtyn]

Lala..... Ahhh ok! And while I do understand the whole "what if my SO was on here receiving that advice"....I do get that. But we only know what is being told to us. She told him it was done. I think ideally we all would want our SO's to fight for us. But just as a sidenote....I was married for 14 years, when it was done it was done. While in that 17 year relationship I would have said..."I hope he fights for me..." when I realized it was done and he DID fight for me....it was HELL. I was stalked and he was always in my face begging me. Finally he realized it was over, we are now the best of friends, and he is in a great relationship with an amazing woman perfect for him. Time does heal.

[lala]

have you been in a LDR with your ex? I think that plays a big role too. But you are right. People should never disrepsect someone's decision... If the case is that she really doesn't want him cause she doesn't love him anymore,he has to respect that,.. well only they know if they want to end it or not..

[Rugger]

have you been in a LDR with your ex? I think that plays a big role too. But you are right. People should never disrepsect someone's decision... If the case is that she really doesn't want him cause she doesn't love him anymore,he has to respect that,.. well only they know if they want to end it or not..

Distance has nothing to do with this. Continuing to push her even when she said it was done is creepy in a CDR as well.

To quote Karrington " If my SO was here receiving that advice..." I would want him to take it. If I ever fell out of love with him, and he kept badgering me after I'd told him it was done, The police would be involved. You have to let things go.

I'm always a believer in " If it's meant to be, it will be". Maybe the OP's girl will change her mind and decide she wants to be with him again. That's all hunky-dorry. But maybe she never will, and by pining over her he's stopping himself from getting over her and maybe finding someone else who is better for him. Let the chips fall where they may, don't force them.

[kiara_silver]

I want to just write again. Everyone saying him continuing to push her is creepy and desperate. But he said just last week they were planning there time together in London. A week isn't that long ago. He hasn't really gave us details on her part, to just make assumptions that it should be over and he should move on. Sometime you just a weak moment, and maybe she just is having one of those low moments where everything is to much, and doesn't really want to give up. Im not saying he should still fly down there. But surely not call a quits and move on just yet. It doesn't seem like he's all over her, he's talking here, and not sure what to do, so i don't see creepy. Idk I think if it was only a week ago, then this could just be a fight or rough patch, not necessaries the end. And if I or my SO just gave up after only a few days I wouldn't think that was real love. Fights happen, things happen, I know even in some true love marriages they at points had rough patches but you fight, doesn't mean you stay unhappy and don't let the other person go when its time. But after just a few days? I don't think thats enough time to think things over or to just give up so soon.

[Malaga]

But after just a few days? I don't think thats enough time to think things over or to just give up so soon.

But the OP said she specifically told him she didn't love him anymore the way he loved her. If my boyfriend said, "I love you and want to be with you but the distance is too much, I can't handle it" then to me it would mean he's going through a heavy crisis and I'd fly over there or do what I could to close the distance as soon as possible. That's what fighting for love means in my book.

But to tell someone you don't love them anymore as your SO, that's a serious thing. She withdrew her feelings from him, and she could've felt that way for a while but couldn't bring herself to say it sooner. When you tell someone you don't love them anymore and they fly out to beg you to take them back, that's one for the creeper files. You can't plead your way back into someone's heart. His best bet would be to accept her decision. Then if this was really just a temporary crisis, she might realise what it really means to miss him, and learn to appreciate what they had. Sometimes that's the best you can do for your relationship.

And if in some wild scenario she does secretly hope he'll fly to her even after she told him what she did, then she must have serious issues. What kind of a person would expect you to spend $30 000 to go see them after specifically telling you they don't love you anymore and don't want to see you? Not to mention the huge heartbreak they put you through, and for what? That you prove how much you love them? A person like that doesn't care for you, they just want to feed their ego. It's not healthy.