How do you deal with the feeling of always missing your boyfriend really bad...

[SarahCleary]

Hello my name is Sarah and I am new to LFAD, and I just had a question. I know that I am always going to miss my boyfriend when I am not with him. That is understandable because of course I am going to I love him. But I am talking about when I miss him so bad sometimes(actually it has been happening a lot more lately) that I cry and I cry and it hurts literally. And I just sit there reading his letters and crying and stuff. I trust my boyfriend because that is like number one in long distance relationships, and I know he wouldn't hurt me or cheat on me. But it seems when I don't get to talk to him one day(I usually talk to him everyday for hours) I just worry and cry. I was wondering if there is some way to deal with this. Or why this is happening.

[eveningsky]

Whenever I miss my boyfriend really bad and I'm not at work (where I usually don't miss him so much because I'm busy working), I go and hug someone (or if I can't do that, a pillow) or try to get out of the house and do something fun. If I can't do that, I play video games or watch youtube videos. I have also been coming to this site (I am new too though). Writing works for me sometimes as well. I also do yoga, though not specifically to take my mind off him, it could help. Watching shows or movies can help too.
You have to find what works for you though. Anyone can offer suggestions but you're the only one that can say what makes you feel better or takes your mind off of missing your boyfriend. Hopefully you find whatever that is!

[temporaryuser]

you just have to keep your self busy. Sitting around allows your mind to dwell ont he fact that you arent together. Are you in college? Try to find an extracurricular group to get involved in. Not in college? Find something else to occupy your time. me and my so do not have the time to talk for hours. We text thru the day/nite and sometimes git in a 15 min if we are lucky - usually while one or both of us are in transit.

[lyonsgirl]

Hey Sarah, and welcome to LFAD! When I miss my man that much I'll read over a letter he wrote to me, and remember all the reasons I love him. I have a countdown to the next time I'll see him, and I've been making a couple of things to mail to him. I know it's easier to just sit and cry some days, (and so some days I let myself), but I don't let myself sit around at home all weekend long, otherwise I get depressed. If you go to church, get involved there. Volunteer with the kids, or see if you can help out with something else. It seems like a lot of churches are creating more small groups, where a bunch of people gather together and just hang out. If there's something you have always wanted to learn how to do, pick up a book at your local library and find some youtube videos. Or, if you can afford to, find a class! That will get you out of the house and meeting some new people. When my brain is occupied with learning new things (something to do, people's names, about people, etc), it hurts a little less that my man&I are apart. Plus it gives us something new to talk about.

[LoveL]

I read an interesting article yesterday about romantic love in relationships and how to make them last and what keeps some couples from getting into the trap of simply having companionate love for one another, as opposed to the passionate stuff lasting long term.

Long story short, the same parts of our brain that are active when we are in love with someone are also the same areas that are highlighted when we are high on certain drugs. Love, the emotion, is actually a drug type stimulus and is something that is addictive. The crazy amount of pain and anguish and emotional turmoil that we feel when not with the person that we love is very similar to having withdrawals. That is to say, this is not really something that you can control.

As far as trust and all of that, it's good that mentally and rationally trust him. But just like a drug addict, there are also parts of your brain that become very active when you are in 'in love' with someone that heighten your sense of paranoia and of fear of loss. Thinking that somehow you might lose the very thing that gives you so much joy and pleasure, especially early on in a relationship, is also something that you can't control.

I write all of of this so you know and can see that what you are feeling is absolutely normal.

The only way to deal with it is to let time pass, start settling into a routine with each other and communicate as often as you can. The fix of a phone call, e-mail or skype isn't anything close to the real thing of having your SO in your arms, but it's the best you can get and you have to learn to appreciate that.

If anyone wants to read the particular article that I referenced above, check out this link.

Here is a snippet:

"As it turns out, your brain reacts to love the same way it reacts to cocaine. So you weren’t nuts to feel addicted to your beloved nor the physical pain of withdrawal when she left you. Love lights up the reward centers of your brain and douses them in dopamine, as well as serotonin and oxytocin. These neural fireworks set off feelings of euphoria, pleasure, craving, recklessness, and obsession." - The Art of Manliness

[Karringtyn]

As someone on the other side,, (we closed distance last July)...I remember that feeling still all too well. I would go into depression mode and my life was always a constant countdown. Till one day I realized I had to start living in the here and now. I made myself do stuff I didn't usually go out and do. I started living my life instead of just waiting for the next visit. Trust me, it was hell....BUT! Life is too short to be sad.....and you should be happy you have the one you love....keep yourself busy!!

[11MikesGirl21]

From the life I had when I was younger I'm good at compartimentalizing emotion. When it gets at it's worst I usually just power through and almost push the ache of missing him aside. You have to be a certain kind of person to do that. I do it in order to be functioning for school. When schoolwork is over with, I typically read his old emails and texts and cuddle with the teddy bear he gave me for my last birthday. You just find your routine and your way of "dealing." It does get easier.