Does your feeling of missing your SO wane as the LDR goes on?

[Biscous]

Let me just say that my girlfriend is right: I overthink a lot Just wanting to premise it.

I know when I see my girlfriend and stay with her, everything is right in the world. I love being around her and being able to relax. When I leave we are both so sweet to one another and so perfect we break in tears because we miss one another. I remember breaking down during a few days after Christmas because she was going to leave the next day. Even as recent as three weeks ago I remember tearing up because I was about to leave.

The strange thing is that I'm sad, but I can go back to my routine much easier than her. I feel much more better around her, but I can live knowing that I am going to see her for a few weeks. The only time I get scared is if I am uncertain about that. This comes down to me feeling like I don't miss her as much as she misses me, or missing her as much as I should. I don't know. Maybe because I KNOW I am going to see her. Does that make sense or am I truly overanalyzing my feelings?

My routine is pretty basis: work, gym, talk/skype to my girlfriend 1-2 hours during the entire day on a daily basis, sleep. I guess I am just used to her being around. I was just wondering if any other guys felt the same way. It's not like my interest is waning I don't think, it's just that I know I'm going to see her so I know she will be in my life.

Obviously I miss her quite often and at times deeply, but I don't think I have those feelings as much as my girl.

[snow_girl]

Everyone deals with distance differently. It isn't a contest to see who misses who more or if she feels bad then so should I. I've wondered before if it is normal for me to be okay with the distance. I miss him when we are apart but I don't dwell over it, I don't cry when we part, I can get back into a routine fairly easily. It doesn't mean I don't love him, it is just the way I am. I wouldn't over think it, its normal.

[Malaga]

I guess it depends on the person. For me personally it's getting harder to cope with the distance as time goes by, because I'm getting more impatient to close the distance. But everyone has a coping mechanism of their own. From my experience, men often find comfort in routine much easier than women do. So it could be that you just found a way that works for you.

Only you know how much you love her and miss her. People show their emotions in different ways. I never cry when I leave my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I'm not devastated. I'm just not a crying person. Just because she shows her emotions more openly or in a different way than you, it doesn't have to mean you don't feel it as much.

I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend the other day. We talked about LDRs and he basically confirmed he finds it easier to get back to his routine and not think about missing me. But his childhood experiences were much different than mine, he was an only child who was getting picked on and singled out, so he was used to being alone most of the time. I know he does miss me, but it's a default situation for him. And I'm different in that way.

[Forca]

I guess it depends on the person. For me personally it's getting harder to cope with the distance as time goes by, because I'm getting more impatient to close the distance. But everyone has a coping mechanism of their own. From my experience, men often find comfort in routine much easier than women do. So it could be that you just found a way that works for you.

Only you know how much you love her and miss her. People show their emotions in different ways. I never cry when I leave my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I'm not devastated. I'm just not a crying person. Just because she shows her emotions more openly or in a different way than you, it doesn't have to mean you don't feel it as much.

I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend the other day. We talked about LDRs and he basically confirmed he finds it easier to get back to his routine and not think about missing me. But his childhood experiences were much different than mine, he was an only child who was getting picked on and singled out, so he was used to being alone most of the time. I know he does miss me, but it's a default situation for him. And I'm different in that way.

This is so nice to hear. This is my first post on here. My girlfriend and I just officially started only a week ago but we were dating for a few months. We had to move apart and now I am just devastated not being near her. We intend to move together again but it might be a year, 6 months at the earliest.

As a guy I feel that I'm supposed to be the emotional tank but she seems a lot more ok with it. I know she cares for me but I am the one usually more emotional and I wish she would feel the same, but this post really reassures me that it's just who she is. It doesn't mean she doesn't care for me. I guess I am so new at this that it's so difficult not to just hold her or brush her hair with my hands.

[killerkaytee]

For me personally, I feel like I've had a revelation or something lol. After the second time meeting and spending this past Christmas together, I noticed that yes I was sad he had to leave, but I knew we were going to be together again soon. Instead of wasting my days being sad, I feel a lot more happy and able to deal with the distance. In my situation, it doesn't even feel like he's gone because we are always talking. He's just gone physically which yes I miss a ton, but I also know the months till I see him again will go by fast =) I didn't even cry at the airport when he left because I just had this sense of like, "it's going to be ok you'll see him again in a few months". I wanted him to leave seeing me smile. It wasn't until I got home that I cried my eyes out haha but I did feel very strong that day. I wouldn't say the feelings of missing him has gone away, I'm just in a good place in my life right now where I can handle it better than I think I did a year ago.

[11MikesGirl21]

Mine ebbs and flows. It's almost the worst when I'm close to a visit (either before or after) and it's nighttime or when I haven't talked to him that day by AIM or the phone. When I can talk to him every day and it's no where near a visit it's okay. It's a little worse when I haven't. It's bearable almost all the time, the only times it gets overwhelming is right after a visit. It takes me a while to get used to being alone again.

[Yaaamiii]

My SO is like that. I cry all the time, every time we part. It always hurts and I absolutely hate going back to my normal routine because I want so bad for my normal routine to just be living with him already. In fact, I'm so much more emotional than he is that I tend to feel like I miss him more than he misses me when we say goodbye. But I know the truth is, he misses me too, he just has a different way of handling it.

[Dauntedpoet]

Does your feeling of missing your SO wane as the LDR goes on? I've been missing him for 10 years so I can honestly say NO, but there are things that can lessen the suffering. For me, having a routine to follow, and knowing when we are going to see each other again, before we part, are the two most important. Also, we both experience it differently, but we know it, and try to accommodate each other.

he finds it easier to get back to his routine and not think about missing me. But his childhood experiences were much different than mine, he was an only child who was getting picked on and singled out, so he was used to being alone most of the time. I know he does miss me, but it's a default situation for him.

This is my SO as well. He has always been a very singular person. I however had 4 brothers and sisters in a very small house.

[Deleted]

I am the one in my relationship who cries when we have to part... but really the next day I am fine again and feeling really strong because every time we meet it is as if our bond to one another becomes stronger. It does daily when we talk, but when we meet it's like a bigger step. Do I miss him? Of course I do...and he is not one to cry much but he has too. When we began I broke apart every month or so, specially I was frustrated because he is my first boyfriend ever and it was just frustrating that I finally loved someone and now this special someone had to leave.

I deal better with it every day specially when I have a date to make a countdown to. It makes it way, way easier than not knowing when. I do not cry anymore and when I do it's not as bitterly as before, but it is not because I'm loving him less but because I've gotten stronger, I trust him better and I have learnt "love is more than just holding hands".

We all deal with it differently. One learns thought time too... in my case it's gotten easier.

[Malaga]

This is my SO as well. He has always been a very singular person. I however had 4 brothers and sisters in a very small house.

I know I'm going a bit off-topic here, but it's amazing how pretty much everything goes back to childhood. I'm not expertly trained in psychology, but even I can connect some things. My boyfriend's Dad left them when he was a toddler and his Mum never remarried. She had to work double shifts so he spent most of his early childhood with his granny whom he got most attached to. Then his granny passed away. He was a black kid in a white town and nobody wanted to play with him. I know he has a fear of abandonment which makes him suppress vulnerability. He doesn't even like to talk about events he looks forward to, say my visit or a ski trip, because he feels if he shows too much enthusiasm or too much desire, it will fall through somehow. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel it, just that he buries it deep and doesn't think about it. It annoys me when I'm feeling down, but I have to keep in mind it's how he was conditioned, and not something he decides to be.

@Forca, I'm really glad you feel better about this. I wish you all the best. LDR isn't easy but it is manageable. It's a bittersweet situation, and there is always a degree of suffering involved. This makes people develop strategies to deal with it. Some find it easier to openly vent their feelings, some bury it deeper. Whichever way they display it means little in the way of how intense their feelings actually are. It's how they treat you what counts. If your girlfriend is reliable and affectionate, supports you, makes future plans with you, follows through with promises, then you know she cares deeply. Don't bother yourself with how men should be or how women should be. We're all unique, with unique experiences and personalities.
Also, sometimes people just go about it in a different order. My boyfriend cries when we say goodbye, but three days later he's fine. I hold it together when we say goodbye, but about a month later I fall apart.